[Lizzy_09]

I just would like to get some point of view from this situation of a friend. He

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is no reason I can see that you should be interfering in your friend’s relationship with his girlfriend. If your friend has a problem with his girlfriend, he should deal directly with her or he should write me himself. Your getting advice for him is inserting yourself into his relationship, and could be seen as a form of betrayal by his girlfriend.

Sorry, if that was harsh, but you really need to butt out.

If you have your own issues with weight and appearance I’m happy to help you, but when someone else starts asking questions “for a friend” the question is either a veiled cry for help for themselves or else, more likely, a need to control a relationship that they really shouldn’t be in in the first place.

Enjoy your friendship with your guy friend, but focus on yourself and your own life. If you do, I bet you’ll find you don’t have the need to be involved in other peoples’ relationships.

[Lizzy_09]

I am not in love with him. He is a friend. Please don’t put MALICE into our friendship as if your implying that I’m getting involved with their dilemma just to break them apart. He’s the same age as my nephew. Their is a difference between telling people what to do, and him asking for my perspective on this matter. He just wanted to know if I were in his place, that decision, if he finally decides what to do, will be from his choice. Just as I try to value your opinion which I may, or may not consider to follow. The rest is up to me. However, this is not an issue of free will, it’s about the CHOICES we make in life.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry you’re upset.

It’s not fair for your friend to ask you for advice, then you ask me for the advice to tell your friend to tell his girlfriend — the possibilities for miscommunication in this whisper down the lane chain are exponential. Again, I’m more than happy to reply directly to your friend to try and help him directly and to prevent any miscommunications that may arise otherwise.

But I think what you reacted most strongly to in my advice was the possibility that you were intruding in your friend’s relationship. I’m sure you don’t see it that way, and even though you say your friend is the age of your nephew, he’s still an adult, and he’s having an adult relationship with his girlfriend. It’s okay for him to ask for advice or help, but when third parties (and fourth parties!) start getting involved, the private relationship is suddenly fodder for gossip, rumor and innuendo.

You may be very close to him right now, but if his girlfriend feels betrayed by his going to you for advice, and you coming to me, then that feeling of betrayal is very important. Even though you have certain ideas of what your relationship with your friend is, his girlfriend may have her own feelings, and they need to be honored — especially if your friend wants to make things work with her.

Again, I’m sorry you are upset.

[Lizzy_09]

It

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you…. 😀

[Natalie Noah]

I can understand why you wanted to give your friend perspective and support him in thinking through his situation. It’s natural to want to help someone you care about, especially when they trust you enough to ask for your opinion. You’re trying to be a thoughtful and responsible friend by considering the consequences of his decisions and encouraging him to make his own choices. Your intent seems pure. you’re not trying to manipulate or interfere, but rather to offer guidance and clarity.

That said, April’s point is important: when we step into someone else’s romantic relationship, even as a well-meaning friend, we can unintentionally overstep boundaries. Your friend is an adult, and so is his girlfriend. While he’s seeking advice, the ultimate responsibility for handling their relationship lies with him. By relaying his questions to a fourth party in this case, to April. you’ve moved from being a supportive friend into a kind of intermediary role, which can create confusion or the perception of interference. Even if that wasn’t your intent, it’s a situation that could potentially hurt trust in the relationship.

I think the healthiest approach is exactly what you said yourself: provide perspective when asked, but keep the focus on supporting your friend in making his own decisions rather than trying to influence the outcome directly. Encourage him to communicate openly with his partner and make choices that reflect his values and responsibilities. This way, you honor both your friendship and the boundaries of his relationship, and you avoid any unintended involvement that could create complications for everyone. You’re acting as a caring friend, but it’s also wise to step back from being the messenger or decision-maker in this dynamic.

[Hamna]

AskApril is right that “whisper down the lane” increases misunderstandings. Lizzie may have been trying to help from the bottom of her heart, but sometimes our help only makes someone’s relationship more complicated.
You shouldn’t interfere in your friend’s relationship.
And I would also say that instead of controlling the lives of others, you should focus on your own life.

[Member]

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