[cvining]

Hi April,
I just new here and I would like some help with my husband. He is working as a technician of Air con. After he comes from work, he eats with me, then have a little chat with me. Then later he will go to the computer and play the online game that he is addicted now. I kept on telling him that he should lessen his addiction to that game, that he is not paying more attention to the game rather than me. Instead of talking with me telling me how he has been with work, he ended up with the “shooting game”. Does he still love me? Should I leave him? Or give him a chance?

– Cathryn-

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, he still loves you. No, you shouldn’t leave him.

As for everything else that falls in between those two questions…. 😉 here goes:

First of all, I’m not sure from your description that he’s actually “addicted” to his online games. It seems like he is able to hold down a job, he still eats and chats with you, and he probably functions in other areas of his life, too. So I don’t think that the gaming is interfering with his life to the extent that he’s “addicted,” so if I were you, I’d lose that word when talking about your problem.

What does seem to be the problem is that you’re not getting enough attention from him, or at least, you’re not getting as much attention as you want from him. So, let’s address that.

First of all, most successful men have hobbies. The hobbies help relax them from their normal grind. They give the men something to focus on that may even be mindless, but it’s like giving your brain a nap, or at least using a different part of the brain. So, do be tolerant of the fact that it is very normal and even healthy for men to have hobbies.

Second of all, you want something in this pattern to change. You can try and beat him into submission and become his mother by nagging, commanding, and punishing him for not doing what you want him, too. 😕 But, if you decide to change[b] your[/b] pattern of behavior, you’re going to have more luck.

So, here are some suggestions:

First of all, quit complaining and telling him he’s addicted. That will get you nowhere.

Second of all, switch up your dinner routine. You know he likes to eat dinner with you, so once a week, make a reservation at a restaurant, and tell him that the two of you are going out! That should give you not just more time with him, during the dinner “hour”, but it will also get you to see each other differently — like you’re each others’ dates!

Next, invite people over to your home for supper or cards, or a board game, or to watch a movie together. If there are guests at home, he’s going to be less likely to revert to his online games.

Plan a weekend away, just the two of you — in fact, camping, or a rustic cabin somewhere (with no video games 😆 ) will give you both a lot more of each other and a lot less of his playing those games.

And of course, there’s the old adage, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em! So, ask him to teach you how to play the games. In fact, buy a game that requires 2 players ONLY, and encourage him to play with you. Turn this into an event with refreshments to go with the gaming, like wine and a pizza or something homemade, so that instead of the games being a solitary event, they’re something that the two of you do together.

You can probably riff off these suggestions and come up with your own plans to change your attitude, become more proactive, and to shake things up at home in a positive way, that will get you more of your husband’s attention, and less competition from the online games!

Good luck, and let me know what works! 🙂

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