[shelly75]

hi i need relationship advice ive been with this man for 9 years and hes older than me the trouble is he gets on with my daughter sometimes ,my daughter has emotional problems and has an anger problem shes 12 and im currently getting her help to deal with her problems , i love my daughter and my boyfriend whom i have a 7 yr old son to but i wish that he wouldnt go hot n cold towards me one minute he wants to stay and work things out and support me then the next he just storms out away ,what should i do i love them both he says our relationship isnt as exciting anymore because we put everyone else before us even other family im afraid that our relationship will end i would appreciate any advice thanks

[Ask April Masini]

You’re in a tough pinch. Your boyfriend is right that your family has come before your relationship. You have a 7 year old together, and a 12 year old with anger issues (and teenage hormones! 😕 ) from a previous relationship. It would be unrealistic to think you’re going to have smooth sailing along the way.

I know you’re fearful of losing him, but my advice to you is to allow yourself to have that fear because it’s a realistic possibility, but not to be paralyzed by it. You have a lot of juggling to do, so get ready to keep the balls in the air! 😉

First of all, take advantage of any custody schedule you have with your daughter’s father. I’m assuming he at least takes his daughter to his house every other weekend. On those weekends, arrange for a sleepover for your 7 year old son with a friend or family member so you and your boyfriend can have some alone time to try and get your relationship back on track. If you can’t find someone to host your son for an overnight, get a babysitter to come into your home for the night, and you and your boyfriend take a hotel room for the night! 😎

Sex isn’t everything, but it really helps cement a relationship, and in your case, I think it would be really great for both your boyfriend and you. I can only imagine the stress you’re under.

In addition to those every other weekend night trysts with your boyfriend, start giving him little bits of attention. Make sure to greet him when he comes home. It’s such a small gesture, but even if you leave your kids crying for 30 seconds to walk over to him as he comes home and hug and kiss him, he will get the message that he’s important.

You need to try and get a little spark back into your sexual and romantic life, and believe me, I know this is a tall order with tough kids and ex-spouses, but consider it your job, so do it well 🙂

Your boyfriend may go hot and cold, but that doesn’t mean you have to. You need to be the rock in the family, so take care of yourself, find your sense of humor in all of this, try and make dinner dates for you and your husband (without the kids) with other couples in similar situations so you can rant, hear stories worse than your own, and get support.

I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go!

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