[confusedguyhere2011]

I have been in a relationship on & off for about 7 years. We did fight alot but i think we really did care & love for each other. Over the past year the relationship did get out of hand. We argued more & she did slap me on a couple of occasions. In Oct we got in an argument & she was poking me in the face & i did slap her. I realized right away that i made a bad mistake but i couldn’t take it back. I ended up leaving & went home which is about an hour & a half away. We seen each other a lil bit after that then she got mad at me & got a restraining order against me. The same very night she got it, she emailed me saying that she loves me & in the next 4 years if i change my ways or am willing to listen to her then she will not call the police. I was nervous about this so i didnt call her right away & she kept sending me a few emails so i finally called her & i went up to see her & things were ok for a couple weeks then she got upset about me not moving in. She called the police & showed them that i emailed her so i got a court date for violating the order. About 3 weeks later she emailed me & said she would be in my town the next day & if i would please call her or meet her. I didn’t meet or call her but she kept leaving me messages. I ended up calling her & we started seeing each other again. I know dumb mistake. Things were going ok & seemed to be getting a lil better then she checked my email & found a forward from a girl i seen a few years ago when we were broken up. It was just one of those goofy forwards. She got mad & accused me of seeing her still which i wasn’t but we got into an argument again. I left & she called the police & now i have to go to court for violating the order again. I know this sounds like a very messed up situation. She kept telling me when i moved in she would drop the order. Alot of what happened is my fault. She has been pushing me to move in for quite awhile. I had financial problems & other things i wanted to take care of 1st but i should have just moved in. She has been on match. com & plentyoffish.com for quite awhile, even when we were together & said when i move in she will take the profiles down. She also read my facebook page in which i would just say things like i’m very sad & i would change everything if i could. She has blocked me from her facebook page awhile ago but i wonder if she is looking at mine with a made up account or something. I’m not sure if she’s even looking at it anymore, but i still wonder if she is. She has told me she has never loved anyone as much as me, even the last time i seen her which was 3 weeks ago she said that. We were apart for almost 3 years at 1 point & we came back together. I understand she is probably mad, sad, frustrated & alot of other feelings. I’m sure she feels there is no hope to keep going on with each other. There is times when we get in fights & we don’t talk to each other for days, weeks, sometimes a month or 2 at a time. I was just wondering, maybe from a woman’s point of you if she does still love me & needs time away or is wanting me to think of the bad things i have done & try to change myself? She was always saying we should go to counseling or i need to change which i’m working on now. Does she still love me or is she moving on? Any advice would be helpful

[Anonymous]

Ok I like your message I’m going through a restraining order myself so i want to help. First of all do not break the order you can go to jail dude plus fines and so on. On the restraining order you were served she made accusations about you and that is how she got the restraining order. Look on the restraining order paperwork are the all the truth or was she lying to the court to get this order. Second its not always easy to get an order dropped even if she wanted to because she is viewed as being in danger that’s why they authorized it. She took legal means to keep you away and if she truly wants to forgive you then go to court and see if you can get it amended. To do this she will need to admit to the court she lied and that it was falsified which should get the judge to drop it. If she cares about you and wants to really rekindle then she will do this so you can legal be around her without any repercussions. Getting a restraining order isn’t a game it’s serious stuff I know you love her but it goes to show you she can screw you big time. In my case my ex filed a restraining order is asking for sole custody of the kids and wants 600 in child support and only supervised visits at a facility a few hrs a week with my kids. I happen to have a witness and some proof that her accusations are false so I’m lucky I can get the restraining order dropped since I know it was falsified but if it weren’t for proving that to the judge that girl would get everything she asked for. So be careful even if you got this girl back if she choose to do it again she could take you for everything you got if you don’t watch your back and protect yourself she will use your weakness of being in love with her to manipulate you and take you down. In the long run it won’t work but if the sex is good shes pretty and you cant imagine life without her just remember to be prepared for her to one day turn on you and be prepared to defend yourself. It’s really not a healthy loving relationship but it may be better than being along for 6 months to find a new hot girl so good luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The [b]guest[/b] who gave you advice is right. You’re now not only in a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with this woman, you’re also in the court system, and are in danger of going to jail, paying fines and having a criminal record that will follow you around and become an obstacle for you.

This woman is unstable and she will probably hit you again and/or call the police again. Whether or not she wants the restraining order removed, is not her decision. The state you live in has deemed you a threat and it is THEIR decision to remove the restraining order or not. Regardless, this relationship is going to bring you nothing but trouble. Women who are physically abused commonly love their abusers and go back to them over and over and the court system knows this, so just because she says she’ll remove the restraining order doesn’t mean she has the ability to do so.

The bigger problem is that you are continuing to pursue a woman who has hit you, has been hit by you and who has gotten you involved in the criminal system. What is it about YOU that keeps you going back to her?

My advice is you cut off all communication with this woman and never look back. There is no way this can end up being a healthy or fulfilling relationship in the long run. Sorry.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that this helps.

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[confusedguyhere2011]

Yes i understand what you mean & thanks for the advice. Now tonight i get an email from her. The last time i talked to her was a month ago & that was when she called the police & i got in trouble for violating the order. She emailed me tonight saying that i have to leave her alone & she doesn’t love me & will never ever be with me ever again & that i had so many years to change & move in with her & go to counseling & do the right things. I already know this. Alot of times when we got in fights in the past even before all of this restraining order stuff she would say she never wants to see me again & she will call the police if i contact her & she is movin on with her life. I understand all of that. Why would she email me after a month just out of the blue & write that stuff? Is she trying to get me to contact her in some way? Before when she wrote that stuff i usually would go apologize & we would work things out but now i can’t & won’t. I also understand if she is moving on but i already knew that. Just wondering why she would send me an email like that after a month when i knew all of this already? Is she just still mad & want to vent to me or is she trying to get me to contact her back in some way because this is how she used to be in the past? Not saying this is the case now or not, i really don’t know. In the past sometimes we wouldnt talk for weeks or months at a time. She also said she would drop the order if i moved in, on many occassions. Is she sending me an email because she is just very upset or because she is trying to bait me into something or what? I just don’t understand why she would do it out of the blue a month later. Any advice at what she might be thinking or why she did it after i already knew all of this?

[Anonymous]

Well in my case my ex did similar stuff contacted me or came to my parenting time but I found out through one of her friends she had cheated on me. I had pushed her so far ya she was moving on never to return and within a short time got into a new relationship. With your case she will do the same just remember who cares why she emailed you or this or that stick with the current facts she put a restraining order on you got you into trouble by helping you break it. You need to learn how to get over her although it will be hard mostly because you will have trouble finding another attractive girl as good as your ex. You will do it though if you put enough effort into it it will just take time and healing and make sure this new woman isn’t like the other you don’t need another restraining order on you it will impact your life to much which you don’t need. Learn to respect women and if something happens fights whatever just let it go. You can’t be worse off than me that had a 5 year relationship and 2 kids together and now I’m fighting a restraining order and custody battle its nightmare and I still havent found a new quality gf just dates. Just keep yourself busy and protect yourself we want it to be a happy ending for you. I know all you want to hear is she secretly wants you back but like I said everything she’s doing now proves she doesn’t give a heck about you in fact she enjoys being able to still manipulate you and be out there dating. You will never get what you want from her which is a happy relationship its already dead the damage has been done start fresh again I know it sucks but the sooner you start the better you need someone to care for you. So ignore her and stop trying to figure out every little thing which makes no difference of the outcome and get back out there in the dating world again best of luck.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’ll re-read the advice I gave you already and stay away from her and not contact her again.

Your remaining questions wondering why she tries to re-engage with you have to do with her personal need for drama. Sometimes people grow up with dysfunction and violence and while they know, intellectually, that it’s wrong, on an emotional level, they try and replicate that dysfunction — at least until they evolve enough to understand why they’re doing what they’re doing and decide to stop doing it.

Don’t think about why she’s doing what she’s doing. Instead think about why YOU’RE doing what YOU’RE doing and I hope that what you’re going to be doing is moving on and staying far far away from this woman. 😉

Please check me out @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

i have a ma fiance in jail cuz one of his freinds likes him he dont liker he told her to leave her alone but she wont she put a restrainign oreder on him so she changed her number and texted him and dint stop she kept bugging so she call cops and he in jail but wat can i do ? i mean he has prove but he broke it by replying bak to her she dropped the charges now what ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The bottom line is that your fiance violated a restraining order. It doesn’t really matter in the eyes of the law, what she did to provoke him. The court granted an order restraining your fiance from contacting this woman in any way — and he didn’t play by the rules.

The best thing YOU can do is to encourage him to disengage with her altogether. Don’t respond to her communications. Don’t contact her. If he sees her in a room, to leave, regardless of the circumstances. The rules are pretty clear — all he has to do is abide by them.

I hope that helps! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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