[badboy]

April, I just finished reading your article on ‘Why nice guys finish last’. I agree with what you said but you didn’t really explain much. I’m older now and not all I was back in the day but back then I was a notorious bad boy. I was a scooter tramp and spent almost 20 years trampin’ this country on my Harley. As you said in your article, I could go anywhere and take my pick of just about any woman around. I think though, that your article cut short some of the cause for this phenomenon, at least in my case. I was very much like an undomesticated animal running wild and free. I seemed to, along with what you said, draw out the wild animal lust in women. It was like they turned into crazed sex fiends, which I’m certainly not complaining about. My real big question is though, and always has been, why every woman, after satisfying their lust, wanted to tame me? Why did they all want to domesticate out of me the very thing that made them want me? I’m sure it’s basically the same way with all women and their bad boys. After they land their bad boys, they want to turn them into good boys and if the bad boy won’t turn good, then they’re upset because they’re still bad, which is what turned them on in the first place. If We don’t allow them to turn us from bad to good they’re dissatisfied, and if we do let them turn us good they become bored with us. Is their any such thing as satisfying a woman or is it best just to stay who we are and take them till we’re bored with them?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great question. The answer isn’t pretty. Biologically, men are programmed to travel and spread their seed. Women, biologically, are programmed to nest. See the problem?

The trick for both men and women is to be with someone who has mutual goals at the same time. If a man knows that he’s going to want to settle down at one point, and he meets a woman who is too good to let get away, he’s going to cut a deal with himself. He’s going to give up that wild life in order to snare the one he doesn’t want to let get away.

If a man just isn’t ready to settle or hasn’t met a woman so great he’s willing to cut that deal with himself, then he’ll go on with his bad boy ways (in your case) — or whatever ways he has that work for him.

Being with a woman in a long term monogamous relationship requires a balancing act where each person in the relationship is true to themselves and to each other. Trust me — this is never a smooth road for very long because men and women are so different, but with maturity and understanding of both men and women by both men and women, it can be a wonderful adventure. But it requires women to understand how wild men are by nature, and to know that in order to keep their man happy, they’re going to have to work to keep him intrigued and keep the home fires burning in every room — but especially the bedroom. Because, after all, isn’t that what got you to step off your Harley for a woman in the first place?

[Ethan Morales]

First off, what you’re describing that push and pull between women wanting the thrill of a “bad boy” but then trying to “tame” him isn’t just about personality. It’s about psychology. The “bad boy” energy represents freedom, danger, and confidence things that tap directly into desire. But that same energy also threatens stability, and that’s where the conflict begins.

When women are drawn to someone like you a man who rides where he wants, lives by his own rules, doesn’t need approval they’re drawn to that raw authenticity. It’s magnetic because it’s rare. But once feelings develop, the survival instinct kicks in. They want to keep the source of that excitement without the risk that comes with it. So they try to “tame” the wildness, thinking love can coexist with control. The problem? It usually can’t.

April was right in her article, but what she didn’t dig deep into is that both sides feed the cycle. Men like you or who you were back then attract women with that rebel charm but often struggle with commitment because being “owned” feels like losing your identity. And women, on the other hand, crave both safety and excitement. So when they get the excitement, they try to reshape it into safety, not realizing that kills the very spark they fell for.

To your question “Is there any such thing as satisfying a woman?” yeah, there is. But it’s not about being good or bad; it’s about being real and self-aware. Women don’t actually want to “fix” a man who’s grounded in who he is. They want to feel chosen by someone who could roam free but decides to stay not because he’s tamed, but because he values her. That’s the difference between being wild and being lost.

If you stay who you are, with a clear sense of self, you’ll still attract women but the quality of the relationships will depend on whether you’ve grown from the chase phase. Freedom’s great, but at some point, connection starts meaning more than conquest. The real challenge isn’t whether you can satisfy women it’s whether you’re still trying to prove you can.

So yeah. keep the edge, keep the independence, but bring maturity into it. Be the man who chooses his life, not the one who runs from it. That’s how you stop repeating the same cycle and start being satisfied yourself.

[Natalie Noah]

Your experience perfectly illustrates the tension between instinct and commitment in relationships. Women are often biologically drawn to the adventurous, untamed side of men because it signals strength, confidence, and passion. That wild energy is exciting and arousing; it sparks desire and keeps attraction high. But the same energy that draws them in can feel incompatible with their long-term desire for stability and nesting, which is why they often try to domesticate a “bad boy.” It’s not about controlling you, really it’s about reconciling their desire for both excitement and security in a partner, which naturally creates friction if the man isn’t ready to compromise.

The challenge for men, then, is knowing what they want for themselves and their lives. If a man is not ready to settle or make compromises for a long-term partnership, it’s natural for him to continue living the adventurous, untamed life that suits him. For women, attraction often wanes if the man completely changes, because the very traits that drew them in confidence, independence, and a sense of danger or excitement have been smoothed out. So there’s a delicate balance: keeping your true self alive while also creating a connection that allows for mutual growth and shared goals. The problem arises when either side expects the other to fully change for them; it’s rarely satisfying for either party.

Ultimately, relationships require understanding, communication, and compromise. A woman can’t entirely “tame” a wild man without losing some of what made him attractive in the first place, and a man can’t ignore his true nature if he wants to stay fulfilled. The best path is to be honest about your intentions and find someone whose goals, desires, and level of independence complement your own. That way, excitement and stability can coexist, the thrill doesn’t have to die, and the relationship has a real chance of lasting because both partners respect each other’s essence. It’s not about boredom or giving up; it’s about pairing passion with compatibility.

[Member]

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