[Anonymous]

I have been seeing this guy for nearly three months, we are both in our 40’s yet I still need someone to look in from the outside and pass their opinion for me !
He lives about 40 mins drive from me and has only been to my house once when he picked me up for a day out, I feel like he checked out that I was living on my own and then isnt bothered to come and stay over with me. Having said that he runs his own business near his home and is almost always at work ( from 7am and it makes sense for me to stay with him ) I think ! I always leave at this time when he goes to work.
We sometimes meet half way between our homes for supper and a film and end up going back to his, never a consideration that he comes to mine in his mind.
Neither of us have said the “L” word, I wont in case I scare him off, now I am really not sure that I could say it and mean it anyway.
When we are at his he just sits down and watches what he wants on his tv, never once has he asked me what I want to watch….he just puts on things that he has recorded….then often falls asleep and I am there, I feel wasting my time whilst he snores lol
The only time he is really affectionate is, yes you guessed it, is when we are under the duvet!
He texts me at the end of his working day but often doesnt wait for my reply and only sometimes do I get a whole sting of texts as a conversation
He rarely rings me, its all texting when he has the time ( thats how I feel anyway ! )
Sometimes it feels like he is just too busy to have time for me, but it doesnt take a second to send a text to show that you are thinking of someone does it.
I hadnt seen him for a week and text him that he would have forgottom me by the time we get to meet up, he text that I was unforgettable……I dort of took this as a sign that he was still interested…..We met up to take a drive as he had to do something for work, as soon as I got into his house he wanted to go to the bedroom, we did, went on the drive, had lunch out and came back to his. He put tv on and again just watched what he wanted and fell asleep ( early evening ) I asked if he wanted me to go early as he had a very early work start next morning, he said it would be best due to his really early start – I am now feeling like he was just using me, he got what he wanted and it feels as though there is nothing else there between us. No closeness, no having a laugh together etc and to me this is important.
This guy just doesnt seem to want to fall in love, or really be in a relationship. Having said that he is going abroad in june and october ( to car races) and talks about me coming with him ( not that I can afford it ! ) I wonder if he takes about the future in that way just to keep me around ? It seems all his other plans about what he is doing to “his” house etc all relate to him….I cant ever see him “sharing” his house ie living with someone…..humm….give it up as a bad job I guess…..and get on with my life ?
Just wanting an opinion here please, maybe I am expecting too much of him too soon….I think somehow this “relationship” is going to go nowhere?
Any ideas? As I write this I feel that I already know the answer…..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Men have sex because they can. And you’re giving him all that he wants from you (sex) — and needs from you (sex). He isn’t interested in a meaningful relationship with you and he doesn’t value you for anything other than sex. Since it sounds like you want more than this (who wouldn’t!? 😯 ), my suggestion is that you move on and find a man who cares about you as a person, not just a warm body. 🙂

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[catherine123]

That’s really how I am feeling about things April -maybe you are right that he is just using me. I havent seen him since the weekend as detailed – he has text me every evening when he finished work. Sunday he said we would go out thursday night, its thursday now. He was late at work and text me the usual how’s your day message. Luckily I hadnt got ready to go out as I hadnt heard from him earlier in the day. There was no mention in his texts about staying at work so couldnt go out etc….I didnt mention it. He did ask if I was free at the weekend and he has said that he will cook for me and make it a suprise for me.
I text him later this evening about something and as I expected he didnt reply. I does seem that he fits his time to contact me in when he is shutting up shop at work and only then. Its just not good enough in my eyes
Is he really trying to make an effort here? Or just cook and get me to stay over. I am confusing myself about him at the moment and for once in my life just dont know what to do or indeed how to tell him that I dont want to see him as I think that’s what I am going to have to do to keep my sanity and stop posting about him on here !
Any replies welcomed to bring me to my senses and get me to act on what April has already suggested!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Come on! 😯 Do you need a cold shower? A neon sign? An triple shot latte? Wake up. Any man who doesn’t treat you like a highly valued girlfriend — doesn’t think of you as a highly valued girlfriend. He’s using you — and frankly, if you continue to sleep with him under these circumstances, you have no one to blame for this dead end relationship but yourself! 😮

You really need my book, Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] because it will help you with everything you need to know — especially at age 40!! This is not the age at which you should be wasting time! 😳 One of the things I write about is that you shouldn’t sleep with a guy before you know he’s someone you want to be in a real relationship with and you sense he feels the same way. The reason is that sex changes things for women. They become emotionally attached. Men have sex as more of a physical release. You’re looking for love in your sex — and he has NO interest in giving it to you.

Stop sleeping with him and stop dating him — and READ Think & Date Like A Man! I promise you — it’s what you need. 😀

[catherine123]

Thanks April, I am not going to see him anymore. He is history! I realise he doesnt want to give me love or even friendship in this dating effort of his.
Now that I am not going to see him this weekend I am of to see a friend and her kids for a few days, a much better way to send my time !

[April Masini, your AskApril]

An even BETTER way to spend your time is to read Think & Date Like A Man! [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. I really hope you’ll buy it and read it. It’s going to help you a lot because you WILL be back out there dating, and it would be great if you had every advantage next time out! 😀

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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