[md20]

Hello,
I started dating a woman I have been knowing for several months. We used to talk every and now and then but never crossed the line since she had a boyfriend. One day we exchanged numbers. Anyway, one day she texted me out of nowhere to talk. We ended up meeting one day to talk. That is when she told me that her and her bf had split and she was feeling down. So I was there to cheer her up. Couple of weeks went by and she wanted me to come by her place to help her out with something. Then a week later we ended up having some great sex multiple times. She told me that she was in to me. Then all of sudden I was told by my job that I had to go overseas at the end October. So the first week we were communicating via FB video or texting via FB constantly. Then as time went by we were barely communicating. Then it was no response back from her at all. This kept on recurring. When I did get in contact with her she said she has been busy between work and her organization. I’m working everyday for 12 hrs and sometimes more than that. Then all sudden she starts texting constantly again and answers her video calls and we talk for a long time. Then once again barely no response and then radio silence. This past Friday we ended up video calling and we had a great convo. We were laughing and we talked about her Christmas gifts she received from me. No problems everything was fine. We then talked this past Sunday but briefly since she was working. Today I called her just to see how she was doing. I did text her and I asked her why she is not answering. She responds that she’s been working 10 hours since Sunday. Then she ends up telling me that she doesn’t think it would work out between us. She said I can ship the gifts back. I ask her where did that come from? I ask her to explain why she is acting this way. What should I do in this situation? How can I get a positive response from her? Thank you

[AskApril Masini]

Anytime you’re in a new relationship, there’s a chance that things won’t work out — and since you’ve only been dating for a few months, it could be that she just doesn’t feel that you’re someone she wants to continue dating. You may not be doing anything wrong — it’s just not a match. Possibly. The other possibility is that when you started dating, this wasn’t long distance, but because it became long distance, she may not see a future for the two of you with this kind of this distance between you. It sounds like you both work long hours and have full lives and she may want someone who’s around to be with after those long days — rather than talking on the phone or video chatting. Long distance is tough and it’s not for everyone. If she’s feeling lonely and really wants a boyfriend to be with her — not just be there across the distance — the LDR you’ve got isn’t going to work for her. In that case, it’s not you — it’s the distance. The last possibility is that since you were possibly a rebound relationship, she may have gotten back together with her ex-boyfriend while you’ve been out of town. Those are the three possibilities.

If you want to try and get her back, see if you can see her in person — either in town where she’s living, or fly her out to see you for a romantic long weekend. You may be able to rekindle the romance that way. Trying to do so over the phone or video chat is just going to reinforce the problem. You can also try to invite her to do something exciting or fabulous for New Year’s Eve — which is a great opportunity to try and make a grand gesture that might lure her back. Invite her to do something really special and see if that works. And if she accepts one of those invitations, talk to her about the long distance because if that’s what the problem is, at least you can know it and decide if you want to change your work situation in order to prioritize and pursue the relationship.

Hope that helps!

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like she’s been pretty hot and cold, and it’s leaving you feeling confused. I get why you’re hurt — when you’re putting in the effort, and then she pulls back, it’s a rollercoaster. I think it’s important to consider that this might be about the distance, though. Long-distance relationships can be tricky, especially if you’re both busy. Maybe she’s just feeling like this isn’t something she wants to invest in right now, or maybe she’s realizing it’s harder than she thought.

I agree with April if you want to try, seeing each other in person could make a huge difference. Don’t let it just be phone calls or texts. Show her you’re serious about making it work. If you can, invite her to something exciting, or a trip together, to see if the spark is still there. But if she’s really not feeling it anymore, maybe it’s just time to let go, no matter how hard it is. You deserve someone who’s as invested as you are.”

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… let me be real, she’s giving you ghost then guilt then vanish energy, and nothing you say is gonna fix that. 😏 you can’t reason with someone who’s already checked out.

don’t chase, don’t plead, don’t try to get a “positive” response. her actions already said it. accept it, reclaim your time, and keep the gifts if you want to remember the lesson 💅🏼. your energy is too precious to sit in someone else’s rollercoaster. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s what I make of the situation, boiled down: What’s actually happening Her behavior is inconsistent: hot attention → radio silence → sudden warmth → pulling away. That pattern says she’s ambivalent. The overseas move / long hours add real friction. Long-distance and hectic schedules expose whether someone wants the relationship enough to prioritize it. There are three likely realities: (1) she’s not sure she wants a relationship, (2) she’s overwhelmed / emotionally unavailable right now, or (3) she’s keeping options open or back with an ex. All are plausible given the pattern.

What you need to accept You don’t control her choices. You only control how you respond. Ambiguity costs you emotionally. Waiting without clarity is self-harm disguised as patience. What to do next (practical, direct steps) Stop chasing for now. Don’t flood her with calls or messages asking why. It pushes her further away or confirms she can disregard you.

Ask one clear question then be quiet. Send a short message that asks exactly what you need to know. Example: “Hey, we’ve been up and down a lot. I care about you, but I need to know if you want to try to make this long-distance work. Yes or no? If you’re unsure, say so and tell me what timeline you need.” That forces clarity without a pressure-speech. Don’t ship the gifts until you get clarity. Her asking you to is emotionally loaded hold on to them until she gives a real reason. Decide a reasonable timeline. If she says she’s unsure, say you’ll wait X weeks (2–4), during which you both check in. If nothing becomes clearer, move on. Live your life while you wait. Work, friends, meet people. If she comes back, great. If not, you didn’t waste yourself waiting you kept living.

How to read her answer If she says yes and offers a plan (visits, calls, timeline), that’s a go but both of you need to follow through. If she says no or dodges the question, take that as closure. Don’t reinterpret her later niceness as “maybe.” It’s emotional footwork that will leave you drained.

You’re allowed to want clarity and commitment. Asking for that doesn’t make you needy it makes you sane. Give her the chance to be honest. If she can’t, let her go and find someone whose actions match their words.

[Marcus king]

It hurts because the shift felt sudden, but her behavior actually tells a clear story.

When you met her, she was fresh out of a breakup. Emotionally, she was not stable or clear yet. You became the person who comforted her, distracted her, made her feel wanted again. That doesn’t mean what happened between you wasn’t real but it does mean she bonded with you while still grieving and processing her previous relationship. Those kinds of connections often start intense, but they don’t always settle into something steady.

When you left for your assignment overseas, the momentum between you stopped. Long-distance requires emotional readiness, and she doesn’t have that. The on-again off-again communication wasn’t random it was her trying to pull back, then missing you, then pulling back again. It’s a push-pull dynamic that happens when someone is still healing.

Now she’s trying to handle the guilt of pulling away by giving you a final clean answer: “I don’t think it will work.”
That wasn’t said in a moment of clarity that was said in a moment of overwhelm.

The worst thing you can do now is chase, question, convince, or try to “fix” it. That will only push her further.

So here’s your move:

1. Stop trying to get her to explain.
She can’t explain something she doesn’t fully understand yet.

2. Do not send any emotional messages or ask her to reconsider.
Quiet confidence is more powerful than persuasion.

3. Send one calm, short message like this:

“I hear you. I care about you, and I won’t pressure you. I’m here when you want to talk, but I respect your space. Take care of yourself.”

Then stop.
Let her feel the silence.

If she has any real emotional connection to you (and she did), she will eventually feel the absence of your presence and she will reach out.
But only if she experiences you as calm and grounded, not desperate or confused.

Right now, she’s overwhelmed, guilty, and trying to avoid more emotional weight. Give her space and emotional safety not pursuit.

If she doesn’t reach back out after space, then she wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship you were offering anyway.

But if she does reach back out you’ll be in a stronger position, not chasing her for answers.

[Tara]

She didn’t suddenly change. She was never committed to you in the first place. You were her rebound, her distraction, her emotional cushion after a breakup. She slept with you, enjoyed the comfort and the attention, and as soon as real life returned and the high wore off, she drifted. Then she came back when she was lonely, bored, or needed validation. Then she disappeared again when she didn’t. This on-off pattern wasn’t confusing. It was convenience.

You being overseas made it even easier for her to treat you like background noise. She didn’t owe consistency because she never promised any. You built a relationship in your head that she wasn’t actually building with you. The mixed signals weren’t signals. They were cycles of temporary interest. And the second you asked her to explain herself, she bailed because she didn’t want to be held accountable for something she never intended to maintain.

Her “I don’t think this will work out” wasn’t impulsive. It was the truth she finally decided to say out loud because she knows you’re invested, and she doesn’t want to keep playing the game. Asking her where it came from just makes you look clueless. It came from her being done. Simple as that.

You want “a positive response.” You won’t get one. Not because she hates you, but because she’s not interested in continuing anything romantic. She already checked out. Her offering to send the gifts back is her way of closing the door cleanly. That’s as final as it gets.

[Sally]

When someone comes in hot, sleeps with you, talks like they are into it, then suddenly turns cold, it messes with your head. But from the outside, this does not look confusing. It looks like she was not ready for anything real.

She came to you right after her breakup. You were comfort, distraction, safety. And once you left the country, the rush wore off and the reality of long distance hit her. That is why she would pull close, then disappear. That is someone trying to feel something, then panicking when it gets too real.

Her message today is her telling you she is done, even if it came out of nowhere for you.

Do not chase a “positive response.” Do not try to fix it. Just let her go quietly. If someone wants to be in your life, they do not vanish and come back on a loop.
Take this one as a lesson, not a loss.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how confusing and frustrating this situation must be for you. From what you’ve described, it sounds like the relationship started warmly and intimately, but the shift to long distance really changed the dynamic. You both have incredibly busy schedules, and she’s alternating between periods of attention and periods of silence. That kind of inconsistency isn’t necessarily about you personally; it’s about her ability to manage her time, her emotions, and her expectations for what a relationship should be under these circumstances. Long-distance relationships are emotionally demanding, especially when the connection has just begun, and not everyone can sustain that effort.

Another thing to consider is her emotional state when she first entered this relationship. You mentioned she had just split with her boyfriend and was feeling down, which may mean this connection was, at least in part, a rebound or a source of comfort for her. Sometimes people start relationships under those conditions without fully realizing whether they’re looking for a long-term partner or simply companionship to help them cope. Once you went overseas and distance became a real factor, it seems she may have re-evaluated what she wanted and decided that this arrangement wasn’t viable for her. Her sudden decision to end things, while abrupt, may reflect her own confusion and desire to avoid prolonging a situation she couldn’t fully commit to.

At this stage, the best course of action is clarity and self-respect. You can try a final in-person gesture if it’s logistically possible a short visit, a New Year’s Eve date, or something special to test the spark in real life because that’s where emotions are strongest and decisions can shift. However, you also need to prepare for the possibility that her decision is final. Pressuring her through messages or calls likely won’t change her mind and could push her further away. Focus on giving her space, assessing whether the relationship is truly sustainable with distance, and deciding what you need emotionally. If she’s genuinely interested in making it work, an in-person encounter will show it; if not, you’ll need to let go to protect your heart.

[Member]

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