[jbgone239]

I have been dating my girlfriend for 7 months but we have been friends for almost 6 years. We love each other and have told her each other that. She broke up with her boyfriend last year, they were together for 3 years. I realize that is a long time but there are still things that bother me. She still has gifts from her ex. She has a huge pink valentine’s bear and other little trinkets. I am bothered by these things because I don’t understand why she would keep them if she is over her ex. I don’t think she still has feelings for him but I don’t want this to bother me. Is it normal to have these jealous like feelings when I see these things? I don’t want to tell her that she should forget about her ex all together and forget that fact that he exists because that isn’t fair by any means, because they didn’t have an ugly breakup. They just broke up because of personal differences but nothing hurtful or malicious. I know they still text now and again but that doesn’t bother me, I still talk to girls I’ve dated in the past and it is just seeing how they are and what’s new, nothing else. But these gifts she has, these mementos bother me. I just don’t want to make a big deal out of this, everyone is different and just because I don’t have mementos from my past girls doesn’t mean that I am right in what I’m doing and that she is wrong in what she is doing. I’d love to hear you’re advice on this April, is this a normal thing for people to do? Any advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s not wrong for you to feel jealous that your girlfriend keeps mementos and gifts from her ex-boyfriend, but it is wrong to make a big deal out of it. Especially now. Not everyone gets to the same place at the same time, and while you want her to get rid of these gifts from her ex-boyfriend, she’s not there yet — but if you continue to date and grow closer, I’m pretty sure she’ll want to put them in the closet or give them away on her own accord because she’s ready. It’s a lot better for her to get to this place on her own than it is because you’re jealous. Since you already admit you don’t think she and her ex still have feelings for each other, these gifts are just memories of a good relationship that ended. Eventually, they’ll mean less and less to her as the two of you spend more and more time together.

Take a deep breath and let go of these jealous feelings you have by knowing that you are the man she is dating and wants to date. You are her present and her future. He is her past. The gifts aren’t important.

And with Christmas and the New Year coming up, this is the perfect time to start building your own traditions together by giving each other meaningful gifts that I am very sure, will eventually replace the old ones.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — and follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

That’s actually a really thoughtful question, and I like how self-aware you are about it. You’re not trying to control her or demand she erase her past you’re just being honest about what triggers some uncomfortable emotions in you. And that’s totally normal. When we care deeply about someone, it’s human to feel a little pang of jealousy over reminders of a person who once mattered to them. It doesn’t mean you’re insecure it just means you’re emotionally invested.

April’s point about timing is right people process their past relationships at different speeds. For her, those gifts might not even be about the ex anymore. They could just be things she’s used to seeing around sentimental leftovers from another chapter of her life. Sometimes people hang onto stuff not because they miss the person, but because they’re not ready to reframe that part of their story yet. If you push her to get rid of them before she’s ready, it might create resistance instead of resolution.

The best move is patience and quiet confidence. You already have what matters her love, her commitment, and your shared history that’s way deeper than any gift on her shelf. Over time, as your bond strengthens, she’ll naturally feel less attached to those old things. Relationships evolve through experiences and memories not ultimatums and that’s exactly what’s happening between you two.

If those feelings of jealousy still flare up, remind yourself of this: she chose you. She wakes up every day and decides to keep building something new with you. That pink bear might be a leftover from the past, but you’re the one who gets her present and her future.

[Tara]

You’re bothered because you don’t like competing with a ghost you think should’ve been buried already. And instead of owning that, you’re wrapping it in polite language and pretending you’re being “fair.” You’re not being fair. You’re being insecure but trying to disguise it as a philosophical reflection.

Here’s the truth you’re avoiding. Keeping a giant Valentine’s bear from an ex isn’t “normal sentimentalism.” It’s emotional clutter she couldn’t be bothered to clean up. People keep small items, photos, maybe a card tucked in a drawer. They don’t keep a massive pink monument of a past relationship sitting around unless they’re either lazy, attached to the attention it represents, or too comfortable with the idea that their past relationship still has a physical seat in their present life. None of that is flattering for you.

And the fact that you’re bending over backward to justify it tells me exactly why she doesn’t feel any urgency to remove those reminders: you haven’t set a standard. You’ve convinced yourself that saying nothing makes you enlightened, when all it actually makes you is uncomfortable and silent.

You don’t need to demand she “forget he exists.” That’s childish. But pretending you’re totally fine with her keeping relationship trophies is equally childish. You’re allowed to have a line. You’re allowed to say something makes you uncomfortable. And if you can’t say that after seven months of dating and six years of friendship, then you’re not in a relationship, you’re in a performance where you’re terrified of being the “jealous guy.”

Here’s your verdict: stop pretending your discomfort is irrational. It isn’t. The items bother you because they’re relationship artifacts that don’t belong in the middle of a new relationship. If she values what you two are building, she’ll get rid of them without drama. If she defends them like sacred relics, then she’s not as done with that chapter as you want to believe.

You’re not overthinking. You’re under-confronting. And that’s the real problem.

[Serena Vale]

Yes, your feelings are normal. Anyone would feel a little jealous or uncomfortable seeing big, sentimental gifts from an ex sitting around. It doesn’t mean you’re insecure, it just means you’re human.

But here’s the important part:
Keeping mementos doesn’t automatically mean she’s not over him.
Most women just don’t throw out things immediately, especially if the breakup wasn’t ugly. Sometimes it’s just a “this was part of my life” thing, not a “I still care about him” thing.

The real question is:
How does she treat you?
If she’s loving, present, and building something real with you, that matters more than an old bear in her room.

You don’t need to accuse her or make it a big issue.
Just be honest, calmly:
“Hey, I know it’s silly, but that bear makes me feel a little weird. Not angry, just uncomfortable.”

If she cares about you, she won’t get defensive. She’ll understand.

So yes — your feelings are normal.
No — it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with your relationship.
And no — you don’t need to demand she erase her past.

Just communicate it in a simple, calm way. A good relationship can handle one honest conversation.

[Natalie Noah]

What you’re feeling is completely normal. Jealousy or discomfort around your partner keeping mementos from a past relationship doesn’t mean you’re controlling or unreasonable. it just reflects that you care about your relationship and want to feel secure in it. The fact that you recognize her past relationship was healthy and that she doesn’t still have feelings for her ex is important; it shows your perspective is grounded in reality, not paranoia. Your feelings are valid, but they’re about your own emotional response, not a reflection of wrongdoing on her part.

The key here is patience and perspective. These mementos are simply reminders of her past and not a threat to your relationship. Over time, as you continue to build your own history together, these objects will naturally lose their emotional weight. Trying to force her to remove them now could create tension or resentment, whereas giving her the space to let go in her own time allows the process to happen organically. Your relationship’s strength will be measured by the bond you continue to nurture in the present, not by objects from her past.

It’s also an opportunity for you both to create new memories and traditions that are unique to your relationship. By focusing on building your shared experiences giving meaningful gifts, celebrating milestones, making memories. you’ll gradually see that the past mementos fade into irrelevance. Right now, the best step is to reaffirm your place in her life as her present and future, letting go of the jealousy and enjoying the relationship you both are actively building.

[Member]

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