[Anonymous]

Dear April,
Where do I start? He found me on Facebook, he lives on the other side of the world and he is quite a bit younger than me (over 10 yr age gap). He has been very intense from the beginning and it’s been scary how fast he has appeared to fall in love with me, based purely on a couple of pics and online chat sessions. Regardless of how much I tried to deter him, suggesting we stay friends, he kept persisting, calling me his soulmate, telling me I was the one he’d been searching for all his life and basically declaring his undying love…..all completely overwhelming. I found it very difficult to get my point across to him and before long he’s lured me into an online romance, which involved regular chat sessions with a stream of e-mail exchanged. He absolutely inundated me with what essentially amounted to ‘Love Letters’ declaring his undying love and devotion and promises of how happy he’ll make me when we’re together, blah, blah, blah. All the while I tried to stay grounded, but found myself getting swept away by all this attention. No matter what objection I threw at him (age difference, physical distance, cultural differences), he always went to extreme lengths to erase my fears. I found myself starting to become obsessive about the entire thing & started spending time trawling through his Facebook account, where I discovered that he’d done this previously with his other FB contacts. This gave me the dose of reality which I was seeking & I promptly blocked him on FB (more for my own sanity than anything else) and sent him and e-mail where I tried (in vain) to explain that I was so overwhelmed by the attention, felt it was too much too soon, was confused, unsure of my feelings for him, hoped we could stay friends for now, felt I was living a lie, couldn’t take it seriously because it was just an online romance.
Soon after, I received an sms from him which read: ‘I read your email – Amazement, Astonishment..u tear my heart out..u cut my heart in half, I’m feeling hard pain in my heart. For me is more gentle to shoot me and die on your shoulder than that letter you wrote. Babe, why did u do that? Plz darling, regain my heart, I give u my hand plz. I am broken, I love you…..your sorrowfully’.
So I emailed him a second time, again trying to make my point that the whole online thing isn’t working for me, but now I’m feeling guilty for wounding him so deeply………..Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Guilty?! 😯 [b]THAT’S[/b] what you feel?

This guy is playing you and tons of other women on Facebook — and you feel (wait for it….) [b]GUILTY?![/b] 🙄

I really wasn’t expecting [i]that.[/i] You really need to check yourself because what you should be feeling is annoyance that this guy played you and irritation at yourself for being the drama queen who bought into his lies.

The internet is a great way to meet people, but it’s not a place to conduct an entire relationship. If a guy is halfway across the world and he doesn’t own a Gulf Stream jet or have frequent flyer miles stashed away in the six figures, you shouldn’t be talking to him as a “date”. He’s not compatible.

Stick to guys in your own area code and use the internet to meet them, but then date them in real life.

As for your question: Is there any hope of this relationship surviving:

Answer: Are you kidding me? NO!!

And if you want me to check any of this out on Facebook — join my group, [b]AskApril.com on Facebook[/b] at this link: [url][/url]. I’d love to help you there, too! 😀

[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Thanks for the feedback….harsh as it was. I haven’t logged on since first posting back in late May, but now that I’ve read your feedback I wish that I had! But after investing a good 6 months in this ‘online relationship’, I have finally pulled the plug on it, but not after much much more relationship drama. In the meantime, I met my ‘online friend’s’ brother, while he was in my town on a conference and found out that my ‘online friend’ is in fact MUCH younger than he led me to believe, in fact over 20 years younger!!!!! And when I called him on his lie, he couldn’t understand why I was so upset…..REALLY??
I also recently learned that my friend’s Visa application was imaginary, and that he’d been getting scammed by a migration agent – no surprise there. Well this was the final straw for me and I let him know I wanted out……and he didn’t take this well, responding with threats to kill himself – which was a major turn-off; but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised given his age & maturity level 👿
I now feel like a real fool for getting dragged into this whole fantasy. You’re so right, a relationship which is played out entirely online is NOT a relationship……and I tried to tell him this repeatedly, but he kept insisting that he would do whatever it took to be with me in person!! However, he made promises he wasn’t able to keep and without researching the immigration process…..only to find out it’s virtually impossible to get a Visa to Australia from his country – not impossible, but certainly not as easy as he’d first assumed!
This ordeal has really taken its toll on me and I’m now in damage control. I invested 6 months of my life in this relationship which went nowhere and that’s time I’ll never get back. Not to mention the time it will take to heal and get back my motivation 😉
April…..I’m really tired of getting into these relationships that go nowhere. What am I doing wrong? Why do I keep attracting & getting dragged into situations that are doomed from the outset??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I could help — even if you read my advice too late! 😕 First of all, please sign up to follow me on Twitter @AskAprilcom (no dot). That way you don’t have to log on here to get a highlight from this site tweeted during the week. I want to make sure you’re on my radar! 🙂

Second, read my book called Think & Date Like A Man, that I wrote for women just like you who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. You could really use this book! You can buy it at Amazon.com, on the Barnes & Noble website, or right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. This book will help you a lot.

And don’t be a stranger — in addition to following me @AskAprilcom (no dot), join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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