[Annadaniels63]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and I absolutely love him. After about a year I had some serious relationship doubts, but knew I didn’t want things to end and when asking for a 2 week break, actually ending up canceling it a few hours in because of how much I missed him. Everything is always great when we’re together and when we’re apart normally everything is perfectly fine. Since we’re both in college breaks are a little tough being apart from one another. Whenever we’re apart for a little while I start to overthink every little detail and I can usually talk myself out of it but it still makes me feel like our relationship isn’t strong or that it’s doomed because I have these thoughts. A lot of it is due to my anxiety but it’s so frustrating to me because I don’t want to think my relationship is destined to end. I love him and want to be with him but there are these nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that says it won’t work out. What should I do?

[Dman]

From my many years of dating and marriage, I can tell you 1. that you must be happy whether with him or not to have a great relationship and 2. that thought pattern will guarantee that it will end. Let go, enjoy it and have fun, the rest will take care of it self.

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like your personal anxiety is creating relationship problems. The anxiety seems to be coming from what you describe as 1) “nagging doubts” about the relationship, as well as 2) fear of the relationship ending. People can have doubts and enjoy a healthy, long-term relationship. Doubts and happiness don’t have to be mutually exclusive. We live in a world full of uncertainty so having doubts isn’t a bad thing — it’s normal. However… your behavior regarding these doubts is what will affect the relationship. So, if you can have doubts and be okay in the relationship, then all will be fine. But if your doubts become panic, these panic attacks are more effective at gnawing away at a healthy relationship. That’s why you have to figure out what the panic is about and whether or not you can calm yourself down. You didn’t mention what the doubts about the relationship are, so I can’t help you there, so much. But you did say you were afraid of the relationship ending, and that’s understandable, but when you realize that relationships sometimes do end, and break ups and rejection hurt, and that by being in a relationship these discomforts are always a possibility, you’ll be closer to finding peace with reality. Nobody likes a break up or rejection, but people get over them and go on to find love again, and once you realize that you’re strong enough to be in a relationship that may or may not end, you’re going to be able to let go of your panic.

I hope that helps!

[Tara]

You’re not dealing with a “relationship problem,” you’re dealing with your inability to control your own mind, and you’re dumping that weight onto the relationship like it’s supposed to hold you together. The pattern is obvious: when he’s in front of you, you feel safe.

The second he isn’t, your anxiety spins a story, and you swallow it whole. That doesn’t make the relationship doomed; it makes you unstable. You asked for a break, then collapsed within hours because you can’t tolerate discomfort long enough to think straight. That’s not love, that’s emotional dependency masquerading as devotion. And the overthinking every time you’re apart isn’t intuition, it’s your fear of loss chewing through your logic. The verdict: stop diagnosing the relationship and start handling your anxiety like an adult. Strength isn’t built by obsessing over “what ifs,” it’s built by managing your own mind instead of expecting the relationship to soothe you. Until you fix that, it won’t matter who you date; you’ll sabotage every future you try to build.

[Author]

Posts