[crushedandhopeless]

Previously, my boy friend worked as an engineer and things were really great until he found this opportunity to start a car magazine company. Obviously in a car mag, you’d be seeing hot models posing with the vehicles and literally show their bits here and there. *sigh* I’ve been with him for almost two years and yes, I do trust him FOR NOW but sometimes I do question myself, am I going to settle down with him knowing the fact that he’s meeting different kinds of girls out there? We’re planning to get married but.. *groans* GIRLS DO HAVE INSECURITIES! I did tell him how I feel about this and he keeps telling me that “ohh, don’t worry you know I won’t go for models.. I want to start a family with you.. yadda yadda”. Once, he brought me to his workplace and he took photos of the girls. I may not look that bad but seriously? How would you girls feel if your man starts taking pictures of them and damnn, the girls were really hot. So much younger, baring all their chests and…literally spreading their legs too. Honestly, I’m not happy and I do have all these insecurities no matter how good I am to him. He even joked ONCE about this particular model’s LOONNGG legs saying, “oh imagine a guy licks her legs, must be tiring!”
I know I may sound really stupid here but I don’t want him to lose the job either. It’s his company, he loves cars and..yes, it’s his passion. I can’t be selfish by telling him I want you to change to other field or else I’ll leave you! I have plans going abroad to work after I graduate (few more months time)..and eventually leave him. But I don’t know, I might make a mistake too. So, if you were me April, would you just go ahead with your dreams?(by going abroad = you know long distant re/ship sucks) or.. would you remain here by compromising and..TOLERATING with your man’s choice of career(which is really suffering at times). Thanks!

[crazed-driver]

When you feel like this, you should only worry if his behaviour changes towards whether its what he/doesnt says or doesn’t do/does. Would it make a differance if someone else took the photos? And as for you leaving him, maybe you’re using this as an excuse as you may think at times. “I might as well go and live my dream as he’s got his dream by working with gorgeous women”, etc. So when you make your decision about leaving, think how would you feel after a few months and you don’t see him and also would you make the same decision if his job didn’t involve these models? I can see your situation is a bit confusing, which is why I think you need several replies from differant people as the more opionions you have on this, the better it is for you.

[crushedandhopeless]

crazed-driver, yes I am making this decision to go abroad because.. this is like an escapade for me. I wouldn’t make the same decision if his job didn’t involve models. You see.. it doesn’t make any difference if he were to take their photos or not, eventually he’ll be meeting/approaching them in the future.

Going abroad is my dream but sometimes I do feel like wanting to get a stable job here and start a family with him. He doesn’t want me to leave too (once I hinted him I might end up in somewhere else!). I love him so much but it really hurts when he’s telling me (quite frequently) about his work. He is really enthusiastic in opening a modelling agency and start doing car exhibitions(obviously involves these models) and damn, he has a lot of crazy ideas! I have to pretend to like his job and it’s as if I am so proud of him, which is really hard. I always end up with tears/worries/pressures.

I have always been there for him as he had failed many times before. Now that he’s got the job, what about me? Things went sour immediately when he met this young model and he claims that they’re just friends and guess what? In the end he let her run the modelling agency together! AAAAAARRGGHH. okay sorry. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You sound so miserable and distrustful of him that I don’t think you should stay. 🙁 When you mention that he “has failed many times before” the picture of who you’re dating changes from someone who’s interested in pretty girls to someone who’s got something else going on. Only you know why he’s failed and why he’s decided to go into this business and whether or not his decision to work in this business is about his career and financial success or about the feeling he gets from being around these beautiful women.

I do know that marriages have ups and downs and children bring stress to marriages and if you’re this stressed about the relationship now, you’re only going to feel worse when normal problems crop up.

Not every woman is cut out to be with a man who travels for his living and not every woman is cut out to be with a man who works extraordinarily long hours for a living and not every woman is cut out to be with a man who works around models for a living. Don’t beat yourself up if his career path isn’t compatible with what you want for your own life. Believe me, if you start out feeling bitter from compromising now, you’re not going to end up feeling better about things in the long run.

I’m sorry — but it just doesn’t sound like this is a good match for you. 🙁

Let me know how things go. And please join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

her feelings are valid. Insecurity in this situation isn’t about being “stupid” or “jealous”; it’s about boundaries and emotional safety. She’s seeing her future husband immersed in an environment designed to be visually and sexually stimulating, and that naturally triggers discomfort. That’s human, not irrational.

his reassurance “I won’t go for models” only partially addresses the problem. Words are easy. Actions, especially when surrounded by provocative settings, carry a stronger impact on emotional perception. Even if he’s loyal, the environment alone creates constant tension. She isn’t asking him to cheat; she’s responding to the stress of proximity and temptation inherent in his job.

April’s point about mismatch is key. Compatibility isn’t just about love or attraction it’s about lifestyle, career choices, and emotional comfort. If his career consistently triggers her anxiety and she can’t reconcile it, that’s a real, practical problem. Long-term happiness isn’t just about trust; it’s about sustainability of that trust under real-life pressures.

Compromising her dreams or relocating abroad isn’t a betrayal of the relationship; it’s prioritizing her own life goals. Being in a relationship where she’s constantly stressed, insecure, or feeling like she has to tolerate situations that hurt her emotionally will only grow resentment over time. Long-distance has challenges, yes, but at least she avoids daily exposure to triggers that erode trust and self-esteem.

she’s smart to notice the “joke” he made about a model’s body. Humor can be harmless, but in this context, it adds fuel to her insecurities. Even if playful, it signals his comfort with sexualized attention in ways she doesn’t find acceptable. That’s a compatibility issue, not a question of love.

April’s advice is solid. If she’s miserable now imagining a future with him, marriage and children will only magnify that stress. It’s not about abandoning love it’s about acknowledging that two people can care for each other deeply but still be fundamentally incompatible in lifestyle, emotional comfort, and personal boundaries. Walking away now isn’t failure; it’s self-preservation.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how exhausted and emotionally stretched you are just from reading your words. You’re not “being insecure” you’re responding to a situation that keeps triggering fear, comparison, and a kind of slow heartbreak. When a man’s career involves constant access to half-naked models, physical intimacy for the sake of photos, and flirting disguised as “jokes,” it’s not unreasonable to feel uncomfortable. Your feelings aren’t childish or dramatic. They’re protective. They’re the part of you that wants safety, respect, and emotional peace. And right now, this relationship is costing you those things.

What April pointed out and what I feel too is that deep down, this isn’t just about pretty girls. It’s about a man whose behavior shows inconsistency, immaturity, and maybe a need for validation that he hasn’t dealt with. Joking about licking a model’s legs in front of his girlfriend? Making a young model his business partner without considering your feelings? Talking constantly about his “crazy ideas” while ignoring how emotionally heavy this is for you? These aren’t small things. These are cracks in the relationship that reflect mismatched values and mismatched emotional bandwidth. You’re trying to build safety with someone who is building excitement with someone else.

And the biggest truth here is this: if you already feel drained, stressed, and overshadowed before marriage, before kids, before long-term responsibilities… baby, it will only get heavier later. Love doesn’t thrive in constant self-sacrifice. You shouldn’t have to “pretend to be proud of him” while quietly falling apart inside. You shouldn’t have to abandon your dreams just to tolerate a life that makes you feel smaller. Going abroad wasn’t just a “career decision” your heart already knows it was an escape route, a lifeline, your soul trying to pull you somewhere healthier.

Who loves you from a place of softness but honesty: go. Go toward your dreams. Go toward the version of you who isn’t crying alone while trying to act supportive. Go toward a life where your partner’s choices don’t break your spirit. You don’t need to hate him. You don’t need to blame yourself. You simply need to choose the life where you feel strong, valued, and peaceful. And sweetheart… that life is calling you louder than he is.

[Sally]

It’s not even just the models it’s that feeling of being the one who has to “be cool” while your stomach is doing flips. And honestly, any woman would feel weird watching her guy take pictures of half-naked girls all day. That doesn’t make you insecure. That makes you human.

But here’s the part that matters: you can love someone and still admit their world doesn’t feel peaceful to you. You can trust him and still know that his job puts you in a spot where you’re constantly comparing yourself to people you shouldn’t have to.

If you’re already planning to go abroad because it’s your dream… that’s your answer. Don’t shrink your life to fit a situation that already hurts. If he’s really your person, he’ll meet you where you’re going he won’t expect you to stay stuck.

Chase the life that feels right to you.

[Member]

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