[ratylird]

I’m going to have to start from the beginning of our relationship and work my way to the more recent.

I got with this girl back in 2007, I was actually in a relationship with her best friend and when we split up, me and my current girlfriend became very close and we ended up starting a relationship.
For the first, say 6 months, it was going good, we spent a lot of time together and very rarely argued. Then after a while, her friends started interfering, arguing with her because she was spending all her time with me and not them. This resulted in her ending it with me.
After a few days she come around and we got back together but then I felt like I was getting messed around, she would constantly make plans with me, then drop them last minute and go out with her friends, then she would moan at me whenever I went out with my friends. We continued to stay together although we argued a lot because of what was happening.
She had this other friend, which was a guy she talked to online. I knew about him and the past they had (she told me when she was younger she used to masterbate on webcam to him – which obviously I weren’t very happy about). One day she told me that they were arguing and he was saying nasty things, so I told her to block him as I didn’t want anyone speaking to my girlfriend in that way, for some reason I asked for her password to make sure he had been blocked. When I logged on, an email popped up from him, so I went to read it, I started to read the history of the message and noticed a few days before hand, she had emailed him saying that she was in love with him and she wished they could be more than friends. Obviously I was distraught, we argued and ended up breaking up.
A few weeks later we got talking and decided to try again, only I said to her, if you ever speak to him again, it’s over.
This situation went on for 2 years, she kept talking to him behind my back then we would split up, then the same over and over again.

In our 3rd year together I decided to throw in the towel, I couldn’t carry on with no trust and she still kept doing things behind my back so.
After a year of being apart, we recently got back together. She’s told me that she’s changed and that she would always put me first as she would never wanna’ lose me again. I still find it quite hard to trust her, only now she’s a party animal aswell which makes me wonder sometimes.
I’ve gotten to the stage in my life where I want to start settling down, I want to move in together and start a family. I know this isn’t the right choice to make, but I’m not getting any younger.

[lesterkiwi]

How old are you exactly? Im guessing mid 20s? Im not sure what your question is, but it sounds like you want advice on whether or not you should continue to see this girl. I think you answered a lot of your doubts in you own post. Reread it.
As far as my opinion on this girl, how much emotional growth can she really have gone through, if she is now a party girl? Party girls arent usually the most stable and responsible people. It’s not likely she has changed all that much. If you want to see her then keep it very casual and let her prove herself to you. In the meantime, make an honest list of your wants and desires in a woman, and go out and date. Once you have a clear idea of what you want, it will be easier to find a better girl. Don’t ever “settle” for someone because you are putting a timetable on your future.
Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I know this isn’t the right choice to make, but I’m not getting any younger.[/quote]

You answered your own question! 😉 Since you want to settle down, and you know she isn’t the right choice, then get serious about finding Ms. Right. I agree with you that she’s not the right choice, and if you continue to play this game with her that spans several years now, where she’s shown you a pattern of putting a relationship with you on the back burner to her friends, another guy and lies that allow her to take care of herself without regard for your feelings, you’re going to stay in the same pattern with her of knowing she’s wrong for you and that you’re REALLY not getting any younger, with each year that you come to this realization and do nothing about it.

Dating isn’t easy — but nothing good ever is. Invest in yourself and your relationship and find Ms. Right. You already know she isn’t. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[ratylird]

[quote=”April Masini”][quote]I know this isn’t the right choice to make, but I’m not getting any younger.[/quote]

You answered your own question! 😉 Since you want to settle down, and you know she isn’t the right choice, then get serious about finding Ms. Right. I agree with you that she’s not the right choice, and if you continue to play this game with her that spans several years now, where she’s shown you a pattern of putting a relationship with you on the back burner to her friends, another guy and lies that allow her to take care of herself without regard for your feelings, you’re going to stay in the same pattern with her of knowing she’s wrong for you and that you’re REALLY not getting any younger, with each year that you come to this realization and do nothing about it.

Dating isn’t easy — but nothing good ever is. Invest in yourself and your relationship and find Ms. Right. You already know she isn’t. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].[/quote]

I really do love this girl though, during the year break we had I got with someone else but I couldn’t stop thinking about her, is there anything I could do to make it work? Anything I could do to make her realise how bad she treats me?

Thanks by the way

[ratylird]

I really do love this girl though, during the year break we had I got with someone else but I couldn’t stop thinking about her the whole time. Is there anything I could do to make her realise how bad she treats me? Anything I could do to persuade her to put me first?

Thanks by the way.

[lesterkiwi]

The problem here is not her, it’s YOU. You want this girl to realize how bad she treats you? No problem mate, she already does, she just does’nt care. She treats you like crap because you let her. Here’s a little secret….this girl does’nt love or respect you. She likley resents you because you are a doormat.
In spite of the fact you know this girl is bad for you…..in spite of the good advice you are getting, you want to stay in this messed up relationship. Look in the mirror and ask WHY? Why do you stay with a lying cheating woman that treat you like crap? You’re insecure.
This girl wont ever love you, treat you well, or respect you, but you will likely stay in this relationship because secretly you don’t think you can do better. And you will be miserable.
If you do grow a pair, stand up to her and leave for good, she will probably tell you she loves you, wants to make it work, blah blah (sound familiar?) she does’nt care. She’s playing you, Why? Because you LET her. The difference between you and her..she has options…you don’t. She can go to any nightclub and find another you that will put up with her crap……and she knows it.
Look, I know by now you think I’m just being a jerk, but I’m not. I sincerely want you to get out of this relationship, do some soul searching, and work on becoming a better stronger person. Only when you like, respect, and are happy with yourself, will you find the quality woman you deserve.
Dating is a skill that can be learned. Put in the time to learn it. Once you become good at it you will have options. When you have options with women, you wont ever have to put up with being treated poorly again.
Good luck.

[lesterkiwi]

The problem here is not her, it’s YOU. You want this girl to realize how bad she treats you? No problem mate, she already does, she just does’nt care. She treats you like crap because you let her. Here’s a little secret….this girl does’nt love or respect you. She likley resents you because you are a doormat.
In spite of the fact you know this girl is bad for you…..in spite of the good advice you are getting, you want to stay in this messed up relationship. Look in the mirror and ask WHY? Why do you stay with a lying cheating woman that treat you like crap? You’re insecure.
This girl wont ever love you, treat you well, or respect you, but you will likely stay in this relationship because secretly you don’t think you can do better. And you will be miserable.
If you do grow a pair, stand up to her and leave for good, she will probably tell you she loves you, wants to make it work, blah blah (sound familiar?) she does’nt care. She’s playing you, Why? Because you LET her. The difference between you and her..she has options…you don’t. She can go to any nightclub and find another you that will put up with her crap……and she knows it.
Look, I know by now you think I’m just being a jerk, but I’m not. I sincerely want you to get out of this relationship, do some soul searching, and work on becoming a better stronger person. Only when you like, respect, and are happy with yourself, will you find the quality woman you deserve.
Dating is a skill that can be learned. Put in the time to learn it. Once you become good at it you will have options. When you have options with women, you wont ever have to put up with being treated poorly again.
Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] Is there anything I could do to make her realise how bad she treats me? [/quote]

Well, there is something you can do to make her realize how badly she treats you: leave. If you continue to come back and stay, she learns that you are willing to put up with this behavior. If you leave, she’ll realize she can’t have you if she continues to behave the way she does.

[quote]Anything I could do to persuade her to put me first?[/quote]

If you leave and she wants you, she’ll make a change, but if you leave and she doesn’t make a change, then you have to understand, that she puts herself first. Everything you’ve described about her is someone who is more interested in herself than you.

You can’t control her or change her. But you can control and change yourself. 😉

[ratylird]

So heres what happend, last night she went on facebook last night on my laptop, later on she went to bed. I went to check my facebook and she had left hers signed in, so I looked at her messages. 2 days after Christmas (which is he birthday) she had messaged a lad tell him he owed her birthday sex! I also found out she still speaks to the other lad I mentioned. I confronted her last night and ended it, she broke into tears saying she doesnt speak to that lad anymore and she lied telling me she hadnt spoke to him for ages so I would get back with her. I didn’t mention the one she asked for birthday sex. We talked about things an we got back together but I don’t want to be with her! I can’t! I’m hurting so much but how can I end it?????? Everytime I try she crys an won’t give up trying to sort it out so I keep giving in, but I know this is wrong an I shouldn’t be with her.

Please help me, I know I probably sound like an idiot but I need help getting out of it.

[lesterkiwi]

There is no more advice that me, April, or anyone else can give you to help. You KNOW what to do. You have to be STRONG and do it. In the long run you will feel better about yourself, and you will be helping her by not enabling her selfish behaviour. Good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your problem has a simple solution: Stop calling her. Stop receiving her calls. Stop texting her. Stop receiving her texts. Stop seeing her.

I know you’re having trouble getting out of this relationship, so you have to be tough on yourself in order to help yourself. Just tell yourself no and follow through.

It’s really that easy. But you have to do it. 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[ratylird]

[quote=”lesterkiwi”]The difference between you and her..she has options…you don’t. She can go to any nightclub and find another you that will put up with her crap……and she knows it.
Look, I know by now you think I’m just being a jerk, but I’m not. I sincerely want you to get out of this relationship, do some soul searching, and work on becoming a better stronger person. Only when you like, respect, and are happy with yourself, will you find the quality woman you deserve.
Dating is a skill that can be learned. Put in the time to learn it. Once you become good at it you will have options. When you have options with women, you wont ever have to put up with being treated poorly again.
Good luck.[/quote]

I took you advice, I pulled 2 women last night on a night out and I’ve also been talking to another one but I think all she wants is sex. I’m not exactly the ugliest fella haha an I’ve proved to meself I can have options, I’ve just gotta’ make sure I don’t fall for her crap again. She’s now telling me she’ll delete her facebook and put me first an treat me right blah blah blah, sick of hearing it now. I’m just hoping she doesn’t do what she done last time and practicaly stalk me for a year :/

Thanks for the advice anyway you two.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[ratylird]

Sorry have been away for a while, I have since found another relationship. It’s going great, even her daughter is calling me dad lol.

I do need more advice though. This girl I’m with lives miles away from me, we’ve been seeing eachother like every 2 weeks, as I said the relationship is going great and she’s asked me to move in in August. I really do love this girl and I actually want to move in with her but at the moment, I’m a carer for my grandmother, alot of problems have gone on with the family and they’ve basically said if I move she would be put in a home. I really love my gran and I know thats not what she wants, to be honest I think it would finish her off, she’s not too well at the moment 🙁. I just dunno what to do, on one hand I think if I moved and something happend to my gran I would regret it and on the other hand I don’t want to lose my chances with the girl that really does seem like the one.

Any thoughts on the matter? I’ve mentioned this on an elderly care forum and they just told me to go and don’t look back, but I can’t help but worry what might happen.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both? How long have you been dating her? Does she have her own place?

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