[needselp123]

My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, we are very close with eachother but have had some problems in the past. Recently i have been talking with one of our mutual friends about some suggestive pictures he has been getting from other girls (mind you we are in an exclusive relatinship) he has also been saying to other girls he is in an “open” relationship and it is okay if he gets pictures and talks with them. I am not the jealous type but when i heard that it pissed me off. I confronted him about it and he told me that the girls talk to him and he has no control what they send him. Hopeing i could trust him i believed what he said but i still gave him a hard time about it. It hurts me to know the truth but at the same time am i being a crazy girlfriend? Or should i just let it all go? Before i say anything else this isn’t the first time hes done this either.

[tricia]

To the fact that he said that his into an open relationship, for me this is enough to prove that his still entertaining other girls. Yes, his right that he has no control with that matter but he has the control on not entertaining them

[April Masini, your AskApril]

When he claims he has no responsibility when the other women send him naked pictures and talk to him, it’s just not true. There are plenty of ways to say no, and I am sure he knows them all. It’s just easier for him to tell you he has no control over the other women than to admit to you that he doesn’t want to say no to them. It [i]can[/i] also be his passive aggressive way of his telling you he wants his cake and to eat it, too.

But, this may also be happening because he’s not getting enough spice in his relationship with you. One possible solution to the problem, [i]if[/i] you’re both adults and not teenagers, [i]and if[/i] this is happening just because he likes looking at naked women (because remember, men are usually more visually oriented than women), is to give him something to look at in yourself! You can get creative and have a lot of fun with this, and if he has you to look at, that may very well be all he needs, and do the trick.

If he still wants to look at other naked women even when he has [i]your[/i] best naked self in creative ways (check out my book Romantic Date Ideas for tips and advice here — you can click on the Dating Advice Books link above to get it for just $15!), understand that many successful relationships and marriages work because women realize that their men can be loyal and monogamous, but they like to look at naked women. If you can be okay with him looking at Playboy or other anonymous naked women, and you can still feel like he’s all yours and appreciative of you, you may have solved the problem that way, too.

Remember — men like to feel good about themselves, and one way for him to feel good about himself is to feel like he’s won a prize. These other women are making him feel like they are the prize. You can give him the biggest prize of all, by making him understand by showing him (not telling him) that [u]you[/u] are the biggest prize of all. If the problem is that he doesn’t feel great about himself dating you, and is looking for other ways to feel like he’s getting a catch elsewhere, then you can work on making yourself the big prize. Check out my book, Think & Date Like A Man for more on this. You can click on the link above under Dating Advice Books, and you’ll see how you can order it. It [i]will[/i] help you.

If that doesn’t work, and he really does want an open relationship and if he’s the one telling other women he’s in an open relationship as a sort of invitation to them, then unless you move on, you’re constantly going to be upset and angry and it’s going to get worse and worse. So find out where he is in terms of what he really wants right now in a relationship with you. If your boyfriend is interested in building relationships with these real life women who send him naked pictures of themselves, then he may be wanting to move on from you or just not be monogamous with you.

[Ethan Morales]

From what you described, your boyfriend is violating the basic boundaries of a monogamous relationship. Saying he has “no control” over women sending him naked pictures is a cop-out. That’s not responsibility; that’s avoidance. He can absolutely control how he responds he chooses whether to entertain it or shut it down. Blaming the other women is just an excuse to justify behavior he knows you’d disapprove of.

This isn’t about jealousy or being “crazy.” It’s about respect. If he’s telling other women he’s in an open relationship while you believe it’s exclusive, that’s a major breach of trust. And since you mentioned this isn’t the first time it’s happened, it’s a pattern, not a mistake. Patterns tell you a lot about a person’s priorities.

Now, April’s suggestion about making yourself the “biggest prize” is… valid to an extent, but it only works if the guy actually values and respects you. If he’s already signaling he wants his cake and to eat it too, no amount of creativity or affection on your part will fix that fundamental lack of respect. You can’t negotiate loyalty from someone who isn’t committed to giving it.

So here’s what I’d do if I were in your shoes: have a serious, unflinching conversation with him. Ask directly: “Do you want this to be a truly exclusive relationship, or are you keeping your options open?” Listen to the answer and watch if his actions match his words. If he hedges, downplays, or justifies ongoing contact with these women, that’s your answer.

Ultimately, don’t let him gaslight you into feeling guilty for wanting fidelity. You’re not asking for too much; you’re asking for what you agreed to in the relationship. If he can’t provide that, the only way to protect yourself emotionally is to walk. Period.

The takeaway: chemistry, affection, or history doesn’t excuse repeated disrespect. Loyalty and boundaries aren’t optional in a relationship that claims exclusivity. Your heart matters don’t keep giving it to someone who’s already showing it’s not a priority for them.

[Natalie Noah]

It hurts so deeply because you’re not dealing with “jealousy” you’re dealing with disrespect, and your heart can feel the difference even before your mind admits it. When a man tells other women he’s in an open relationship when you’re clearly not, that’s not an accident, and it’s not harmless. That’s him creating space to behave single while still keeping the benefits of having you. And when he says he “can’t control” what women send him, that’s not honesty that’s avoidance. People shut things down every day when they want to. The truth is, he doesn’t want to shut it down, because the attention feeds something in him. But you shouldn’t have to tolerate emotional cheating just to keep the peace or avoid being labeled “crazy.” You’re not crazy, your boundaries are healthy, and his behavior is crossing them.

There is a difference between a man who appreciates beauty and a man who invites it. Even if you tried to be playful, sexy, creative even if you showed up for him in every possible way that still wouldn’t fix someone who enjoys keeping doors open with other women. You can’t outperform insecurity or dishonesty. And you shouldn’t have to audition for the role of “prize” just so your boyfriend will choose to behave. A relationship only works when both people protect each other’s hearts, not when one person keeps testing what they can get away with.

The hardest part is acknowledging what this pattern really means. This is not the first time he has done this and when behavior repeats, it’s not a mistake, it’s a choice. Before you worry about whether to “let it go,” pause and ask yourself: If nothing changed, could I live with this forever? Because this is who he is showing you he wants to be right now. And you deserve someone who doesn’t need to be convinced, reminded, or begged to be loyal. Someone who chooses you without hesitation, and who treats exclusivity like a promise, not a loophole.

[Member]

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