[asu22la]

HI April!

I’m relieved to find your forum.I cant seem to discuss this with anyone.Hopefully you can help me.
First of all , im from a very different setup than the west .I am from the East , Pakistan to be exact.

I ‘ve lead a very secluded life, till i was 16 i never interacted much with boys. My family is very strict on not talking or interacting with boys, but now that i am 21 ( which is the appropriate age to get married in my society ) suddenly my mom wants me to choose a guy for myself.
The problem is that the only option for me till now is in the family.This guy ,who’s my cousin ,
is a very nice person , helpful , caring , family oriented, sensible , hard working , and is ok looking. My family adore him .And it would be a perfect match ,except im not attracted towards him at all.
I cant see myself falling in love with him. We’re so alike in nature and temperament .I dont want a romantic hero but i like guys who have a commanding and leadership personality.And a quiet air about them.
.I am not sure i can grow to like this guy , that my mom likes,though i have tried.Sometimes i am very angry at myself for not liking him.
Another issue , aside from this is that i dont see myself meeting anyone else other than him , as i go to an all girls institution and dont have any male friends either. And the way my family works i wont be allowed to see someone else.So if i say no , i dont know if ill end up with someone worse.
The decision is left to me . Nothing needs to be finalized in for two to three years. In the meantime , how should behave towards him? And how can i approach him with an open mind? How can i get to know him better?And lastly should i go ahead with it , even if i dont feel like i love him???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Because you live in a culture where your family chooses your husband for you, and you seem very committed to your family, you should talk to your mother about your concerns. My guess is that she had her husband chosen for her by her family, too, and she may have had some of the same feelings when she was your age that you are having now. If you’re able to talk to your father or other family members, they may be able to enlighten you about this process and the man you’re being matched with.

As for this guy, the truth is you don’t know him and you owe it to yourself to get to know him. Because you’re only sixteen and admittedly have very little experience with men, you should try and understand that there is more you don’t know than what you do know. Talk to him and get to know him. Be honest with him about your feelings and trepidation. You may be surprised at his reactions.

Since there is nothing to be done for two or three years, keep the channels of communication with your parents open and give them feedback about your feelings, your burgeoning relationship with this man, and what you want for your life. They may be traditional, but I bet they’ll listen to you and talk to you about your concerns.

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