[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and half years now. He’s absolutely amazing. He’s loving, caring, good looking, smart, and motivated. However, we have so many differences. In the beginning it was great and wonderful, I believe it is also known as the “honeymoon period.” However, as time went on, we have argued more and more. On many issues we are like night and day. A couple examples, I like to go hang out with my friends on occasion for a “girls night,” he sees it as taking time away from us that we can spend it together. He is in school and I work during the week, so the only time we see each other is on the weekends, but I also don’t see my friends either. (I’d also like to note, I don’t plan stuff all the time, maybe once a month if that) I also feel there is a trust issue, he always asks who was there, what we did, where we went, etc. He says he is just asking about my night, I feel he is fishing for information to see if I did something he wouldn’t approve, and thinks he should just trust me. I have never given him any reason to not trust me. I am a faithful and honest person. Another example would be an argument we just had over this last weekend. Halloween is coming, he wanted to go out for halloween which I was so excited to do. Well that was 3 weeks ago he mentioned the plans, but he hasn’t made any plans – said he’s been to busy to call/stop at the hotel and reserve a room. (we get a hotel room to avoid driving after drinking) So we get into an argument because its been 3 weeks and we still have no plans. I’m irritated because we will get screwed on a hotel room if we keep waiting. He said he’s been so busy with school that he hasn’t thought about the hotel, which at the same time I have mentioned the hotel issue like 3 times in 3 weeks and he wouldn’t even discuss it. He’d say well we’ll look at it later, or I’ll call later. So I said well if you don’t want to go I’ll find a friend to go. Well he gets mad because I will just go out anyways without him. He thinks that we should spend the time together, and I feel it’s selfish and unfair that I should have to stay home because he doesn’t want to do something. I should still be able to go myself. We also do not have sex like we used to. In the beginning, we were having sex all the time. Now, I have no urge to have sex. He still wants it just as much, I just don’t feel the urge. I think about how tired I am, if I have to get up early the next day, what I should be doing otherwise instead of sex. We argue about this too. He wants to know what is wrong, and I have no reason, I just don’t feel like it. I’m never in the mood. Which leads me to my next issue — I don’t know if he is the one. We have so many differences. Literally, I am the man in the relationship. Everything that is stereotypical about a man in a relationship fits me more than it fits him. I do care for him and feel that I love him, however, I don’t know still after 2 and half years, if he’s the one for me. Some days I wonder why I am still with him, although I can’t bring myself to end it – I just don’t have that feeling knowing I’m ready and want to end it – Other days I think everything is great and I love being with him.If anyone have any questions or need details, I would be happy to answer them. But I’m so confused and any advice is appreciated!

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t think you’re all that confused. In fact, I think you know what your problems are, you just need to do what it takes to address them.

From the bottom of your post up, the most important problem you have is that you recognize that you’ve become “the man” or the aggressor and caretaker in the relationship. This isn’t good. As a strong woman, you want a stronger man. The fix is easy. Quit being the man. Just quit it!

If he says he’s going to make Halloween plans, trust him. Quit checking up on him and finding fault with the way he’s doing things. If the plans fall through, then they fall through. No one’s gotten cancer as a result. And if he can’t seem to make plans or make and keep dates with you, well, then, you’ve figured something out about him.

If he doesn’t like your going out with the girls, and he wants to complain about it, don’t feel [i]you[/i] have to fix his problem. If he wants you, he’s going to have to woo you and convince you to go out with him. You’re supposed to be the prize in the relationship, as the woman, that the man wants to chase. It sounds like he wants you — but you don’t give him anything to chase. You throw yourself at him, and worse, you do it while complaining! Quit it. If you’re not available for a date, you’re not available for a date. His problem!

Do you understand the changes you need to make? I’m sure you’ll more easily see them than be able to make them, but I know how smart you are from your post, and I trust you can do it.

As for sex, it’s understandable that when you’re tired, you’re not interested, but I think that if you felt more respectful of your boyfriend, you would put his needs ahead of your being tired and find a way to make sex a priority.

But, I’m pretty sure that your underlying discontent is because you’re acting like the guy in the relationship and you’re resentful. When the underlying problem doesn’t get addressed, things like sex and Halloween dates become the subjects of conflict. Get to the root of the problem.

If you want more reading and guidance on what I’m talking about in this post, check out my book called Think & Date Like A Man. You can purchase it online for $15.95, and automatically download it and start reading. A chapter a day will do you a world of good. Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]

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