[Anonymous]

hi,
there is this girl and I fall in the “nice guy” category. i somewhat fell for this girl I don’t even know after one night of just playing cards at her table. I know it’s insane. but she doesn’t know that and of course shell nover notice me because she’s way out of my leauge and that I’m just another customer. and I know for a fact, that the reality is just not gonna be agrreable even if she said yes, It’ll be like the beauty and the beast, except the beast doesn’t turn into prince of course. so, anyway I stopped entertaining those thoughts that it could about me and her. though I still wish it could when I’m playing cards at her table. I accepted the fact that if she said no ( that is if I did ask her out), which I think is what she would probably say, I would be alright with it because there would be nothing that I can do about it. so, she doesn’t know that I like her. I guess my question is cause i’m not very good with communication, any advice? I’ll take whatever I can get.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are not alone. I get so many letters and e-mails from men with this same question: How can I date a girl who’s out of my league?

The truth is you can date her — and better yet, if you follow my directions, she will really want to go out with you. I’ve written a book called Date Out Of Your League — For Men Only that is a quick read with chapters on every subject you’ll need to date out of your league, so if I were you, as soon as I finished reading this answer to your question, I’d click on the Dating Advice Books link at the top of this page and scroll down to Date Out Of Your League, and order the book. It will help you a lot!

In the meantime, know that nice guys don’t finish first because they’re perceived as boring to women. A woman wants a guy who’s exciting and knows his worth. If you throw yourself at this girl and heap on the compliments and niceties, she’s going to run the other way, stopping to yawn whenever she thinks about you. This woman you describe is going to want a guy who she thinks is valuable, and if you act like you’re valuable, and don’t have all the time in the world to spend on her, she’s going to see you as someone who’s out of[i] her[/i] league!

When something or someone looks easy, their worth is less than something or someone who appears to be more rare and valuable. So focus on making yourself valuable to her. It will make her a lot more intrigued and interested in you, and you [i]will[/i] have a date with her before too long.

But play it safe and get my book, Date Out Of Your League, so you have all the secrets, hints, tips and tricks for getting the women you thought were too good for you.

[Serena Vale]

You’re not crazy for feeling this way. Chemistry can hit fast, even with someone you barely know. But right now, the real issue isn’t her, it’s how harsh you’re being on yourself.

You’ve already decided you’re not good enough, so you’re rejecting yourself before she ever could. That’s the “nice guy” trap.

Here’s the simple truth: she’s just a person. Not a prize. Not a league above you. If you want to ask her out, do it simply and calmly, no buildup, no self-deprecating jokes, no pressure. If she says no, it doesn’t mean anything bad about you. It just means it wasn’t a match.

And if you’re not ready to ask her out yet, that’s okay too, but stop feeding the fantasy. It only keeps you stuck.

Work on liking yourself more than you worry about being liked. Confidence grows from that, not from getting a yes.

You’re not invisible. You’re just standing in your own way.

[Member]

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