[nino]

Hello,
I would like to ask for an advice…
I met a guy2 month, we went on couple of dates, became intimate… I have learned from him that his dad is sick (cancer) but I don’t know the details since he did not want to talk about it…
2 weeks ago we were planning to see each other, he asked me if it would be ok for me to play by the ear, since his father was sick and might had to hang by his side. However, he could not make it and text me he spent 2 days in the hospital with him… I was/am worried about him- I text him asking how his father was feeling. he answered that his dad little better and he would be able to chat with me since his dad would be more stabilized more… since that he haven’t contacted me for 2 weeks. I did not write him either since i was thinking he needs his time, or since our relationship just started I decided not to text/call him all the time asking how he is…
Some of my friends told me he might have just pulled back using this as an excuse… I got little confused
Please advice have you had that kind of Lie in your practice???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he is lying to you. If his father is really sick and has cancer, it’s entirely possible that he is involved in his father’s care and just doesn’t have time or the emotional investment in the two month relationship he’s had with you to date to be in touch with you right now. 🙁 Just because [i]you’re[/i] worried and miss him after two months doesn’t mean he feels the same way, and being intimate with someone doesn’t always carry the same emotional weight for both parties. In other words, your relationship to date may mean a lot more to you than it does to him. That may change over time, but right now, this is what you’ve got. Lots of times it takes people longer than two months and being intimate to decide if the person they’re getting to know is someone they truly want to invest in. So understand that he may not be lying to you — he may just not be that interested yet, and he may have a very real burden in his life in his dad’s illness.

You’re correct in backing off since the relationship is so new. He knows where to find you, and if he wants to he will. I’m sorry it’s hard to wait and it’s disappointing to know that you’re not a priority for him right now, but that’s part of the process of getting to know someone when dating.

I hope that helps.

Please join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url]. 🙂

[nino]

Thank you for getting back to me 🙂

I absolutely understand and even I haven’t decided yet if i want to invest completely my emotions into this relationship. Unfortunately this waiting phase happened when we both were in figuring out process…

I was just wandering if i would text him ( I haven’t called text for over 2 weeks…) that I hope everything is ok with him , would it be too much? or shall I completely back off? sometimes I think since he told me the reason he needs his time, maybe it is appropriate as human to human just to show some attention… do you think it is appropriate? Maybe I even could figure out if I should still keep the door open for him or not…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s always a bad idea for a woman to chase a man for all the reasons I discuss on this website, but if what you’re doing is wishing his father well and hoping his dad gets better soon, I think that’s fine. However, I’d suggest you use a different method than text, which is so fleeting. A thoughtful e-mail or even better, a real life Hallmark type card that you send by the postal service is even better. It shows you took the time to choose an appropriate card and compose a thoughtful message to him that is specific to his dad’s struggle with cancer — rather than dashing off an attention getting text that is more about your convenience than his life.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

And please join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[nino]

Thanks 🙂

I guess I am too proud to chase someone, anyone…
Nowadays I feel like everyone tries to act/be cool in order not to get hurt which is understandable at some point but is also sad…
I always try to put myself in ones position (what would I think, what would I want etc.) and act accordingly. I think in my case it is a nice gesture…
You are right about the method. I emailed him…
Thank u

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I was able to help you make a decision. 😀 I hope you get some clarity on this relationship — one way or the other.

Please join me on Facebook. I’d like to have you as an invited guest on AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[nino]

Hi April,

He emailed me back saying thank you, and telling me how his dad is, that it is still serious and that he still keeps praying for him. Also, that he is hoping that things will get little better soon so he can call and talk to me, and that he is spending every minute with his dad/family at this time.
It feels nice to have some clarity- for my part. I move on and see what happens. Anyway I let my doubt go away.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m so glad I was able to help and that you got a nice result, as well! Good luck! And join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url][/url].

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