[ZicaShaxmeema]

Im exhausted trying to do this on my own. I need other moms to talk to. Everyday is a struggle for me. I havent seen my two younger babies since dec 3rd. and have only been allowed to talk to them 1 time in jan. I don’t even know if there ok.

This is my story, i fell in love with a marine. shortly after I found out we were expecting. Little did I know that this man I was having children with was a con man. He was unfaithful from the beginning but I didn’t want to believe it. After our 2nd child together things really began to change he got worse when it came to other females. Began treating our daughter like a step child and focused on our son.
In Nov 2009 he got military orders to Cherry pt, NC. I was relieved. I thought for the 1st time I can emotionally get back on my feet and face the demon he was. Little did I know that once he left he was gonna completely forget about me and our children. Left me with no water months upon months and power. giving me 160 dollars a month to feed 3 children. The stresses of this finally had gotten to me. After a 6 month battle with his command with no help I thought to myself maybe my kids were better off without me, seeing I couldn’t provide for them in the way they deserved. I brought my children next door and went back home and took a knife to my wrist, as I slid it across my childrens faces rushed before me, the goofy times we had I relived in a sec. I regretted what I had done. But this was the ticket that allowed him to remove the children from my care. I was admitted into a 72 psych hold but quickly released that day told I DID NOT belong there. I returned home and my kids were with my neighbor whom had contacted my husband and of course he quickly came to Ca to get them. I couldn’t even tell them good bye.
Ive spoke to law enforcement, lawyers what he did was legal. The police said my house was not safe for them because I had no water or power for them, which apparently was MY fault. His command refuses to get involved told me that the state of Ca took my rights from me, and they have this form. However I never received this form. In fact I was told that I could see them and talk to them, but once they were in their fathers care it would have to go to family law. Which I don’t have the money for the “retainer” and money is so tight for everyone its hard to find one who will help for free.
And as the time goes by, he isnt allowing my children to speak to their own sister, or anyone from my family. He has completely removed me from their lives. My oldest daughter talked to them April 5th and my two little ones think I don’t want them and dont love them. ( which breaks my heart ) what kind of heartless monster tells an innocent child that?
So at this point, I don’t know what to do. I know that this past mother’s day was the 1st mothers day in 10 yrs I was utterly alone. I don’t know what to do, im literally fighting the devil…. any advice would be great. Thanks for reading this….

The reason I don’t have my oldest is because my 1st husband served me custody papers with the wrong date on it, and I was out of state for the holidays and couldn’t afford to go back to ca for the court date so he of course won by default.

Was I not meant to be a mom??

[Ask April Masini]

I can help you with this problem —[b] but only as much as you’re willing to roll up your sleeves and do the work you need to do to help yourself. [/b] 😉 I know you’re desperate and sad 🙁 because you haven’t seen your three children in some time, but if you want to, there are ways that you can get back into your children’s’ lives — but [i]YOU are the only one who can get there[/i].

The first step is to recognize that [i]you are not a victim[/i]. You have power in this situation, but you have to claim it. 🙂 To do so, understand that [u]your husband did not kidnap your children[/u]. He didn’t do anything wrong. When you attempted suicide, the U.S. legal system found you to be a danger to yourself (and you were!) and they put you in an institution for observation. That was the correct thing for anyone to do. When someone tries to commit suicide, they need help. No one wants you to kill yourself. You’re important. You got help, and now you’re alive and well — and you have a reason to stay alive! Your beautiful kids. 🙂 But you have to stop blaming other people and saying you didn’t belong in a 72 hour hold. You did. You were going to kill yourself, and until you recognize what really happened and be grateful for the help you received, you’re going to stay in this pattern of loss. I know you want things to be different, so start with your mind-set. Find a way to write a thank you note for the help you received. 😉

Next recognize that your kids are safe with your husband. Because you attempted suicide, your home with you as the primary and only caregiver there, [i]was not[/i] a safe place for the kids. Whatever led you to drop the kids at a neighbor’s house so you could attempt to end your life, was a continued possibility. Whether or not you knew in your head what your limits were, the children were now deemed to be in potential danger in your home. 🙁 Nobody knew what other desperate measures you would take, and that was a reasonable way to think. It was important that the children were shielded from any other possible acts. It was a [i]good thing[/i] that they were removed so that they were safe, and you could heal from your hurts. Find a way to be grateful instead of angry that the kids are in a more stable place — for now. Not forever, but for now 😉

Third, since you’ve never really alleged any abuse of the kids by your husband, be grateful that he’s taking care of them. I know you blame him for so much of this dilemma, but you need to absolve him of your blame. This isn’t his fault. They may not be raised the way you want when they’re in his custody, but they’re safe and they’re with their father. That’s a good thing, and you have to see it as such. When you’re able to thank him, that will help you heal. It will also, eventually, show the court system that you are more reasonable and stable and that you want to co-parent your children either as a married or single mother. The court system is going to look for signs of health and stability — not bitterness, self-victimization and blame. Start today on that path to let go of your anger and see a brighter future.

Fourth, you have to go court and ask for help in gaining visitation of your children. I understand you can’t afford an attorney, but you don’t need one. The court system will allow you to represent yourself. Go to court and ask for help in getting a court date to see a judge to grant visitation of your kids. Courts want children to have relationships with both parents, but if you don’t let them know you want to see your kids, they will think you don’t. So go to court, suck up the hassle and the frustration of the court system, and do what you have to do to get visitation of your children.

Stop asking if you weren’t meant to be a mother — the reality is that you are! Of three children who will be better off in life by knowing you. You need to find a way to be, in some way, in all three of their lives. Do that by using the court system.

Then, decide if you want to be married or divorced from your husband. Now is the time to either heal the marriage or get divorced. You need to get a job and make some friends, too!

I know this is a lot for you — but you can do it. One day at a time….

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Lune David]

This is heartbreaking to read, and honestly, my heart goes out to you. You’ve been carrying an impossible amount of pain for a very long time, and anyone in your position would feel exhausted and broken at times. Losing daily contact with your children, especially after everything you’ve been through, is a grief that cuts very deep.

What stands out to me is that this doesn’t sound like someone who “wasn’t meant to be a mom.” It sounds like a mom who was overwhelmed, unsupported, and pushed past her limits. That moment you regret doesn’t erase the years of love you gave your kids, and it doesn’t define who you are forever. One mistake in a moment of despair should never cancel a lifetime of motherhood.

AskApril’s advice is tough, but there’s truth in it: the system responds to stability, not pain. As unfair as it feels, the path forward is about showing strength now taking care of your mental health, building structure, and using the courts to ask for visitation, even if it’s intimidating. Wanting to fight for your children already says a lot about you.

Please don’t face this alone. Find support wherever you can other moms, counseling, local resources because you deserve help too. Your children are still your children, and this chapter does not have to be the end of your story. One step at a time is enough.

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