[pacmanla]

Need help getting over young lady, I really LOVE & CARE for engaged to someone else. It’s killing me, I’ve never felt this way before
I’ve known her since we were kids in the same church. We talked in high school, I was SERIOUSLY IN LOVE with this girl back then. Fast forward I went off to college, came back for awhile, but moved to Seattle.

Well I came home, & my sister told me last week she got engaged over the holidays, & I’ve seen her instagram handle, with her & her fiance. She looks beautiful, & I can’t believe I’m feeling like this.

Her mother loved me, & everyone knew that we would be the ones getting married, but things happened. I’m happy for her, but seeing those photos, are making me CRAZY. I know for a fact that I’m now transitioning into adulthood, & I see how this feeling of seeing the one you LOVE, marry another, has an affect on you.

Please give me advice, I know I have to move on, but I can’t believe I’m feeling this way. I’ve seen movies like this, & laughed, but now I see how it really HURTS.

Thanks for your time

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. I’m guessing you’re in your early 20s — fill me in on your age. And…. Did you ever ask her out on a date?

I’ll give you more advice when you answer these questions, and I’ll look out for your post.

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[pacmanla]

Yes, we just turned 25 & 26, & known each other since we were kids in the same church. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I’ve dated, gone out with other women before, who has gone on to get married, have kids, but this one is VERY DIFFERENT. It’s affecting me like no other, & I find myself going out with women who remind me of her. I’ve had attractive young women approach me, but my mind keeps going back to her. I don’t know if I feel this way, because I just KNEW she was the one, & the others, I never really invested emotionally into, in that kind of way.

Thanks, for your reply, & looking forward to your response

[Ask April Masini]

Did you ever ask her out on a date?

[pacmanla]

We actually dated for awhile (two months), but hooked back up off & on. Before finding out about her engagement, I checked up on her through twitter, instagram, etc. I think finding out about her engagement, just rushed back those past feelings I had for her, & now with her engagement, that “romantic” door has now been officially shut. Again, I’ve NEVER felt this way about any other young lady. Not trying to do much “self-diagnosing”, but I believe since I invested so much emotionally into her, & honestly thought at one time, she was “THE ONE”, that I feel like I lost apart of me, that I can’t get back. Also, that I should be the one in those photos with her, but she looks happy, & maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Also knowing that she is going to look beautiful on her wedding day, doesn’t help my mind either. It’s just a tough pill to swallow, & this isn’t the movies where the guy runs to the woman tells her his feelings, & they ride off into the sunset. Real life doesn’t play out like that, & I respect that she’s someone’s fiancee now. I may be worried about finding “love” again, & she’s getting married, & I’m worried I won’t find that “special” someone myself.

[Ask April Masini]

What I’m trying to find out, and having a little trouble doing so, is why the two of you broke up after dating for two months, if you felt that she was the one you wanted to marry. What happened that the woman you knew was the one, didn’t become the one? What kept you from making her your wife? It sounds like you feel that you lost someone or something, but you haven’t really come out and explained why, if she was the one, you didn’t stay with her….. If you can articulate that, I can help you better. 😉

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[pacmanla]

Well to be honest, I was going through a lot of insecurity, & just stop keeping in touch. I eventually went on to have time to myself, so I guess she moved on.

[Ask April Masini]

Got it. 😉 So it sounds like you let “the one” go, and now she’s taken, and you’ve got regret. 😥 Regret is one of the worst feelings ever — way more so than rejection, because there’s a feeling that something could have been if only you’d acted. 😳 It’s very hard to move on from this sort of mistake, but the first step is to understand what happened, and I think that if you accept this regret, you’ve taken that first step. Next, look around you and see where else you’re backing away from opportunity because of insecurity or some other reason that may keep you from your dreams, whether they’re romantic, career, financial or otherwise. Use this hurt and regret to change your behavior and face any fears or discomforts you have, so you don’t lose out on love again. 😉 Some of the most important life lessons come with the most pain.

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s completely normal to feel devastated and conflicted when someone you’ve loved and believed was “the one” gets engaged to someone else. Your brain and heart are reacting to a loss not just of her, but of a future you imagined with her. Feeling hurt, jealous, and obsessive over her social media or appearances is a natural part of processing that grief. Acknowledge that pain without beating yourself up for it.

It’s crucial to understand the context of your relationship. You dated for only two months and then had an on-and-off connection. That means there were factors that prevented this relationship from developing fully, and no matter how strong your feelings are, it wasn’t ready to become a lifelong commitment. The idea of her being “the one” is partially your attachment to the imagined future you created with her, not the reality of your relationship.

Regret is the real emotional challenge here. It’s not just that she’s with someone else it’s that you feel you missed your chance. Regret can be crippling if you let it dominate your thoughts, but it can also be useful. Look at this experience as a teacher: what kept you from fully committing or acting on your feelings back then? Recognizing that can help you avoid similar mistakes in future relationships.

Your attachment to her is amplified by comparison. You mention noticing other women and being drawn to them only if they remind you of her. This is a common coping mechanism when the brain tries to recreate the same emotional chemistry, but it prevents you from appreciating other people on their own merit. Start noticing what makes other women and potential partners unique rather than seeing them as “her replacement.”

It’s time to shift focus onto yourself. Channel your energy into areas that make you feel fulfilled hobbies, friendships, career, physical fitness, and social engagement. The stronger and more confident you feel as an individual, the less power this past love will have over your emotions. This doesn’t mean forgetting her immediately, but it does mean creating a life where her presence isn’t central to your happiness.

Accept that you cannot change the past, and she is now engaged to someone else. The healthiest path forward is emotional closure: process your grief, acknowledge your regret, and allow yourself to feel it fully without acting on it. With time, the intensity will fade, and you’ll be able to open yourself up to love again possibly someone who is available, ready for commitment, and can reciprocate fully. Remember: this heartbreak, as painful as it is, is preparing you to recognize and nurture a relationship that’s truly meant for you.

[Tara]

You’re grieving a fantasy, not a relationship. You’re acting like you lost your wife when in truth you lost a storyline you’ve been carrying since childhood. She moved on. She chose someone else. And you’re still clinging to a “what could’ve been” like it’s a living, breathing thing. It’s not. It’s nostalgia drenched in ego.

You’re hurting because her engagement forced you to face the truth you’ve dodged for years that you never made a move, never claimed what you supposedly loved, and now someone else did. That sting you’re feeling isn’t heartbreak; it’s regret dressed up as tragedy. You’re mourning the version of you who thought time would magically hand her back to you without you doing anything.

She’s not yours. She never was. And the longer you romanticize this, the more you humiliate yourself.

You don’t “get over” this by wallowing in how special it feels you get over it by accepting that she made her choice, and now it’s your turn to make yours. You can either stay stuck in a childhood crush turned adult delusion, or you can finally step into your life and act like a man who understands that missed chances don’t entitle you to endless suffering.

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