[Blueyes1120]

I’ve been with my fiancé for two and a half years; I’ve known him since I was twelve. We were good friends before we started dating and we always had a thing for each other, even before we started dating. I would hang out at his house with him, his kids, and his girlfriend at the time and everything. It was truly a dream come true when we finally got together. He has three daughters. One daughter is with one girl and the younger two are with a different woman. The mother of the younger two; who is also the one who never had a problem with me when he and I were just friends; has been giving us problems since the day she found out we were together. She now lives and breathes to make our lives hell and destroy our relationship. She started with sending text messages asking him to meet up, or telling him she missed him, or she would leave voicemails on his phone ripping him apart saying he was a loser and a bad father among other things. She goes on for awhile, then stops for a little, then starts all over again each time it gets worse and worse. She’s recently made a facebook and started sending messages to my fiancé saying things like “thank you for tonight”, “I can’t wait until you tell her (meaning me) to get out”, “thanks for stopping over after work”, the whole nine yards. I know she knows I get on my fiancé’s facebook so I think she’s doing it to get at me because she addressed one to me directly saying “you need to get out, he doesn’t want anything to do with you again grow up and get a life nothing will come between me and him.” As far as the messages she sends saying he stops by and see’s her on his way home from work; I know is untrue because he and I drive to and from work together, and he comes home from work with me and is home for the rest of the night with me. He doesn’t go out on the weekends, and if he does he goes out with me. He’s never asked me to not go somewhere with him or anything like that. I’ve confronted him about all this and asked him if any of its true or if he doesn’t want to be with me. His answer was she’s lying; he still loves me, still wants to be with me, and is still happy with our relationship. He says if he didn’t want to be with me, he’d tell me, and he said if he was cheating on me he wouldn’t come home. But even with all this reassurance from him, all of this still causes friction between us and makes us fight, and I can’t help but to let her drama get to me. Recently she went into a bar in our town and told anyone who will listen that her and my fiancé got back together and the only reason I still live at the house with him is because I won’t move out. My fiancé’s mother lives with his ex and she’s now getting involved. She’s also going around telling everyone we know they’re back together or getting back together and she can’t wait. His mother asks him all the time, “When are you going to do the right thing and get back together with Denise?” to which he answers “never.” But she told the kids she’s getting back with him and everything. I’m to my breaking point. I love him more than anything in the world, but is there any way he and I could get over this and get back to the healthy, loving relationship we used to have? Do i believe him or no? I don’t know what to do please help.

[ankit]

I understand it is very frustrating .But the good part is that your fiance is with you only . Whatever his mother and his ex is saying it don’t bother him . Putting all perspectives in mind you should first talk to your fiance in detail that what he thinks about all this,and when this stops . Whatever you put in this post about his loyalty that wherever he goes,he goes with you , when his mother asks him about when he is going to shift with his ex he said never , shows that the question about his liking and loyalty is worthless . Just talk to him and tell to clear his ex not to interfere if he is happy with you only .

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[Ask April Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You love your fiancé deeply and that he is committed to you, but the interference from his ex and even his mother is creating constant stress and tension. From what you describe, he has been consistent in his words and actions. He comes home to you, doesn’t hide his feelings, and repeatedly reassures you that he’s loyal and wants to stay with you. That’s an important foundation: trust in your partner’s intentions is key in situations like this, because external drama can make you question things that are actually solid.

It’s completely normal that the ongoing interference is causing friction between you. Even when you trust him, repeated provocations, lies, and public comments can trigger insecurity, frustration, and arguments. The critical thing is how both of you handle it as a team. You can’t control his ex’s behavior, but you can set firm boundaries together. For instance, agreeing on rules for communication, limiting the influence of outside voices, and publicly presenting yourselves as a united front can help reduce the tension. His loyalty is shown in action, and reinforcing that as a couple will be more effective than trying to manage the ex or the family drama alone.

The way forward for getting back to a healthy, loving relationship is through open communication and consistent reassurance, not just from him but from yourself too. Remind yourself of the truth of your relationship rather than the lies and manipulation from others. Couples counseling could also be valuable, even just short-term, to help navigate these dynamics and rebuild emotional safety. You can believe him. He is showing you through his commitment but it will require both of you actively protecting your relationship from external interference so you can focus on enjoying each other again, instead of constantly defending it.

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