[InNeedofHelp]

Hello, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. So here goes..

I met this guy online, I actually took the initiative to show interest in him and he responded. We flirted a bit through email and I gave him my number. He immediately began to text me and send me bbm messages everyday. Sometimes we would go on for hours on end. When we went on our first date, I was surprised to find he did not look like any of his pictures and I found him unattractive. But after reflecting, I realized that this didn’t matter as much to me anymore because his personality was so awesome. Also, for our first date we both agreed to see each other in plain clothes and “at our worst”, because it would help us accept each other better. This was his idea. He seemed very nervous throughout it and was a gentleman.

It’s been a long time since I have found someone I really like. He makes me laugh and he has goals in life. We also have very similar experiences when it comes to personal things, and we are able to have deep discussions. I feel very attracted to him because I think he understands me and we could make this work. We have not done anything physical and he states that he is very shy, and this has often hurt him with women. He says that he wishes more girls were as direct as I am.

We went on our second date, and then he called me the next day and we spoke for about an hour. He had told me about how busy his week would be because of work. After that day, I texted him and we spoke briefly. Then I didn’t hear from him for 3 days and I called him. He apologized and said he had an extremely stressful workweek and that he would be more available once it was over. The next day I wanted to call him, but he said he was out with friends and couldn’t talk. He asked that I call him the next day at 11:30pm. I called him the next day at 11:30 and he didn’t pick up. Because I like him so much, I felt very upset and sent him a text saying “Hey, I called you..don’t know if you are buys or don’t want to talk, but I just wanted to tell you I really like you, but if you are not feeling it then tell me straight up”. (We had spoken before about how we are “all or nothing” people when it comes to relationships)

He then called me back the next morning but I was asleep. I was also upset with him so I didn’t want to talk. I texted him back saying “sorry, I was asleep”…but I haven’t heard from him since. Its been 2 days and its killing me because I don’t want to lose him…I think we are just having a big miscommunication and I would really love to call him and clear things up. However, I don’t know if he’s not interested or if Im overreacting. My friends said to give him time to come back to me, but I don’t want to just sit and wait because I have had bad experiences when I did that. I don’t know if I scared him off, but I really want to help fix this. Please help me.

[Anonymous]

No, you should not go after him. I think you know that — but you just have to trust yourself. You say you don’t know if you “scared him off”, but seems like that might be the case — and it seems like you suspect that might be the case! 😕 Why are you doing that? You don’t have to! Because there is nothing wrong with a few days (it’s called anticipation) in-between contact when you are first dating someone. When he said he was going to have a busy week coming up, he was either telling you the truth or letting you down easy. You don’t know him well enough yet to know. When you didn’t hear from him for three days you called him, asked to call him the next day except he said he was busy with friends 🙄 , and then you called him the following day at a time that he told you to call. He wasn’t there. So now you are pursing him, not the other way around. And you are pissed at him. You kind of set it up so you get pissed because you extended yourself so much before you really know whether he is worth it. Plus, do you really want that outcome (he tells you to call him and isn’t there when you call and you get mad)?

You aren’t giving him a chance to pursue you. Not to be harsh, but he does not seem interested in pursuing the relationship now. But more to the point, you have to stop calling and texting him so you can see if he [b]is[/b] interested. 😯 Either way, (if he does or doesn’t contact you), you’ll know if he is interested. That’s a good thing. With little or no investment in anxiety, you’ll know. No, I don’t think you should go after him. You have been doing that and it hasn’t worked so far. It’s okay to let it go — be a little detached and curious and see what happens. If you don’t hear from him, then he’s not right for you. If that happens, it’s okay. Just take this info into the next dating situation.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[b]Kathy[/b] gave you great advice.

Bottom line is, no, you shouldn’t go after him. I know you wrote that you’re afraid to lose him — but, really? You’re afraid to lose a guy who isn’t interested in you? 😯 You should be very excited to get rid of someone who isn’t interested in you! Because that will free you up to meet and date guys who DO want to spend time with you. He doesn’t.

The problem with your asking him out and going after him is that you’re being the aggressor. Guys want to be the aggressors, and if they like a woman, they will be. When you start asking him out, you don’t really know if he would have, had you not. In fact, it really seems that if you hadn’t asked him out in the first place, he’d never have asked you out and none of this would be happening.

I’m sorry if you’re hurt, but he’s really not interested. My advice is that you read Think & Date Like A Man, the book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and then you’ll have a much better idea of how to win men over! 😀

I hope this helps, and that you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[InNeedofHelp]

Thank you April and Kathy. I think I knew most of this all along, I guess it just seems so hard because I really like him. I gotta trust my mind a little more and my intuition. Thank you both so very much for the advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 😀

[Member]

Posts