[dancermel604]

In the beginning of the year, I met this guy at school (first year of college – we’re both 18) and he immediately showed interest in me. He also became my lab partner and 3 days after meeting him, he told me he liked me. I didn’t actually have feelings for him, and also since school just started, I said we should be friends. But everything was cool after that, there wasn’t any awkwardness or anything.

Then a couple weeks later, he got a girlfriend who lived in his hometown 2 hours away (it didn’t matter to me). But after a month and half, they started having problems, and they broke up – he didn’t seem upset at all about the breakup. He said that he stopped liking her a little while ago, because she was talking to other guys and they were communicating less. They’re not even Facebook friends anymore. Also during this time, I started to fall for him.After they broke up, I started talking/texting him more, and he immediately showed interest back. We were hanging out a lot, then told each other how we felt, and then I started going over to his place and we’d fool around (no sex though). He was so crazy about me, he’d always want to see me and talk to me, and he made it clear that he wanted me. He even asked me to be his girlfriend, but I suggested we take some time, just because he just got out of a relationship, and he was cool with that.

Then towards the end of the 4th week since we had started “talking”, he told me that he thinks things are going too fast between us, especially since he just got out of a relationship, and he’s not sure if he’s ready for another one just yet. He said he just needed some time off to figure out his feelings.So we took a “break” for almost 3 weeks, but during this time, I still tried to talk to him and kept in contact with him (I was the one who initiated), I just wanted to see and talk to him, and then he finally said okay.

When we talked, he realized how much he had missed me and that he still does have feelings for me and wants to be with me. He said that he was such an idiot for letting me go like that. So we basically patched things back up, but we weren’t official or anything. But we continued to do what we were doing before. He kept mentioning to me that he’s thinking about us dating and what it would be like to call me his girlfriend. We even talked about sex, and how he would be my first (I’m a virgin, he’s slept with 2 girls in the past) and he really respected me for that, and would be honored if he was my first. I also told him I was afraid that he would drop me again, but he said that he didn’t drop me, he was just sorting out his feelings, and now he knows he wants me and only me, so he’s not going anywhere. We even talked a little bit about the future (what we’d do during the next semester and the summer).

A week after he said that, he sent me an email saying that he wanted to make us work, but he doesn’t know why, but it’s just not working for him, but he still wants to be friends. I did not see this one coming at all.

It’s really hard for me, because he’s the furthest I’ve gone with a guy emotionally and physically. And I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. And also, I’m not trying to be mean, but everyone tells me I’m out of his league. I know looks don’t mean anything, but he told me I was the most attractive girl he’s ever met (A lot of people – friends/strangers tell me I should become a supermodel). And I’m a really nice person, I don’t have an ugly personality or anything, so why would he do that?

He lost his phone the week that he “dumped” me, but then he got a new one – but lost all his contacts, so he doesn’t have my number at the moment. On facebook, he posted a couple statuses about how people should text him their number if they want him to have it. A few days ago, he also posted a song which is about regrets from relationships and another song about how the singer will never get over this girl. He also made his facebook status about how this is girl (who’s name he did not mention) is always on his mind, and even though he’s trying to let her go, she will always be there and he’s always thinking about her. So I’m not sure if this girl could be or not…I don’t want to get my hopes high or anything, but at the same time, who else could this girl be…

So should I text him my number at all? Make any initiative to reach out to/contact him at all? And why do you think that he would do this and have a sudden change of mind?

I know there are plenty of other guys out there, but I really miss this one. And I know I shouldn’t go running back into his arms, even if he does open them up for me, but I still keep thinking about him, a lot. When I go to bed I’m thinking about him, when I wake up I’m thinking about him. Oh, and I haven’t talked to him in 3 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Ahahahahhaahahahaha so you go from I’m not interested in him to I really like him. Most guys who are good in the dating game have to do the opposite of what they want to do. First thing he did was date someone else while getting to know you which made him unavailable that made you start feeling some attraction for him. When you started hanging out he probably felt he was walking on thin ice since he’s well aware your out of his league looks wise so to gain power he has to become unpredictable. The best way to do that is to reject you which will only make you like him more because you hate being rejected especially by men who are lower in the looks category. He’s fairly skilled in the dating game don’t worry about what he’s doing or why eliminate him. Start dating other men and say I think it’s a great idea that we be friends theres just to many cute guys out there and I want my options open. Since you guys have class together he will take this time to try and win his power back but make it difficult for him. Let him try very hard to attract you back and give him just enough power back to keep him interested and not give up. He’s just very afraid of having a hot women in his life that he’s afraid he will mess it up you two need more bonding time so you can develop feelings where you actually care care about each other like a man would for his wife so you both can calm down and stop the games and perhaps get into a relationship. It’s about trust its going to take him a while to really trust you that you will stay with him since he knows he had to work to get you and losing your interest could be done easily. So just play your part of the game and if it’s ment to be it’ll work itself out.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The [b]Guest[/b] who posted advice gave you a great guy’s perspective on dating! What I’d like to add is that at 18 years old, and a freshman at college, he’s probably all over the place emotionally and that’s what you’re experiencing. While he seems like a genuinely nice guy, he can’t give you the commitment you want because he doesn’t really want a commitment. He’s experiment with relationships, lots of women, sex — and while he likes you, you want a relationship and he wants an adventure with a beginning, a middle and an end.

My advice is not to contact him, but instead, look for other guys who are more interested in the kind of relationship you are interested in. If he finds you again, the harder you are to get, the harder he will try to get you, but you’ll have to decide at that time if you’re willing to be part of the adventure he’s offering, or if you’re holding out for something a little more intimate.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes — and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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