[JJVC]

Hello everyone,

This is my story. Male, married, 2 kids, 39yrs old. I’ve been in a relationship with another woman (single 22yr old) for the past 3 years. No one knows about this. It has been for me very “comfortable” because to get together it only takes a phonecall (I rented a small cheap apartment 3 yrs ago) We have had talks about ending the relationship several times but never actually done anything about it. She is in a new relationship now (maybe 4 to 6 months) with someone her age, but our thing hasn’t changed up until now.
2 weeks ago she went on a trip with her friends and her boyfriend and when she came back she was kind of distant. I asked her how her relationship with him was doing and in a certain way she told me it had improved a little bit. From that moment on I have felt like a kid that had his candy taken away. I really like this girl and we love eachother. I am willing to end this relationship but I need your help on how to do it. Don’t tell me “just end it” because that won’t work. I know I will be getting some hard to swallow comments but go ahead and shoot away! If you need more information go ahead and ask

[optimistvik]

First of all i would like to say that don’t cheat your loving wife & your children & remember god is there & he is watching everything . Secondly your girlfriend is never serious for you she was just passing her time & now she has got her love so now you should go back to your wife & children & love them as you can.

[Ask April Masini]

You need to end this relationship firmly and cleanly. You have a lot at stake to lose, and without passing judgment on what you have done to your marriage, if your wife ever finds out you cheated, at any point in your marriage, she may not be forgiving.

Tell your girlfriend that she deserves a man who is available in every way to her, and that it’s best for both of you to not see each other again. Tell her that you realize that as long as the two of you are connected in any way, you aren’t being true to yourselves or to anyone else in your lives, and you’re ready to let go of what you had with her with as much grace as you can muster. Do this face to face and don’t leave any crack of the door open to a future meeting. Don’t call or take her texts or e-mails afterwards.

This is a delicate situation, but you have to understand that there is not much in the relationship with you for her, and the best thing you can do is to save your family any pain.

[optimistvik]

I agree with you April Masini . But i am slightly worried also why people cheat each other when they have got very nice partner & nice children also.what is the need for such cheating.

[Ask April Masini]

People cheat for different reasons.

Sometimes they cheat because as children, they saw their parents cheat, and subconsciously, they repeat that pattern because it is normal to them. Sometimes they cheat because they want attention from their spouse. Sometimes they cheat because their attraction to someone else is very strong, but has nothing to do with the love they feel for their spouse. Sometimes people lose control of themselves when they get drunk and let their inhibitions take a back seat to desire. And sometimes people cheat because they don’t know how else to get out of a bad relationship, so they cheat to get caught and end a marriage. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

If you think you’re going to cheat or your partner is going to cheat, the best thing you can do is talk to someone — like me — or a friend or parent to try and figure out what the problem is that is causing the desire to cheat. There’s usually something deeper going on and cheating is just the behavior that presents itself. The problem is more often hidden.

[optimistvik]

Yeah you are right . somebody has said this
“It’s okay to send flowers, but don’t let the flowers do all the talking. Flowers have a limited vocabulary. About the best flowers can say is that you remembered.”
even i think it is true.

[wacki 0335]

Hey JJVC,
I will try not to be judgmental of you, but most people will be. I am sure it was comforting to have your cake and eat it too, but the truth is more comforting than betrayal. What is done is done and it is time to let her go have a real relationship and for you to be the best to your family that you can be and that means being honest to your wife and children. Being there 100% for them and not divided between your two lives.

April is right (of course) a clean break is needed. Have a face to face talk and then no more contact. That just leaves the door open and makes things so much harder to end. Closing the door and locking it is the best way to do it, hard but the best.

You may also want to try to figure out what is lacking in your marriage or yourself that made you cheat in the first place. Try to fill that void and make your marriage better. The girl is younger than you. Are you having a mid-life crisis? You will both be better off if she is with someone her age that she can have a true relationship with and you will be a better husband/father. Time to do the right thing and be proud of yourself!!!

[optimistvik]

so jjvc tell us what have you decided?

[Jantina]

I’m not too good on this cause my marriage broke up because of this cheating thing. I’m not a jealous type. BUT don’t ever think that know one knows. I knew my husband was cheating I was the one that brought up the subject. He asked me to be understanding so I was for 7 odd years and myself and my boys were the ones that got negatively impacted.

Don’t do this to the ones you love. Just because you think they don’t know. take a good hard think at what you really want. Cause this is not right in any language.
Cheers, Jantina

[optimistvik]

sorry to hear this from you.

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

You’re sitting on a live wire that can burn down your family, your reputation, and your kids’ stability. Doing this slowly or half-heartedly because “it’s comfortable” is the risk you admitted to and now the comfortable thing is starting to slip away. Handle this like damage control: decisive, principled, and irreversible. Below is a practical, no-nonsense plan you can follow immediately, plus scripts you can use. I’m blunt because you’ve already lived the consequences of indecision.

Stop enabling contact now. Delete saved addresses that make meeting easy (keys, extra phone numbers, hidden apps). Don’t “wait for the right moment.” The moment is now. No more calls, texts, or meetups. If you need to, send one face-to-face termination (see script). After that: block. No exceptions.

Secure your family logistics. Make sure your wife and kids have financial access and support if anything blows up. Gather important documents (IDs, insurance, mortgage, bank info) and keep them organised. This isn’t paranoia, it’s responsible housekeeping. Don’t string her along. If you meet to end it, end it cleanly and don’t debate. If you can’t meet face-to-face safely, send a short, final message and cut contact.

“We can’t do this anymore. This isn’t fair to your boyfriend, to my wife, or to myself. I’m ending our relationship now, and I won’t contact you again. I’m sorry for the hurt I caused you, but I need to be with my family, and that means no more of this. Please don’t contact me, I won’t respond.”

Deliver it, then leave. If she tries to negotiate, repeat one sentence and walk away. If she escalates, leave immediately. If you need to end it by message (use only if face-to-face is impossible)

“I’m ending our relationship. I can’t continue. Please don’t contact me, I will not respond. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

Block and remove. Phone, apps, email, social media, backups. No furtive checking. If you can’t trust your impulse control, ask a trusted friend or a tech-savvy relative to do it for you. Document everything you did to end it (date/time of the conversation, saved copies of the final message). That’s useful if things escalate. Talk to a lawyer if you have worries about being outed, custody, finances, or blackmail. Preventive legal advice is smart, not moralising.

Get into therapy / counselling now. You need help understanding why you stayed and how not to repeat it. If you intend to save the marriage, do individual therapy first, then couples therapy with a licensed therapist.

Decide whether to confess to your wife. That’s complicated: if your affair is over and there’s no legal or safety reason to confess, many professionals advise handling the hurt privately with therapy and then deciding whether honesty is necessary but if there’s a high chance she’ll find out, you should be prepared to tell the truth responsibly. (Legal counsel helps here too.)

Be prepared for fallout. She may react unpredictably. Protect your kids’ routine and be available for them emotionally, regardless of what happens between adults.

You admitted both love and comfort; that means the relationship created an emotional dependency for you. That dependency will pull you back unless you sever contact. Keeping a door open is permission for chaos for all of you. The “comfortable” arrangement has become unstable; the right move is to close the loop and accept the consequences.

[PassionSeeker]

You’ve been living two lives one built on stability, the other on escape. The affair gave you what your marriage stopped giving: attention, excitement, control. But now, the illusion is cracking. She’s moving on, and you’re feeling the absence of something that was never truly yours. That pain isn’t love it’s withdrawal.

You already know this can’t continue. You’re a father, a husband, and right now, you’re gambling your family’s trust for a temporary comfort that’s fading. Ending it “cleanly” isn’t just about her it’s about reclaiming integrity. She’s building her future; it’s time you protect yours.

End it face to face. Be honest but firm. No drawn out goodbyes, no last meetings “for closure.” She deserves freedom from the half love you offered, and your wife deserves a partner who chooses her not by default, but with intention.

The ache will pass. What won’t pass is the damage if you let this drag on. You don’t need more time to think you need to stop. Then, start rebuilding what’s real: yourself.

[Marcus king]

You’re not confused about what to do.
You’re avoiding the consequences of doing it.

You’ve had two parallel lives for 3 years:

One where you’re a husband and father.

One where you get to feel desired, excited, and free.

And now the second life is slipping out of your hands so it suddenly feels like heartbreak. But what you’re really reacting to is withdrawal from the escape, not the loss of a sustainable relationship. She’s 22, building her life. You’re 39, with a home, a family, and a wedding band. You were never going to walk into a grocery store with her holding hands. You know that.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ohhh babe… you built yourself a love nest and forgot it was made of lies 🫠 like, yeah it felt easy, fun, secret but that’s not comfort, that’s escape. and now she’s finding real life again while you’re stuck replaying the fantasy. you don’t need tips to end it, you need to admit it’s already over. she’s halfway out the door and you’re still holding the key. truth hurts, but peace hits harder. 💔

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