[jasmine11333]

Hi,
Im 16 years old and haven´t had my first kiss.
So now I met this guy in my new school and we have known each other a few weeks and he asked me on a date so yesterday we went to this really romantic restaurant and had a lovely time. We talked for hours and he was flirty and I flirted back a bit because I felt really comfortable with him. Today we ate lunch together and made plans to go on a second date.
The problem is, no guy has ever treated me as good as he does but I am afraid that I am not attracted to him or would want to get intimate with him. I really, really want to like him because he is so sweet but I feel like I am pushing myself to being attracted to him because I am so stressed about getting into a relationship and having my first kiss.
And now I don’t know what to do because I want to give it a chance and see if there is a “spark” between us but I have this really strong fear of hurting people. So I don’t know what to do if it wouldn’t work out because I have such a fear of hurting him but I feel like it is wayyyy too late to friendzone him now since we have been flirting and it seems like he has real feelings for me. I can’t imagine how this could end without hurting his feelings. What makes it even worse is that nearly everyone at school knows about us and everyone wants us to be a couple.
I want to give it a shot because I feel like we actually would be a great couple and he is such a sweet guy but I am really pushing myself to actually being attracted to him and I don’t know how to end it if i am not, help. ://

Thanks <33

[bamisepeters]

The feelings you are feeling are normal, those feelings are just the one attached to falling in love and been loved for the first time, you even feel insecure thinking he might leave you at the long run especially when you have allowed him entrance into your body. You are still young though but those feelings are normal and no harm in taking risks as life itself is all about risk.

[Ask April Masini]

I agree. Life is rough! And if you don’t want to hurt someone, then you should never date — in fact, don’t even smile at anyone! 😆 The reality is that people are going to like you and you’re going to disappoint them. And guess what? It will happen in the reverse as well. Love and rejection go hand in hand. You try and you win or lose. But if you don’t try, you don’t get a shot at winning. Nobody likes to reject a person, but it’s much kinder to be honest then to drag something on or disappear because you don’t want to face someone you don’t like. Let them take care of themselves and let them be the ones to decide if they’re okay or not.

As for this guy, let it play out a little more. It’s very normal for two people to have slightly different feelings at the same time — but if after three or four dates you just aren’t interested in seeing him again, then let him down gently. He will probably be disappointed, but he’s going to find someone else to date. 😉 And…. you may warm up to him if you give yourself the chance. But the point is — give yourself the chance, and see what happens. Life’s a journey. Take it. Don’t sit on the bleachers. 🙂

[Sally]

You’re 16. You don’t owe anyone attraction, a kiss, or a relationship just because they’re nice or because people are watching. That pressure you feel? That’s what’s making everything feel confusing.

It’s okay to like him as a person and still not feel that spark. You can’t force chemistry. Trying to push yourself into attraction usually just makes your body pull back harder.

Also, it’s not too late to slow things down. You don’t have to decide anything right now. A second date isn’t a contract. It’s just information.
If it doesn’t grow, the kindest thing is honesty, even if it stings a little. Hurt feelings heal. Forcing yourself into something you don’t want leaves deeper marks.
Your first kiss should happen because you want it. Not because you’re scared not to.

[Tara]

You’re confusing pressure with attraction, and that’s a mistake that creates messes. You don’t like him the way you’re trying to convince yourself you do. If you were attracted, you wouldn’t be writing this. Chemistry doesn’t need to be forced, negotiated, or justified it either exists or it doesn’t. Right now, you like how he treats you, not him. That’s comfort, validation, and relief from insecurity, not desire.

You’re 16, not behind, not broken, and not obligated to use this boy as a milestone to prove something to yourself or your school. A first kiss done out of panic, guilt, or social pressure is not romantic it’s regret waiting to happen. Wanting a relationship because you’re stressed about being single is the worst possible reason to start one. That’s how people end up stuck, resentful, and lying to themselves.

You’re also catastrophizing the “hurting him” part. Ending something early with honesty hurts far less than dragging it out while you secretly hope feelings will magically appear. The longer you play along, flirt, and act like this is heading somewhere, the more damage you cause. You’re not protecting him by staying you’re avoiding discomfort for yourself.

And no, it’s not “too late” to stop. You’ve known him a few weeks. This isn’t a marriage, it’s a second date. People at school gossip because they’re bored, not because they get a vote in your life. Their expectations are irrelevant. If you keep prioritizing other people’s feelings over your own clarity, you’ll train yourself to live for approval instead of truth.

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