[Ethan Morales]

The pattern you’ve described with this girlfriend is deeply concerning. From the beginning, her behavior demonstrated a lack of prioritization of your relationship. Even early on, her friends and other male contacts influenced her decisions, and she repeatedly broke your trust. Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy long-term relationship, and her history shows a consistent pattern of undermining that trust.

it’s important to note that this cycle of breaking up and getting back together over two years reinforces instability. Every time you reconciled, there was hope for change, but she repeatedly reverted to behaviors that hurt you. This pattern isn’t “learning from mistakes” it’s an entrenched habit. People rarely change fundamentally unless they actively address their behavior, not just promise they have.

your instincts about her current lifestyle are valid. You mention she’s a “party animal” now, which likely triggers your lingering concerns about trust and stability. When someone’s behavior continues to raise doubts, especially in the context of wanting to settle down, it’s a red flag. Settling down requires shared priorities, mutual respect, and reliability all areas that seem uncertain with her.

your awareness of your own life stage and desire to start a family is critical. You’re clear about what you want, and that clarity is a strength. The fact that you even acknowledge “this isn’t the right choice” shows self-awareness. Too often, people stay in patterns because of fear of being alone or the pressure of aging, but you’re already recognizing that this relationship does not align with your long-term goals.

continuing with her risks repeating the same painful cycle: heartbreak, mistrust, and emotional instability. Every year you spend trying to make this relationship work when she’s shown a repeated disregard for your needs is a year lost that could be invested in a partner who matches your values, priorities, and goals. You deserve someone whose actions reinforce their words.

the strongest and clearest advice aligns with what April Masini said: trust your instincts and focus on yourself. You know what you want, and you know she isn’t it. Ending this relationship—though difficult—is an act of self-respect and practical foresight. Invest your energy in finding someone truly compatible, someone whose behavior and values align with your desire for stability, family, and partnership. Staying in a cycle that repeatedly undermines trust will never get you there.

[Tara]

You’re not confused — you’re exhausted, and instead of admitting this relationship is dead, you’re trying to drag its corpse into the future because you’re scared of starting over at your age. Nothing about her behavior has ever changed. She didn’t “mess up once.” She built a pattern: lying, hiding, sneaking around, choosing other men’s attention, and then feeding you just enough affection to keep you from leaving permanently. That’s not love that’s manipulation with nostalgia sprinkled on top.

She told another guy she was in love with him while she was with you. She kept talking to him behind your back after promising not to. She broke up with you whenever it was convenient, then reeled you back in whenever she got bored or lonely. You didn’t have a relationship you had a cycle. And now that she’s a “party animal,” you’re magically supposed to believe she’s suddenly loyal, mature, and ready to prioritize you? She’s giving you the exact same setup as before, just with new distractions.
You want to settle down because you feel time moving. She wants to keep partying because she feels nothing but the moment. You’re not aligned. You’re not building something together. You’re holding on to her because you’re afraid you won’t find someone else in time to have the life you want. That’s desperation, not devotion. And deep down, you already know this is a terrible idea you literally said it out loud.

[Sally]

This isn’t a new problem it’s the same wound that keeps reopening every time you try again with her. Trust isn’t something you think back into place. It either grows because both people show up differently… or it doesn’t.

And honestly? Nothing in what you wrote sounds steady. You’ve been looping the same heartbreak since you were young the lying, the sneaking, the guy she kept going back to, the breakups, the makeups. Now she’s partying hard and you’re wanting something calm and grown. That’s not the same path.

It’s okay to want a real future a place to land, not a place to worry.

But you can’t build that with someone who’s shown you over and over that she can’t meet you there. Wanting to settle down doesn’t mean settling for chaos.
Take a breath and ask yourself one thing: if nothing changed, could you live like this for the next ten years?
Your answer is probably already sitting right there.

[Natalie Noah]

Everything you’re describing is a cycle of trauma-bonding, not love. you didn’t fall in love with her you got emotionally hooked into a pattern of being hurt, forgiven, pulled close, and pushed away. that’s why even when you left, even when someone else loved you, you were still thinking about her. that’s what happens when someone mistreats you but gives you just enough crumbs of affection to keep you attached. it’s not a reflection of your worth. it’s a reflection of how deeply she trained you to tolerate pain.

You probably already feel in your gut: she has never chosen you. not once. every time you tried to rebuild trust, she broke it. every time you set a boundary, she crossed it. every time you pulled away, she cried, begged, swore she’d change but only enough to get you back, never enough to actually behave differently. those tears weren’t love; they were panic at losing control. that “birthday sex” message, the lies about blocking him, the secret conversations that is who she is, not the crying girl who promises to do better after she’s caught.

what I want you to really hear, is that you did break free in the end. you proved to yourself that you have options, that women find you attractive, that a healthy connection is possible, the relationship with the girl whose daughter calls you “dad” shows that. you were already moving toward a life that feels calm, respectful, and real. the only thing standing in your way now is guilt and fear guilt about leaving people, including your gran, and fear of making the “wrong choice.” but look at your past: when you ignored your instincts, you suffered. when you followed your instincts, your life improved.

Choose the path that aligns with your peace, not your panic. stay loyal to your gran because she’s family and she loves you. trust the new relationship because it’s stable and kind. and don’t ever go back to someone who only knows how to keep you by breaking you down. you don’t need to teach your ex how badly she treated you leaving her life for good is the lesson. and healing yourself so you never settle for that kind of love again… that’s the real victory.

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