[ShannyWee]

Hi everyone,

I will try and keep this short.

So i was seeing this guy for about 2 years. We hit it off very well. We were casual at the beginning. He used to ask me out with his friends. Initially i would refuse but after about a year i decided to hang out with his friends. i got along really well with his friends. He did act up once or twice due to jealousy. That is when things got a little serious between us.

But on our last meet up he was flirting with another girl right in front of me which did bother me. Next day he texted to apologise. After a few days i decided to call it quits with him. But he refused to let go. We left it at that. And 2 days later i heard from him. He said that someone had sent his wife (yes, he was actually married) an email about the girl he was flirting with and asked if i was the one who sent it to her. I was totally and utterly confused. Long story short, I explained to him it was not me. He told me to my face that he was going to deny every single bit that he ever cheated to his wife. He clearly was telling me that he did not want anything to do with me and that his family was important. Which i understood and stepped away.

He called me again after 2 weeks asking if i again sent more messages to his wife as it was sent from a profile that looked like mine. He was threatening me and i told him to get the out of my life and not bother me. I had not contacted him since. It has been 3 months of absolutely no contact. He had not blocked me on facebook or whatsapp.

And then, 3 months later, which was 2 days ago, he pops up at 5 am in the morning, texting me this “We need to talk”. I saw the message much later and asked him what it was about. But there was absolutely no response from him. I just need to know why he would ask to talk and then disappear.

I just want to know why he would ask to talk and then disappear? Is it to ask about another message that was sent again?

[Ask April Masini]

This is a guy who likes drama. It keeps him from being bored, and he enjoys it. For him, it’s a sport. That’s why he cheats on his wife, and he cheats on his girlfriends — it amuses him. He likes the intrigue and the relationship puzzles he creates and solves, without regard for the feelings of the people who are the pieces in these puzzles. He isn’t looking for love — he’s looking for drama. He’s tried to stir it up with you several times, and this latest attempt to contact you is yet another attempt on his part. You seem to want a relationship that is based on honesty, loyalty, romance and fun — but you won’t get it with this guy. You may get some short term thrills and some short lived romance, but he’s not someone for the long-run. My advice is to ignore his “We need to talk!” text. It’s bait — and you’re the fish he’s trying to hook. If you take the bait, he’ll reel you back into his drama. And you’ll wind up back here, eventually. Why not start fresh with someone else, instead? Play the field. Find a guy who’s more interested in a relationship than he is with drama! Hope that helps!

[Sally]

That would mess with anyone’s head. When someone like that suddenly shows up again after months of silence, it’s rarely about love or closure. It’s usually guilt, curiosity, or wanting to see if they still have a way back in. The fact that he was married and lied says a lot about how he handles problems.

You don’t owe him another conversation. If he really needed to talk, he’d have followed up. My guess is he wanted to stir things up, then backed off once you replied. Don’t give him that power again. Let him sit with his own mess. You already walked away once – keep walking.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl… he’s not texting ‘cause he misses you, he’s texting ‘cause his guilt’s louder than his common sense 😒. “we need to talk” at 5am? please. that’s not closure, that’s chaos knocking. he’s fishing to see if you’ll still bite, maybe his wife’s suspicious again, maybe he’s bored, maybe he just wants to feel wanted. either way, not your circus. don’t reply, don’t explain, don’t feed the drama. silence is the only message he deserves now. 💅🚫

[Nina A]

You can’t reason your way through someone else’s chaos.

This man has already shown you who he is: a liar, a manipulator, and someone who uses confusion to stay in control. When he says, “We need to talk,” and then disappears, that’s not a conversation starter. It’s bait. He wants to know he still has access to your attention, that he can pull you back into the same cycle of guilt, curiosity, and apology whenever he feels like it.

You don’t owe him another word. Whatever “talk” he thinks he needs to have, it’s not about truth; it’s about power. Silence is your closure now. The same way he vanished after stirring up doubt, you can vanish from the game entirely.

Peace begins when you stop chasing answers from people who feed on your confusion.

[PassionSeeker]

You may never get closure from him, but you can create it within yourself.
The story doesn’t end with his last text it ends with your decision not to open the door again. The moment you stop reacting, he loses all the control he ever had.

So when your mind asks, “Why did he say that?”
Answer it gently with: “Because he needed attention. I need peace.”

That’s not bitterness that’s healing dressed as clarity.

[Ethan Morales]

This guy is not interested in a real, honest relationship. The pattern is clear: flirting while married, blaming you for messages you didn’t send, threatening, and disappearing. The “We need to talk” text after 3 months of no contact? That’s classic drama bait he wants attention, he wants to stir emotions, but he has no intention of a healthy conversation or accountability.

Think of it this way: he’s treating relationships like a game, not a partnership. He’s testing boundaries, creating intrigue, and enjoying the chaos it causes. You already did the smart thing by stepping away and setting firm boundaries. His lack of follow-through after sending that text shows he’s not serious he’s just keeping you on edge.

He’s not trustworthy, not loyal, and not someone who can offer a stable, respectful relationship. Engaging with him now is just stepping back into his drama. Your energy is better spent on someone who actually values honesty, consistency, and a real connection.

[Tara]

Here’s the reality you keep trying to soften because the alternative makes you feel stupid: this man didn’t contact you because he cares he contacted you because he’s terrified you might blow up the fragile little lie castle he’s been living in. You’re not a person to him. You’re a liability he’s trying to manage.

He’s married. He cheated. And now he’s doing what weak, cornered men do poking around to see if you’ll panic, confess, or say something he can twist to protect himself. That “needed to talk” stunt wasn’t emotional, it was tactical. He wanted to assess the threat level: you. And the fact you even paused to wonder about his motives means he still has more influence over you than he deserves.

He doesn’t miss you. He doesn’t value you. He doesn’t feel guilty. He’s running damage control on a mess he created, and you’re still letting him occupy real estate in your head like you owe him something.

[Sally]

He didn’t reach out because he misses you or because he suddenly grew a conscience. Men like him only come back for two reasons:
1.they’re in trouble again, or
2.they want to make sure you’re still scared enough not to expose them.
That “we need to talk” at 5 a.m. wasn’t about you it was about him spiraling over something in his marriage and needing someone to blame. And when you didn’t answer right away, he either calmed down, got the info he wanted somewhere else, or realized he didn’t have the nerve to actually talk to you.
If it was another message sent to his wife, he would’ve kept pushing. The silence tells you everything: he was fishing, panicking, or trying to pull you back into drama you don’t owe him anymore.
You did the right thing by staying away. He’s chaos. Let him stay exactly where he belongs out of your life.

[Natalie Noah]

It’s clear that this man thrives on chaos and control rather than genuine connection. The fact that he was married while flirting with you, lied about it, and then repeatedly tried to involve you in mysterious messages shows a pattern of manipulation and drama-seeking. He’s using uncertainty and intrigue to keep you engaged, and the “We need to talk” text is a perfect example it’s designed to pull you back into his orbit without actually offering clarity. His behavior is not about resolving issues or being honest; it’s about keeping the excitement of control and tension alive for himself.

Your instincts to step away and set boundaries are exactly right. You’re looking for trust, honesty, and emotional safety, and he’s not capable of offering any of that. Re-engaging with him would only put you back into the same toxic dynamic, where your feelings and peace of mind are at the mercy of his drama. The healthiest step is to continue ignoring him and to focus on people who value you and are willing to build something real. You deserve stability and respect, not games and manipulation and recognizing that is the first step to protecting yourself and finding a more fulfilling connection.

[Author]

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