[leizle_gon]

Since 2 weeks after that last email we didnt talk to each other anymore, i felt guilty for everything i did, and i dont wanna talk to him coz i dont know what to say. But its still not yet too late, i can go back to my overseas job. I felt im just got lost in his way, did i hurt him? How guys feel if they are in this kind of situation? Please give me advise.

Thank you.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re trying to have it all, and life doesn’t work that way. When you told your boyfriend in another country that you got a job offer in your home country and were going to take it, your boyfriend acted appropriately. He wished you the best, and didn’t pretend that he wanted a long distance relationship or that he was going to chase after you. He actually gave you a gift of clarity.

It sounds like you wanted him to show you stronger feelings and to beg you to come back to him, not to take the job, and to run off with him forever. Well, that didn’t happen. I would advise you to be grateful that he didn’t lead you on, especially when you were both so fresh to the relationship. I’d say that everything he did was mature, truthful and respectful.

If you decide to give up the job in your home country and return to the foreign country where your now ex-boyfriend lives in the hopes of rekindling the relationship, you need to hold yourself and only yourself accountable for that decision. If you go back, start up again with this guy, and it doesn’t work out between the two of you, don’t blame him for your giving up a good job in your home country. If you want to take the risk, make sure you take full responsibility for that risk.

[leizle_gon]

You are right, now i’ve just came and realized that my feelings for him is no longer intense as what it was before when I was still with him. I guess cultural controversy and my parents prohibitions played its role why these things happened our way. Chinese traditions are very strong and firm enough to let things happen our way or another. I might say that its really on the genes why we are so called ‘RACIST’, racist in the sense that we dont want other specie to crossbreed us, its a SHAME and so alien on our culture’s behalf and as far as the skin color is concerned. Reputation or “face” is an important factor in Chinese life since it connects to one’s pride, social status, dignity, honor, authority, and even trust. The Chinese people never want to do anything that might make them lose face such as talking negatively about themselves or their family. These what Chinese traditions are.

But what happens in my case is self – contradictory, because I do believe that opposites really attract but not for long, its just a casual intimacy or if its not casual yet it will never work in the long run, thats what spark got to do with it, spark is not long lasting, do we need to blame the hormone dopamine for its life span? lol.

Advice to the West, just dont let your emotional guard down when dating a Chinese narcissist ….

Thank you very much April, ur such a good guru, u really know how to gauge someone’s views and ideas by not trying to stir up anything that reflected negatively on the significant other without being able to point clearly to facts as opposed to ‘a feeling ‘, mediocre comments from u gave a lasting impression on me, it would bode well for the future of this site, believe me.

[Ask April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Natalie Noah]

You were caught between your feelings for this person and the realities of cultural and familial expectations. The guilt you felt about possibly hurting him is understandable, but it’s important to recognize that his response was mature and respectful. he didn’t manipulate you or pressure you to stay, which shows emotional integrity. Sometimes the kindest thing someone can do in a delicate situation is to step back and let the other person make their own choices, and that’s exactly what he did.

You also expressed how cultural traditions and parental influence shaped your decisions and perceptions of the relationship. That context is significant when strong cultural values like reputation, social standing, and family expectations come into play, they can overshadow personal feelings, no matter how intense. It’s natural to reflect on how these factors impacted your emotions and your choices, and it sounds like you’ve gained a clearer understanding of why the relationship unfolded the way it did.

Your recognition that your feelings have waned is telling. It shows growth and self-awareness: you’ve accepted that while there was attraction, the relationship may not have been sustainable in the long term, and that’s okay. The lesson here is about clarity and personal responsibility understanding your own limits, recognizing when external pressures influence your decisions, and learning to make choices that align with your life goals without blaming the other person. This awareness will serve you well in future relationships.

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