[buckeyes_fan33]

Ok, this is a long one, so I want to apologize in advance.

I’ve known this guy for a year and a half (he’s our blacksmith, meaning he trims my horses hooves). When I first met him, it hit me like lightening that “Wow, he could be the one”, like a soulmate kind of thing.

I found out that he had a gf, (he told me) and then a couple months later, he was engaged. I started thinking, OK, maybe he’s NOT the one for me then. I liked him, but realizing he had a gf, I willed myself not to do anything because he’s involved. Fast forward to a couple months later, I found out that he broke it off because it was moving too fast. I thought he liked me, because he gave alot of signs, or so I thought.

He has hinted at coming over in the past. Back in June, he suggested coming over for my birthday. Being an idiot, I kinda blew it off and I probably hurt him (he didn’t show it, but I know it did). After that, things kind of cooled, but he was still flirty.

Recently, like last month, the last time that he came out to trim, we started talking about the bad luck we’ve had, and he suggested that we should go get a drink at a bar. Neither of us has brought it up since then about going out. I really, really like this guy.

I sat down and wrote this long letter about how I felt about him. I know, it’s cheesy, but it’s the only way I could express how I felt about him, because I’m too shy to tell him in person. I called him the other day to tell him that I had something to give him. He came out that same night, but I chickened out. Yesterday, I couldn’t take my feelings anymore, so I called him and left him a voicemail telling him that I liked him. Big mistake, I know. He hasn’t called me back, which I didn’t expect because it probably really shocked him that I like him like that. So, I’m taking it as rejection. My heart is broken in a million pieces right now, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get him out of my head.

So, now my question is, how do I get over him and move on?

Thanks for any advice.

[Ask April Masini]

Well, the good news is you didn’t give him the letter. The bad news is that you called him and while I don’t know exactly what you said, I’m assuming that you basically spilled your guts (so to speak). The good news is you recognize that was not a good move and you won’t do it again. The bad news is you’ve also told him all about the bad luck you’ve had… I’m assuming you meant with men and dating? This too, I’m afraid was a mistake… If you’ve read my columns or my books, you know that everyone (men and women alike) want to date a prize. Meaning, if they think no one else wants you – why should they? Your commiserating with him about your “bad luck” falls under TMI (too much information) – if you want to date the guy. If you’re just interested in being friends with him — it’s fine.

What do you do now? You pull way, way back — I mean completely. The good news is, (yes, there is more good news) it’s only been 2-3 days since you left the message and no immediate reaction doesn’t mean there’s zero hope… What it does mean is that you’re in a weakened position and you’ve got to 100% let him do ALL the pursuing from this point on. If he is interested in you, he will come after you and he will ask you out. If he doesn’t, he’s not the one for you and his non-response is actually a gift — it lets you get on with your life.

Here are a couple of columns that are worthwhile reading (they’re free):

As for how to get over the hurt? Well, I’d be lying if I said there was a quick fix. There isn’t. However, the best thing you could do for yourself, your state of mind, and your future is to get out of the house, get involved with anything/everything that is of interest to you, and put yourself in a position to meet someone new. I would also highly recommend you try online dating.

Finally, get my book Think & Date Like A Man — and read it.

[buckeyes_fan33]

Thanks April.

No, by bad luck, I didn’t tell him about my past dating experience. It was about our families and friends, how he’s lost some friends this year, and how my grandma has been ill. He knows all about my grandma, because he asks how she’s been doing, and stuff like that.

About the phone call, I just basically said that I liked him, and I don’t know if he felt the same way, but I had to tell him how I felt. That was basically it.

I know that I need to pull back, and I’ve had no contact with him at all, and I don’t plan to either. I’m feeling slightly better, but some hurt is still there.

As for ever liking somebody else again, I think I’m done with the whole dating men thing. This was enough for me.

Thanks again.

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Natalie Noah]

The emotional intensity that comes with unspoken feelings and timing. You clearly felt a deep connection with him, and the fear of rejection made expressing your feelings incredibly difficult. Leaving a voicemail was a brave step, even if it didn’t produce the immediate response you hoped for. It’s natural to feel heartbroken when someone you care for deeply doesn’t reciprocate in the way you wish. The important thing here is that your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step toward healing.

It’s also clear that you’ve been very thoughtful and self-aware about your actions. You recognized the potential impact of your message and understand that at this point, pulling back is the healthiest approach. By letting him take the lead, you’re creating the space for him to decide if he wants to pursue something without pressure, which also protects your emotional well-being. This step back is not just about giving him the opportunity. it’s about regaining your own sense of control and emotional stability.

Another key point is your acknowledgment of moving on. Even if it’s hard to imagine dating again, this heartbreak can be a catalyst for growth. Allowing yourself to engage with your own life friends, hobbies, and new experiences helps to redirect your energy and slowly diminish the intensity of these emotions. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but each small step toward focusing on yourself will gradually ease the pain and open the door to future possibilities.

It’s important to recognize that this experience, while painful, is also an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your needs, and how you want to navigate romantic relationships in the future. Feeling deeply for someone doesn’t make you weak. it makes you human. The lessons from this situation will help you approach relationships with more clarity and confidence when you are ready to open your heart again.

[Author]

Posts