[trice]

About a month ago my bf and I of two years broke up. Last week I had sex with someone else and now my ex and I have been trying to work things out I told him I slept with someone else and now he’s really pissed off and hurt. I can understand why he would be hurt and I really love him and would like to make things work with him but, I feel as if im being interrogated with his questions and I dont feel I did anything wrong we weren’t together and at the time I had no doubt that we were over. How do I help him get over this so we can move on with our relationship and I dont have to deal a daily interrogation

[Ask April Masini]

When you break up, you’re free to do whatever you want. There’s no obligation to the other person and that’s the significance of the break. When couples break up, but have conditions on the break up that keep them connected by promises not to do certain things, there’s no significance to the break up. It’s not really a break up and they don’t really get to see what it’s like without each other. Breaking up lets you live your life as if you’re single — because you are.

Based on the results of the break up, the two of you have decided to get back together, and while I wouldn’t have recommended you tell him that you were with someone else during a break up, you did — and that’s enough. The details aren’t going to serve either one of you or the relationship. So, you need to be gentle and firm with him when you tell him that you’re not going to discuss that any more because details aren’t going to change the fact that you broke up and during the break up you dated. It was a mutually agreed on decision and it came with risks. He has a responsibility in that dynamic, as do you (because he could have and may have dated during that time, too). Now is the time to man up because you both decided you missed each other too much and figured out what you want to change to make this work.

The upside of everything that happened is that he did realize he doesn’t want to lose you, and although it’s difficult for him, he’s really feeling the pain of what it would be like for you to be with someone else and not all his. If you can explain that in spite of the pain, you’ve both come to a conclusion where you want to try to reunite, he may be able to look at the big picture, and not the images he can’t get out of his head.

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[Ethan Morales]

You are completely right that while you were broken up, you were free to make your own choices. A break-up, by definition, ends the exclusivity of a relationship unless you’ve explicitly agreed otherwise. So having been with someone else during that period does not make you “wrong” you were acting within your rights as a single person.

Your ex’s reaction is understandable from an emotional standpoint. Even knowing logically that you were free, it can sting for someone to process the reality of their partner being with someone else. His questions and repeated discussions are more about his own hurt and insecurity than about any moral failing on your part. Recognizing that this is about his feelings, not your behavior, can help you approach him with empathy while maintaining your boundaries.

To move forward, it’s important to set clear limits around discussion of the past. Gently but firmly communicate that you’re not going to provide details, because they don’t change the fact that the break allowed both of you to live independently. Emphasize that you both have decided to reunite and focus on building the relationship from here. By keeping the focus on your present commitment rather than the past actions, you give him the space to heal and the relationship a chance to grow without constant interrogation.

[Sally]

You didn’t cheat. You didn’t lie. You were broken up, hurting, and trying to move forward with your life and you made a choice that was honest for where you were at the time. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But here’s the part that’s hard to swallow: even though you didn’t do anything wrong, he’s still going to feel it. His ego’s bruised. His pride’s hit. And now he’s trying to make sense of it by pulling every detail out of you like that’s going to make him feel better.

It won’t. It’ll just keep reopening the same wound.
If you two are going to make this work again, he has to accept the truth: you were single, and he doesn’t get to punish you for that. You can tell him you’re willing to talk about it once calmly, honestly but you’re not going to spend every day defending yourself for something that wasn’t betrayal.

If he can’t let it go, then the problem isn’t what happened. It’s his need to control the story.
Give him some time. Be kind, but hold your line. If he wants to be with you again, he’ll have to meet you where you are now not where he wishes the past had gone differently.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear that both of you are navigating a mix of love, hurt, and insecurity. you didn’t do anything wrong. you were single when you were with someone else, and it’s normal that your ex feels hurt now, because seeing someone he loves with someone else naturally stings. his reaction isn’t about blame; it’s about processing loss and fear. what matters now is that you both acknowledge the breakup was real, and that during that time, either of you could have explored other connections. the fact that you came back together shows that you both value the relationship and want to move forward.

to make this work, you’ll need to set boundaries and hold space for him without letting the past dominate your present. gently but firmly let him know that you won’t rehash the details. they don’t change the reality of your current choice to be together. reassure him of your commitment and care, but also remind him that he has to take responsibility for moving past the hurt. healing takes time, but with patience, transparency, and mutual respect, you can rebuild trust without being trapped in constant interrogation. the focus should be on your shared future, not the mistakes or decisions made during the breakup.

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