[Bbri1996]

I have been with my bf for 6 years. We have been broken up since a couple of months ago. Since we’ve been broken up when I left him alone he contacted me again every day and it was like we never broke up. I would try to figure out when his class got out so on my way to class I could bump into him just so I could speak to him. I followed him while he was with another girl. I left him alone after that, I knew what I did was wrong. Leaving him alone I was doing good with the space for myself. Then I started doing pop ups at his apartment which he hates anyone doing that. I did this 3 times last year. Then I messed up on a trip I desperately missed him so I knocked on his door for 30 min. He didnt want to talk to me we couldn’t be friends everything. I left him alone after that and during Christmas break I dealt with myself. I didnt try to contact him didnt try to see him nothing. We were warming back up to each other and a few days ago I wanted to tell him something I felt was important. I popped up at his place he was so angry with me to where he kicked me out. The same night he blocked me from everything so now I can’t contact him at all. When we talked the next day he said that was the last straw for him. He wanted to be with me and get back together with me and everything but my actions were to much. I asked him what could I do to get him to forgive me for all of the damage done, and he said he didnt know. I would have to figure it out. It’s a lot of damage and words aren’t going to fix what has happened. If I want something to come back for him I have to show it through my actions, because he isn’t going to accept my words. It would have to be something big to have him say wow she changed. When I got off the shuttle the day after this happened I didn’t realize he got on the shuttle. When I looked back he was staring at me going inside of the building. I don’t know what to do and I am scared I’ve lost him for good. This was 6 years and I don’t want to lose him.

[Ask April Masini]

Since the two of you are broken up, you have to understand that this might very well be over for good. I don’t know why you broke up, but I’m sure that the two of you had your reasons and that they were good ones. If you do write to me here again, let me know why you broke up. Because if you do want to get back together again, the reasons for the break up are very important for any make up.

That said, it sounds like on top of the reasons for the break up, your ex is now upset about your showing up at his home without notice, knocking for 30 minutes, following him and another woman — he’s feeling stalked. This has complicated things, and now he’s saying that this is the reason he doesn’t want to deal with you any more. I think he’ll calm down about this in time, but only if he can see that you are not going to repeat this behavior. I know how hard this is going to be for you, because you’re panicked about losing him for good — but you have to stop following him and showing up places where you know he’ll be. Completely. If you can do that, and he sees six to twelve months go by without your showing up as a surprise, then — and only then — will he realize you’re over that part of your reaction to the breakup. When that happens, you should joke about it, and apologize. But for now, you’ve got to cure the more recent problem — the stalking. Then, give things some time, and let him come to you after that. There’s a chance that once your stalking behavior ends, he’ll actually miss the old you he used to love, and want to see you — but only if you give him the opportunity to do so. I hope that helps.

[Bbri1996]

We broke up at first because of misunderstanding he thought I was trying to be rude to one of his friends that is a girl but that wasn’t the case. We were fine in the break up after that. Until all of the stuff happened I sent to you prior. I talked to him today and he was pretty much like he doesn’t want anything to do with me as of right now. I told him everything that I was going through and that my counselor helped me get through what I’ve been going through. I told him that he can’t just punish me for not being myself. I told him again that I would prove it but he said I can’t because it’s too much damage. I want to fix the damage and he said that time would tell. Since I pushed him so far away. I want to fix everything I’ve broken because I really wasn’t myself and I’m not happy at my choices yes I knew I was doing them but I physically didnt want to do them mentally I wanted to. I told him that out of the 6 years we’ve been together he should know me. I havent changed at all while we’ve been in college until I completely lost myself these last couple of months doing things I wouldn’t normal do. I just want to fix everything and have a mature relationship with him. How do you fix so many mistakes and damage.

[Ask April Masini]

A six year relationship is a big deal, and this break up has got to be very painful for you. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It must seem like you realize what you did, and how you would like to do things differently now, and you really want him to give you a chance to prove to him that things are different, and that the causes of the breakup were just a glitch, and not your best self. But he’s in a different place than you are, and he’s not wanting to give you that opportunity right now, because he’s testing the waters outside of the relationship and after six years of being in a relationship, he’s feeling his freedom and wanting to just have his own space. That must make you frustrated and scared because it probably seems like you’ll never get him back. You’ve got to work through these feelings and understand that this is a process. And you don’t have control over him or his feelings. Allow yourself to feel frustrated and scared, but also try to look at the big picture. He may or may not decide, after some time, that he’s ready to give things with you another chance. If he does, great. If he doesn’t, you had a wonderful relationship. You made some mistakes. And you’re going to learn from them. It’s also not just your fault — another man, or maybe this man in a few years with some more maturity, may not have felt your mistakes were such a big deal. Another man might forgive what you did or understand that it was just a blip. The bottom line is that he’s doing him, and you have to do you. You can’t change him. You can learn from the relationship and be kind to yourself. But for now, you can’t force him back. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.

[Jessica143]

Sweetness of marriage is having your spouse be the same man you married ,while courtship and after marriage.we have been married for 7, but it got more interesting when he comes back home very late than usual.i decided to speak with him in order to know what has been wrong with him or where i have gone wrong.several persuasion proved abortive, this had me down at work and home.From that point i knew something was wrong,all attempt to know who he was seeing outside wasn’t successful, this got me sick and i decided to go for a divorce but my attorney needed some sought of evidence, so my friend suggested this dude to help me hack my husbands phone. I discovered William has been cheating on me for years ! To top that he has 3 children I don’t know of.

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’re standing in the wreckage of something that used to feel like your whole world, still hoping maybe if you just love hard enough, it’ll come back to life. But love doesn’t work like CPR. Sometimes it needs silence more than saving.

You didn’t lose him overnight you lost him piece by piece, every time fear made you act out of panic instead of peace. And he didn’t walk away to punish you; he walked away to breathe. That’s the hardest part to accept.

If there’s any way back to him, it won’t be through showing up at his door. It’ll be through showing up for yourself healing, grounding, becoming someone who doesn’t chase love but attracts it. The version of you who learns to stay still might be the one he recognizes again.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you gotta breathe. i know you’re drowning in missing him, but right now, he needs distance to even remember the good parts of you. me thinks that if you want him to see change, you have to stop showing up and start showing growth. girls don’t act like stalker going in his apartment or tryin to bump into him! ughh that’s not pretty and sexy at all💔✨

[Ethan Morales]

You can feel the heartbreak and desperation in this story. Six years is a long time to love someone, and when a relationship ends after that much time, it can trigger panic the sense that you can’t lose them, that you have to do something. But what April Masini points out (and I agree with completely) is that those panic-driven actions showing up uninvited, knocking for long stretches, following him end up pushing him even further away because they make him feel trapped instead of missed.

Here’s the deeper truth: your heart is reacting to loss, not logic. When we lose a person we love, we often start doing things to feel close again but those things don’t rebuild connection, they erode trust. He said your actions were “too much,” and that’s probably true for him right now. But that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love it means he needs proof that you can respect his boundaries.

April’s advice about showing him not telling him through your actions is spot on. The only “big gesture” that will reach him now is stillness: no pop-ups, no chasing, no messages through others. If he ever reopens that door, it’ll be because he feels safe again.

If you can go several months ideally six or more without breaking that silence, he might begin to think of you differently: “She really did change.” But even if he doesn’t, this time apart will help you regain your sense of balance and emotional control which will make you stronger and more confident in any future relationship, whether with him or someone new.

Don’t try to “get him back” right now. Try to get yourself back. The version of you that loved deeply and freely before the panic she’s still in there. She just needs peace and space to return.

[Tara]

You didn’t “jeopardize” anything you destroyed the relationship with obsessive behavior, and you need to finally accept that. Popping up at his apartment, following him, knocking on his door for half an hour, forcing contact he clearly didn’t want, and ignoring every boundary he set isn’t love, it’s loss of control, and he blocked you because he stopped feeling safe around you, not because he stopped caring. He told you he wanted to get back together, and you still couldn’t stop crossing lines, which is why he’s done. There is no “big gesture” that will fix this because anything you do now will look like another violation.

The only way to show change is to actually give him what you’ve never given him: space, distance, and boundaries you don’t break. That means no popping up, no trying to “accidentally” see him, no messages through friends, no checking his schedule, nothing. Go zero contact for real and work on your emotional control, because until you fix that, he won’t trust you and shouldn’t. If you break that even once, it’s over permanently. You didn’t lose him because you weren’t enough you lost him because you didn’t respect his space. If you want even the slightest chance in the future, fix yourself, not him.

[Sally]

You didn’t lose him because you weren’t enough.
You lost him because you didn’t give him space when he asked for it. And I’m not saying that to shame you I’ve been there. When you love someone that long, you panic. You start showing up everywhere hoping it’ll fix the distance. But all it does is push them farther.

Right now, he’s not asking for a grand gesture. He’s asking for quiet. For a break. For proof that you can respect his boundaries without slipping.

The only thing that has even a chance of working is giving him real, solid space. No messages. No pop-ups. No “just one more” conversation. Let him feel what life is like without the pressure.

If he still wants you, he’ll come back on his own.
If he doesn’t… then as painful as it is, you’ll survive this too. And you’ll grow from it.

[Natalie Noah]

six years of connection, love, memories, and then all of this confusion and pain it’s overwhelming. I can feel the desperation in wanting to fix everything and the fear of losing him forever. I want you to know that it’s human to make mistakes, especially when emotions are raw. You weren’t always in control of your impulses, and that doesn’t mean your love was any less real. What matters is recognizing the patterns that hurt both of you and learning to step back. That awareness is your first step toward true change.

I think April Masini is right. your actions crossed boundaries that he felt unsafe with. Showing up unannounced, knocking for long periods, following him… those behaviors, even if motivated by love and desperation, can feel frightening and suffocating. From his perspective, it’s not about punishing you; it’s about protecting his own space and peace of mind. It’s painful, but it’s important to respect that boundary completely. Healing the relationship. if it ever happens requires time, patience, and a consistent demonstration that those behaviors will never happen again.

I want you to focus on yourself during this period. Six years is a lifetime when it comes to emotional growth. You’ve been through a whirlwind of feelings recently, and you need space to process who you are without chasing him. That doesn’t mean giving up on love or your relationship; it means valuing yourself enough to stabilize your emotions, reflect on your choices, and understand what triggers those intense reactions. The best way to show someone you’ve changed is to live it quietly, consistently, and with integrity.

It’s okay to grieve what you lost, even if the door might open again later. Part of the pain comes from seeing someone who used to be your world now stepping away. That hurt is real, and you shouldn’t silence it. Feel it, journal it, talk to someone you trust, and let it transform into clarity rather than desperation. Trying to force reconciliation right now will only push him further away; letting him see that you respect his space can make a far bigger impact than anything words could do.

Remember that this isn’t all your fault, and it doesn’t define your capacity to love or be loved. Relationships are messy, especially ones built over years and deep emotional intimacy. If he eventually comes back, it will be because he chooses to, not because you demand it. And if he doesn’t, the love you shared and the lessons you learned will shape you into a stronger, wiser, and more grounded version of yourself. Right now, your job is to breathe, respect his space, and show through steady actions not words that you’re capable of growth.You can do this. You are learning. And no matter what happens with him, you’ll emerge stronger and more in tune with yourself.

[Lune David]

Reading this hit hard. Six years with someone and then losing them right before Christmas? That kind of pain doesn’t just sit in your chest — it lives there. And honestly, I’ve had those moments around New Year’s Eve where you start replaying everything, thinking maybe if you try one more time, show up one more time, things will go back to how they were. I get where that panic comes from.

But if I’m being real with you — you crossed his boundaries a lot. And yeah, it came from fear, not bad intentions. But fear can make us do things that feel like “love” to us but feel like pressure to the other person. That’s exactly what April always says in these cases, and I kinda want to AskApril myself half the time during the holidays because this stuff gets heavy.

If there’s ANY chance of him opening the door again, it won’t be because you showed up. It’ll be because you stopped showing up.

Right now the only “big gesture” he’ll believe is silence:
No popping up.
No knocking for 30 minutes.
No “accidental” run-ins.
No chasing.

Just space — real space — and you working on yourself so he can see the difference from far away.

And trust me, before New Year’s Eve hits, you’re gonna feel the urge to reach out again. Don’t. Let him breathe. Let yourself breathe too. If he ever comes back, it’ll be because he feels safe again… not because he felt pressured.

You didn’t lose him because you weren’t enough — you lost him because you were scared. And that’s human. But now the healing has to be quiet.

AskApril would tell you the same thing:
Your actions are the only apology he’ll accept at this point — not your words.

Stay still. Let time work. And whatever happens, you’ll come out stronger.

[Serena Vale]

You didn’t lose him because you’re not enough. You lost him because things got messy and overwhelming, and he didn’t know how to handle it. When someone feels scared or pushed, even by accident, they pull away to protect themselves. It’s human.

He’s not rejecting you. He’s rejecting the chaos that happened around you.

Right now the only thing that can help is space, real space. No showing up, no “just checking in,” no trying to fix it quickly. That only makes his walls go higher.

What will actually make a difference is you taking this time to get yourself back to a calmer, steady place. That’s the version of you he fell for. And you can get back there, you really can.

And honestly? Six years doesn’t vanish overnight. He’s angry and hurt, but that doesn’t mean the whole story is over forever. It just means you need to slow down, breathe, and show change through consistent actions, not words.

Let him breathe.
Focus on healing.
Let time soften things.

If it’s meant to reconnect later, it will, but right now, take care of you. I’m here if you need help with what to do next.

[Author]

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