[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]What GREAT advice, [b]bmarez[/b]! 😀[/quote]

yes, that is good advice. thank you “bmarez”! i have a LOT of work to do.

[Crimson_King]

Jeezo Wheezo!

how did this thread get up to 420 or so views??

is it just the spectacle of it? is it like a sideshow? or like an auto accident on the highway that people stop to look at?

what could people possible learn from this exchange.

1) You have an attitude problem……change it.
2) Get a job……somehow.
3) Read April’s books.

Yep, you know, it’s mildly irritating when an advice columnist promotes her own books as advice. I have encountered this time and time again. The readers and customers should do that, not the author.

How is April’s book or books different from the hundreds of others out there in the “self-help” industry? The book should stand on its own. She shouldn’t have to promote it in addition to her own twitter feed.

Thank you.

[Purplerain]

Crimson_King,
You are free not to read the books April wrote, nobody can force you. But you don’t know what you are losing. I believe you are one of the members of this forum that she wrote for a lot ! For free !
Gratitude is something that shows character.
Nobody considered you a “show” in here. People that you have never seen or heard of genuinely spent precious time of their life thinking, writing for your own good. I wish you could have the same strength and sharpness in following your dream for your life and love life, as you show here in these posts. Trying to find faults with everything people are trying to advice you is a dead end. Self help books are good. They are tools to support you when you are looking for answers but it is up to you what you make of them. And again you are the one that filters what suits you and your situation out of them.
I believe you feel overwhelmed by the circumstances . Nobody belittles that, this is why people answered your replies.
I think you yourself would be a very good writer, why don’t you try your hand and mind on that ? Evaluating what you wrote so far I think you are gifted and who knows ?
It’s just a humble personal opinion, please don’t hate me for this !
April recommends us books because it is impossible to write in a post the whole content of a book. In order to know how her books are different from others you have to read them first. A very constructive approach would be to read and then come back and share with us your opinion. Or simply ask April and discuss with her your point of view as compared to hers . When more minds share together we all benefit and broaden our horizons. I believe that she would be very pleased to read our comments and how we evolve in our love life. So far we all behave like spoilt brats, run to her when we are in trouble , use her experience and time ! For the time she spends answering and thinking about each and everyone of us we can never repay her.
Don’t you see Crimson King ? She is spoiling us with her generosity. Very rare. If we would have to go to a counsellor we would pay dearly, by the minute, I can assure you, because I ve been there. 😮
I know you will be angry to read this because you already have your mind set that people are here in this post to antagonize with you or have some hidden, mercurial interests.
I have been struggling financially for a while and inwardly rejected and protested anyone telling me that I have to do something about it. I did not have much initiative. And I paid dearly with precious irreversible time of my life for my stubbornness. We don’t like to be told the truth, most of the time, because it hurts to admit it. I had to move, knock this door or the other, employ everything I knew and everything I did not know even, get anxious, mad, cry, smoke a lot . . . ! But in the end I had to open my mind and see where I was wrong . This is the strength you have to build.
I hope that you will find in yourself so much zest for life, so much passion for finding your happiness, to the point of no return. To the point where you will employ all your knowledge, strength and love for yourself, respect for yourself to get up, take responsibility and just do it !

[Ask April Masini]

Thank you, [b]purplerain[/b].

[Crimson_King]

Dear April,

I am really seriously shocked at the number of views my “problem” created. Almost 600 views??

Wowsers! (as inspector gadget would say…)

i have a confession.

I was….not drunk, per se,…but, after 2 beers, “slightly intoxicated”…..when I made most of my posts to you.

it’s embarrassing. 😳

normally, I have NO desire to say those sorts of things that, upon re-reading the dialogue, I did say. I have no ‘excuses’. And I am grateful at those others who have chimed in.

There is actually a fair amount of happiness when I am sad, lying in bed all day and all night. it’s become a ‘routine’ after 2 years, and, honestly,
I don’t want a relationship. Online pornography does that trick.

I have no desire to “lash out” at you or anyone when I am sober, ok? I would NEVER have asked for your advice if I had NOT had any beers, eh?

One shouldn’t pay attention to what one says after a couple of beers, ok April?

Sorry.

Although…..yesterday, I contacted someone I was completely head over heals in love with 15 years ago (via facebook). I sent her an e-mail stating that she was the sl*ttiest c*nt I ever knew whom I wouldn’t even touch with a ten-foot pole even if she was attracted to me. In 1992, she claimed that she only wanted to be ‘friends’ after all those years growing up and playing together next door.

I told her that she is probably diseased ‘down there’, and all loose and stretched out, flappy, and deformed given the 50 plus people she has slept with, and that she probably has 10 guys’ ‘you know what’ inside her as she reads this. (by the way, you never answered my question about that on Page 1) 😕

I ALSO told her that I hoped that she would develop ovarian, cervical, or breast cancer and would die…..like, tomorrow.

and last, I typed that i hope that she has nothing but miscarriages and stillborns every time she tried to have a child.

Is that evil? I hope not, since it felt SO NICE to mail that one off, given the smile on my face..

you told me that i need to get my feelings in check, but my therapist claimed that I need to ‘release’ my emotions somehow, or come to terms with them…..So….I sent her an e-mail. It doesn’t matter if she responds or not (she hasn’t). But….sorry bout the alcohol-fuelled posts.

sincerely,

Matt

[JackB]

You’re just trolling to try to get a reaction from people, aren’t you? I suspected it before, but this latest post pretty much convinces me that that’s all this is. It’s an entertaining thread nonetheless, I have to admit, but I’m just not convinced it’s real.

[bmarez]

If you aren’t on this site to actually get advice and improve yourself… if it’s all about the ‘views’… you definitely need a new way to get attention. This site is for people to voice their issues and try to get some other points of view. There are so many people out there that have been in the same situation and its nice to know you are not alone. I hope you and your therapist have a great time. I won’t be looking at your post anymore…. I hope you do come to terms with yourself and realize what you are right now is self destructive. Good luck.

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”bmarez”] I hope you do come to terms with yourself and realize what you are right now is self destructive. Good luck.[/quote]

of course “self-destructive”……….an old TV quote…1970:

“this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds” (from Get Smart, look it up)…..

I told you b4 that I wish for some form of cancer, don’t you remember? also, I fibbed, it’s not a therapist, it’s a psychiatrist.

[Crimson_King]

Dear April,

I know it’s been a long time since we corresponded, but I should tell you that I lied again.

Alcohol, I’ve noticed, tends to stimulate lies in ppl who are pathological.

I never asked over 100 women out, nor was I rejected by 100 women.

The real number is about 10-12 women, and about half of those were rejections from junior high and from high school 1986-1992.

So, actually, I have only approached about half a dozen people in the last 20 years. I feel bad about the lie.

The last poster was right, to some extent. I DID wish to gain a response from readers with that “100-110” number, but it just isn’t true.

Also, my emotions don’t spill out all over the place when I am completely sober.

Sorry to lead you on like that, k?

Sincerely,

a sober and less emotional Matt 😳

“If you don’t know where you are going, eventually you will get there.” – Robert Fripp

[Ask April Masini]

Good luck to you!

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]Good luck to you![/quote]

Hi April,

Yeah, I’m surprised that you even wrote something the other day after all these last 4-5 years……anyway, I would have to venture to say that ALL of the posts from 2011 were typed out while under the influence of at least 32 ounces of Bud-Ice alcohol……which I was sipping daily ALL DAY LONG for a few years there.

So, basically, it was all BS from the beginning. When I get online after drinking, I begin to say some fairly bizarre things, & such behavior tends to snowball & descend into lies, just to see if I can get reactions from people.

I haven’t had any alcohol/illicit-illegal drugs or psychotropic substances/chemicals for at least 10-11 months now, & I do realize that I would never have even posed any questions to you about anything really, if I hadn’t been drunk.

But thanks for humoring me back then, ok? No hard feelings?

By the way, I really do have a paranoia though (while completely sober) about encountering some other man’s “you know what” up in there if I ever have oral sex with a woman, or that her “organ” shall I say, will be all loose, flappy, stretched-out or deformed because of all the years’ worth of sex women have had, esp. if they have had relations with an African-American man, actually.

…….I don’t know why exactly I have this paranoia, (is it unfounded?)……..but it has been a voice in my head many times for about 20 years now. I keep saying,

“Jeezo-Wheezo, am I nuts? Just shut up and don’t worry about that. I guess a condom would solve that problem, and so what if it’s all loose”, and then shortly thereafter, there’s the nagging, annoying thought, returned again…….oh well, don’t know what to say.

………..it becomes an obsession/rumination that I fight hard to ignore or dispel from the mind and say to myself repeatedly: “STOP thinking about that!” ……that rarely does the job and this physiological/anatomical fear/anxiety often returns shortly anyway……strange.

I’m not too worried anymore about whether or not I have a relationship anytime in the near future. I’m sure the opportunity will present itself whenever it presents itself, or not. It would be a waste of time to obsess about it.

And I lied absolutely & completely from the very beginning about virginity back then.

I have had sex with 2 separate people, several times with each woman;………..one woman in 1993-4 and the other in 2009-10, (the first girl was a virgin & so was I, but the second was actually loose, and stretched-out, and was offended when I mentioned that I couldn’t feel any physical sensation because of that fact……..but I would suspect (for various reasons) that she had a pretty long list of men she had slept with over the years which might explain that loose-ness, I don’t really know.

……so that whole “Woe is me, I am a virgin” bit was an egregious lie, both to you/the readers & to myself. Why I would lie to myself and pretend that I was a virgin is a mystery; perhaps I want people to feel sorry for me, but that’s a dead-end street really………

However, I learned quite sometime ago that honesty is the best policy, not only to others but more importantly, to oneself.

Thanks again, take care.

Crimson_King

[Ask April Masini]

You’re welcome.

[Ethan Morales]

First, let me be clear you are not a “loser.” That word is meaningless and cruel when applied to someone like you, especially by people who are just being judgmental. Life hasn’t treated you fairly in terms of relationships, and your experiences with Asperger’s make social interactions more complicated, but none of that defines your worth. The fact that you’ve been pursuing therapy and medication shows self-awareness and responsibility, which are huge positives.

Second, April Masini’s advice hits the right point: focus on building a foundation for yourself. Employment, routine, and social independence matter more than sexual experience. Women and people in general tend to respond to confidence, stability, and purpose. A job, or at least structured engagement with life, signals that you can contribute to a partnership. Your education and intellect are strong assets, and framing yourself as someone interesting, capable, and thoughtful is far more attractive than worrying about being inexperienced.

Third, sexual inexperience is not a permanent barrier to relationships. While some people might prefer experience, many others value honesty, emotional depth, loyalty, and intelligence above sexual history. Being upfront about your situation will filter for someone who truly appreciates you for who you are. Think of it as a rare trait: someone patient and understanding can actually be more rewarding in the long run.

Fourth, emotional health is critical. You describe intense sadness, crying, and despair when seeing couples. This is not just disappointment it’s grief and depression, and it deserves active care. Keep engaging in therapy and, if possible, explore social or interest-based groups where you can connect with people safely. Even small social wins can help counter isolation.

[PassionSeeker]

I can feel how much pain you’ve been carrying, and it’s not something you deserve to go through alone. You’ve been through addiction, rejection, and the heavy loneliness that comes from wanting connection so deeply that’s a lot for one person to hold. But none of that makes you a “loser.” You’re a human being who’s been hurt, who still hopes, and that hope means you’re not done yet.

As for love yes, there are women who value honesty, gentleness, and effort more than experience. But before focusing on dating, take care of you. Healing, getting grounded, finding small victories that’s what builds confidence, and confidence attracts people naturally.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing, man you’re not a loser. You’re just stuck in a loop that’s feeding your pain instead of helping you move forward. Being 38 and a virgin doesn’t define your worth it just describes your story so far.

But I’ll be real with you: the bitterness and self-pity in your tone are pushing people away before they even get a chance to see you. Women don’t run because of your inexperience they run because they can feel when someone’s carrying resentment or desperation.

You’ve done therapy and meds that’s good. But what you need now is exposure to life again. Get out of bed, join something small but social a class, a hobby group, volunteering. Somewhere that lets you exist around people without the pressure of dating. Practice connection first; attraction follows confidence, not tears.

And yeah there are women who’d date a man with no experience. What they need is honesty, warmth, and emotional steadiness not apologies for your past. So stop asking, “Who’d want me?” and start becoming someone you’d want to be with. That’s when things start shifting.

[Author]

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