[laniidanial94]

Hi!
Details:
1. he is a VERY good friend to me
2. we told each other we had feelings for each other just last month.
3. we went on many dates, and things got steamy. We have not had sex yet, but very close.
4. He has been trying to tell me he likes me for a whole year, but I was always canceling plans and not responding to messages promptly.

Things got very steamy last Sunday, and he was fine the day after but I noticed he was different on Tuesday. I did the awful thing of accusing him of ignoring me, and I have been picking this kind of fight with him often. We had fought many times before this. HE did not text back until Friday and asked to meet me in person. When we met, he said that he rather remain friends because being more than friends is exhausting and that he does not want to hurt me. We sat in his car, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. HE wouldn’t stop kissing me hands and telling me, “I need time. Give me time to heal. I care about you so much but I don’t like how much we fight so early on.” This morning he asked me to see a movie with him and we cuddled the entire time, and he kept playing with my hair and kissing my hands. However, he accidentally touched my breast and he said “oh oops I am sorry.” That made me feel bad because I felt like he was friend-zoning me. I am so confused right now because I don’t want him to ever regret wanting more than a friendship with me. He said that he has liked me for so long but I have hurt him so much. How do I overcome this? I truly care for this man, and I don’t want him to think that I only like to fight. Do you think he is still interested?

[AskApril Masini]

All you have to do is stop fighting! I know that sounds simple — and in reality is a lot harder to do. But, instead of finding fault, find ways to compliment him. Stop yourself from fighting, and to do so….Understand that this has a lot to do with you recognizing the signs of a fight coming on, and using self discipline to avert the fight. In addition, use [i]really good manners[/i] — like being timely when you respond to messages, or if you cancel a get together, don’t do it at the last minute, leaving him hanging. If you keep your side of the street clean, those fights and that bickering will fade away.

The other thing to avoid is drama. Don’t make a big deal out of things — for instance, if he apologizes for touching your breast, let it be. Don’t make a big deal out of it. This is a new relationship as far as romance goes, and you have to allow for these faux pas’ and bumps in the road. Find your sense of humor, rather than your quick to blame trigger.

To try and save things, since it’s Christmas and you have New Year’s Eve coming up — slather on the sweet behavior. Invite him for dinner and cook. Or bring him little presents and plan a New Year’s date that is generous and romantic. Flirt and compliment him and make him feel good about being with you — not concerned with bickering and drama. In other words, show gratitude for the romance, and show your best romantic feelings. Don’t slide back into the friend zone… but at the same time, become the girlfriend he wants in the relationship you both want. 😉

[laniidanial94]

Okay so we watched a movie last Wednesday, and I noticed that he could not keep his hands off of me. It was insane, but once he began touching a lot, he said , “oh I have to stop myself. ” That kind of upset me so we sat in my car, and I said, “I feel like you’re trying to resist to me and It’s make things awkward and weird.” He said things like its hard for him to resist but he’s trying so hard but he got red flags, and doesn’t want to get hurt. He also couldn’t stop kissing my hands and trying to touch my face and kiss my forehead. I began crying uncontrollably, and he grabbed my face and kissed me for literally half an hour, and said, ” I want to give this another shot. Let’s start fresh, and lets see what this new year has in store.” That made me so happy, but I said ” no don’t say that because you feel bad for me.” He responded with, ” I don’t feel bad, I want this.” I went home, and we exchanged good night messages. I am writing this message because I am so concerned as his messages are so short, boring, and not-flirty at all. I’ve been very sick and he’s been checking up and today he said he wishes he can kiss me at midnight and all that jazz. He ended up going to bed earlier then midnight but wished me a happy new year. Should I be concerned with the short messages? Do you think that he is talking to me out of pity?

[AskApril Masini]

I think he really likes you, and those short messages had everything to do with the fact that he’s sick and not feeling well. It’s hard to be flirty when you’re run down and feeling punk. I don’t think his responses have to do with anything else. As for what happened — he’s definitely attracted to you, and when he stopped himself from going forward when the two of you were making out, by saying, “Oh, I have to stop myself,”, he was looking for a clue from you as to what YOU wanted him to do. Guys aren’t always as confident as they might seem to be, and I think he was looking for confirmation from you that it was okay to continue, or that you liked what was going on… so when you’re in that position next time, give him some input when he says, ‘Oh, I have to stop myself,” because he really wants your feedback and didn’t know how to ask for it.

When you started crying he may have gotten the idea that you weren’t into him or that you were conflicted, when really, he would have loved to have heard you tell him that you enjoyed what was happening and that you wanted to continue or you wanted him to continue, or not — but he probably didn’t expect your weeping. And that might have thrown him for a loop.

For now, lighten up and try to have fun with him! Flirt, compliment him and let him know how you feel. He needs your reassurance that he’s going in the right direction and doing the right things, as you both try to take this relationship out of the friend zone.

I hope that helps!

[PassionSeeker]

I can feel your heart in this. It sounds like there’s a lot of back-and-forth here, and that’s tough. You obviously care for him, and he clearly has feelings for you too, but it’s like there’s a disconnect every time things start to get a little more serious.

I think April’s advice is on point here you’ve got to stop the fighting. It’s not easy, especially when you’re feeling emotional and frustrated, but if you keep picking fights, it might push him away even more. The whole ‘I need time’ thing can be hard to hear, but sometimes people need space to figure out what they really want. And honestly, don’t read too much into the short messages. He’s sick, and that’s probably affecting his energy.

Take it slow. Stop pressuring him and just enjoy the moments you have together. Flirt, be sweet, and let him know you’re into him without pushing too hard. If you keep showing him your good side the fun, relaxed you he’ll start to see you in a different light. Don’t let this slip back into the friend zone, but don’t rush either.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… he is interested, but he’s scared of the drama, and honestly, you’ve been feeding it without meaning to. 😏 crying in cars, fights, late-night accusations… it’s exhausting, and he knows it.
if you want him, chill the chaos. show him you can be fun, flirty, and calm without the fire. he’s already giving you kisses, cuddles, hair-play and that’s him saying he still wants you. now it’s your move! don’t push, don’t panic, just be irresistible without the fights. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

This isn’t about whether he “still likes you.” He does that’s obvious. You don’t kiss someone’s hands, cuddle through a movie, or ask for time to “heal” unless there’s still emotion there. The problem isn’t attraction. It’s emotional fatigue.

You both care about each other deeply, but the relationship dynamic has turned into a tug-of-war between affection and tension. He keeps trying to connect you keep testing that connection. You’re afraid to lose him, and that fear leaks out as accusations and “fights.” He’s not leaving because he doesn’t care. He’s pulling back because he’s trying to protect himself.

“I need time. Give me time to heal.” → Translation: “I love you, but being with you has started to hurt.” He’s not saying he’s done forever. He’s saying he needs peace to breathe, to remember why he fell for you before the fighting took over. Apologizing for touching you. → That wasn’t rejection that was him trying to be respectful. After saying he wanted to slow down, he’s terrified of giving you mixed signals. He’s fighting his own attraction while trying to stay disciplined. So, that “oops” wasn’t friend-zoning. It was restraint.

When you accused him of ignoring you, he didn’t hear, “I miss you.” He heard, “You’re failing me again.” And that’s what drained him. He’s been chasing you emotionally for a year trying to show up, trying to get through and the second he got close, it turned into friction. So his nervous system is probably screaming for calm.

Go quiet but not cold. Don’t chase him or over-text. Just match his energy. Let him feel that peace you want him to associate with you again. Send one calm, kind message next week. Something like: “Hey, I’ve been thinking about everything you said. I understand needing calm and I really do care about you. I’m working on slowing my reactions down. No pressure, just wanted you to know.” Then stop there. No follow-up. Let that seed sit. Catch your triggers. Every time you feel ignored, instead of sending a reactive message, take 24 hours. Let your emotions cool before you say anything. That’s how you rebuild trust. Make peace your priority. You don’t need to perform “sweetness.” You just need to show consistency reliability, calm energy, no drama. That’ll speak louder than flowers or gifts ever could.

Yes, he still cares. Yes, there’s still a chance. But if you want that chance to mean anything, you have to show him through your behavior, not your words that the fighting version of you isn’t the real you. He doesn’t need you to be perfect. He just needs to feel safe loving you again.

[Marcus king]

Yes he is still interested. You don’t kiss someone’s hands, cuddle them through a movie, and ask for time to heal if you don’t care. His feelings are real. The problem isn’t attraction. The problem is emotional safety.

Right now, he’s pulled back because the connection has become anxious and tense. When someone likes you deeply for a long time, and then finally gets close to you, they become more vulnerable which means the fights, accusations, and emotional swings hit harder. From his perspective, the relationship started feeling like pressure and conflict instead of warmth and ease. That’s why his language is about being tired, hurt, and needing time to heal not about losing feelings.

The cuddling and affection show he still wants closeness. But the “oh, sorry” moment after touching your breast wasn’t rejection it was him trying to respect the boundary he just set (friends for now). He’s trying not to cross lines because crossing lines leads right back into intensity, and he’s scared of winding up in the same painful cycle.

[Tara]

He is not confused. You are. He told you exactly where he stands. He likes you, he cares about you, he’s attracted to you, but being in a relationship with you feels like emotional combat. The fights, the accusations, the insecurity, the constant pressure you put on him sucked the excitement out of what could’ve been something good. He didn’t step back because he lost interest. He stepped back because he’s exhausted.

All the hand-kissing, cuddling, and gentle affection you’re obsessing over is not proof that he wants a relationship. It’s guilt. It’s comfort. It’s him trying not to hurt you while still keeping distance. If he wanted to get back together, he wouldn’t be asking for time to “heal.” He wouldn’t be asking to stay friends. He wouldn’t flinch and apologize when he accidentally touched your breast. That reaction was him trying to reinforce the boundary he already gave you.

You are clinging to the physical affection because you hope it cancels out his words. It doesn’t. He said he wants to be friends because the relationship dynamic with you is draining. And he’s right. You admitted it yourself: you picked fights, accused him of ignoring you, canceled plans, responded late, and pushed him away for a year. Now you’re panicking because he finally hit his limit.

You want to know if he’s still interested. Yes, he’s interested in you as a person, attracted to you physically, and emotionally attached. However, he is not interested in being in a relationship with you at this time. He’s burned out.

[Sally]

You two clearly care about each other, and that’s why this hurts so much. But from everything you described, he’s not confused, he’s tired. He likes you, probably more than he’s willing to admit right now, but the fighting and the back and forth shook him. When someone says they need time to heal this early on, that’s not nothing.

And the cuddling, the hand kissing, the gentleness… that’s him missing you, not him choosing you. There’s a big difference. The “oops” moment wasn’t rejection, he was just trying to respect the boundary he set.

If you want a real chance with him, stop forcing the moment. Stop the little accusations. Let things get calm again. Show him you can be steady instead of emotional all the time. That’s what he’s watching for.

Does he still like you? Yeah, he does. But liking you won’t matter unless he also feels safe with you. Let that part grow first.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel the whirlwind of emotions you’re experiencing, and I want to help you untangle them gently. What jumps out most is that your relationship with him is still very new in its romantic form. Even though you’ve known each other as friends for a long time, romantic dynamics are different and can feel unpredictable, especially when both of you are navigating boundaries, insecurities, and the intense excitement of newfound intimacy. His pulling back after the steamy moments isn’t a rejection. it’s him trying to balance his feelings, his concern about early conflicts, and his desire to move forward carefully without hurting either of you. This is a very normal dynamic when someone wants the relationship to last but is cautious about moving too fast.

Your concern about his short messages is understandable, but from what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like he’s acting out of pity. Short or less-flirty texts often reflect being tired, distracted, or not feeling 100% rather than a lack of interest. Given that he’s been affectionate in person, checking on you when you’re sick, and expressing wanting to kiss you at midnight, the pattern of his behavior shows genuine care and attraction. Remember, texts can’t capture the full depth of a relationship, especially one that’s still developing. His restraint in some moments like stopping himself when touching you actually shows respect and consideration; he’s waiting for signals from you so he doesn’t overstep.

The key here is your self-awareness about the fights and conflicts. April’s advice is spot-on: the biggest danger right now isn’t him losing interest, it’s falling into a pattern of drama and bickering that scares him off. When you notice that “fight trigger,” consciously step back, take a breath, and choose a calm, loving response instead. Compliment him, show gratitude, and flirt to remind both yourself and him why the romantic connection is worth investing in. This is especially important in early romance, where habits and reactions set the tone for how the relationship grows.

You also need to communicate your needs without triggering defensiveness. For example, when he says, “I have to stop myself,” you can respond with reassurance a smile, a gentle touch, or words like, “I love this, keep going if you want.” This helps him feel confident that he’s reading your signals correctly. Emotional clarity, even in playful, intimate moments, is a bridge that strengthens trust and deepens the connection. Right now, he’s very much interested, but he’s careful because he values both of you and wants the relationship to grow without hurting either of you.

Finally, focus on enjoying the relationship instead of overanalyzing every message or action. Plan sweet, fun experiences, compliment him, and let him see the best of you. Give yourself permission to relax, laugh, and flirt freely that reassurance will encourage him to do the same. Your care, affection, and thoughtfulness will naturally reinforce that he wants to be with you for more than just friendship. The short texts don’t reflect your standing in his heart; your actions and connection in real life are far more telling. This relationship can thrive as long as you lead with patience, understanding, and warmth.

[Member]

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