[Chels1221]

Okay so I’ve been talking to this guy for at least 5 months. We’ve hung out 3 times. Once to the movies (which I paid for myself) and the other times movie night at his place. He has a job and is always working so we dont get to see each other a lot. Anyway I really like him but I don’t think he’s that interested in me I feel like he just wants to hit it and quit it. I think he’s a player. I asked him if he was talking to anyone else and he said no. I just don’t know what to do. Should I ask him flat out how he feels about me and if he sees this leading to a relationship or should I just sit back and wait. I don’t want to scare him away but I don’t want to waste anymore time or put anymore feelings into this. Please help 🙁

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You already have your answer — he’s not that into you. 😳 If he doesn’t take you out on a date (he asks you out, he makes you feel special, he pays), he’s not that into you. If your only date was dutch treat, and then the next two times you saw each other, he didn’t even feel he needed to show you a good time by taking you out and making you feel important to him, he’s not that into you. You have your answer — don’t go asking for what you already know. Move on! 😉

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[Ethan Morales]

April’s right on the money with this one, and I’ll tell you why. When a guy is genuinely interested, you feel it. He finds the time, even if he’s busy. He plans things, he invests a little not just money, but effort. The fact that he hasn’t done that in five months, and your only “dates” are casual hangouts at his place? That’s not someone building toward a relationship. That’s someone keeping things easy, convenient, and low-investment. You’re not imagining the imbalance it’s there.

Now, I get the hesitation you don’t want to scare him off by being too forward. But the truth is, you wouldn’t scare off the right guy by asking where things are going. The right guy would welcome the clarity. The one who gets scared? He’s not serious anyway. So don’t sit back waiting for him to suddenly change gears take April’s advice. Quietly pull your energy back, stop initiating, and see what he does. If he steps up, good. If not, you’ve got your answer without wasting another month wondering.

[Tara]

You already know the answer, you’re just hoping I’ll tell you something softer so you can keep clinging to a fantasy. Here’s the blunt truth: a man who’s been talking to you for five months and only managed to see you three times isn’t “busy,” he’s uninterested. A man who lets you pay for yourself on the first actual date isn’t courting you; he’s keeping you at arm’s length. And a man whose effort is limited to movie nights at his place is signalling exactly what he wants: convenience, not commitment. You’re not scaring him away by asking what he wants you’re exposing the fact that he never planned to offer anything real. Stop waiting for clarity from someone who’s already shown you their intentions through their behaviour. Ask him directly, get the truth, and be ready to walk the moment his answer confirms what you already feel. The only thing you’re at risk of losing here is more time.

[Serena Vale]

Five months and only three hangouts, and all on his terms, tells you more than his words ever will. When a guy is truly interested, you don’t have to guess. He makes time, he plans things, he shows up.

Right now it feels like you’re the one holding the connection together, and he’s just keeping it alive enough for convenience. That’s why you feel unsure. Your body already knows he’s not giving much.

You don’t need to “sit back and wait.” Waiting is how you lose more time and get more attached to someone who isn’t meeting you halfway. And you don’t need to tiptoe around scaring him away. A man who’s into you won’t get scared by a simple, honest conversation.

Just ask him, calmly and directly, what he’s looking for and if he sees this going anywhere. Not to pressure him, but to get clarity for yourself. If he dodges, gets vague, or can’t give you a real answer, then you have your answer.

You’re not asking for too much. You just want someone who wants you back in the same way. There’s nothing wrong with that.

[Sally]

Five months is a long time to sit in “almost something,” especially when you’re the one doing most of the emotional heavy lifting. And honestly? Three hangouts, all low-effort, all on his terms… that tells you more than whatever he says over text.

A guy who’s serious about you doesn’t keep you in this gray zone. He finds the time. He plans real dates. He shows you you’re wanted, not just convenient.
If you’re already feeling like he just wants something physical, that feeling didn’t come out of nowhere.

You don’t have to corner him with a big dramatic talk. Just something simple like, “Hey, I’m starting to catch feelings and I need to know if this is going anywhere.” His answer or his silence will tell you everything.
Don’t sit back and wait. That’s how your heart gets tired.

[Member]

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