[xenomorpheus]

I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life and i can’t forgive myself.

I’ve been seeing this girl and she’s great and showed me so much care and support. I’m 26 but it’s the first time i’ve ever fallen in love. Recently her grandfather and dog died. She’s overseas and far from home. I did my best to offer my support and help but because of my mental illness i ended up screwing up everything. I’m bipolar and too much mania or stress makes me go a little psychotic. A person close to me died some years ago and whenever i get too worried about someone i slightly lose contact with reality. I’m starting to imagine people close to me dying, being hurt or hurting themselves. I was worried about her whole day and night and eventually i got to the point where my rational mind took a break from being present and all i could feel was this was this overwhelming panic. I ended up contacting her mother (which i never met) and telling her that i am worried about her daughter and that she needs her.

I ended up causing her mum so much anguish. Without mentioning that her family is grieving right now. She regrets ever talking to me. I never meant to hurt her and i would never do it intentionally. Is it something that she can possibly forgive me or am i doomed? I really care about her and i will never forgive myself for what i’ve done. This is the worst thing i have ever done in my life, and i happened to do this to the person i care about the most.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Before you can be in a relationship, you have to take care of yourself. If you don’t, the work you have [i]not[/i] done on yourself, is going to show up in any relationship you get into. That’s what happened here. You let your own feelings lead your behavior, and you acted in ways that were socially inappropriate. For instance, you crossed a boundary by calling the mother of this woman — when you’ve never even met her, and you have only been dating her daughter for a month. For anyone peering into this relationship, what you did was throw up a red relationship flag that shows that you’ve got boundary issues. It sounds like, in addition, this woman’s losses triggered feelings in you that created an emotional spiral that you were not well able to control. Bottom line: You have some work to do on yourself. If you want to be in a relationship with someone else, you have to take care of you, first.

I don’t think this relationship is something you should focus on right now. You’re not ready. And if you try to, it’s going to blow up worse than it has. For instance, if something in her life triggers you again, you haven’t done the work to deal with that dynamic. So before you get back to dating, you need to take care of your mental health, your physical health and your social health, first and foremost. When you do, and are further along in that process, you can try again — either with this woman or someone else.

[PassionSeeker]

The real issue here isn’t that you care about her, but that you didn’t communicate directly with her. You took your worry to the wrong person, and in doing so, you involved others in a way that escalated things unnecessarily. It’s one thing to be caring; it’s another to disrupt her family’s emotional space during a time of loss. You need to respect her boundaries and rebuild trust through clear, honest communication.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you messed up, yeah sure but you didn’t do it out of cruelty, you did it out of panic and love that got tangled with fear 😞. you were trying to protect her, not hurt her. that doesn’t make it okay, but it makes it human. right now, give her space and focus on grounding yourself. get help, stay consistent with your treatment, show you can hold steady. she might forgive you with time, but forgiveness isn’t something you chase, it’s something you earn by healing yourself first. you’re not doomed, you’re just learning the hard way how love and illness can collide. be gentle with yourself, okay? 💔✨

[Flirt Coach]

Man, my heart hurts reading this. You sound like someone who genuinely cares and just got caught in a storm you couldn’t control. I’ve seen that kind of panic before when love mixes with fear, and your mind starts running faster than your reason can keep up. You didn’t do what you did out of malice. You did it because you cared too much, and it came out sideways. That doesn’t make it right, but it does make it human.

we mess up with someone we love, the only way through is honesty, patience, and space. You already see what went wrong. You already regret it deeply. That’s a big first step. If she’s the kind of person who once saw your heart clearly, there’s a chance she’ll understand, but not right away. Her world’s heavy right now grief, distance, family pain and your mistake just landed right in the middle of all that. She probably needs to step back to protect her peace, not because she stopped caring, but because she’s overwhelmed.

What you can do now is take responsibility without pushing. Send one sincere message something like, “I understand why you’re upset. I crossed a line, and I’m truly sorry. I wasn’t in a good headspace, but that doesn’t excuse it. I care about you deeply and I’ll respect your space.” Then stop there. Let her breathe.

And for yourself, brother get the help you need to stay steady. Talk to a therapist or doctor if you can. Don’t carry all this guilt alone. You deserve compassion too. What happened doesn’t make you unworthy of love. It just shows that you’re still learning how to love while managing something that’s bigger than most people understand.

If she forgives you someday, that’s grace. But whether she does or not, you’ve got to learn to forgive yourself. Because carrying that guilt forever won’t honor her or the man you’re trying to be.

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is very grounded here. The key point is that this isn’t about whether she can forgive you it’s about whether you’re in a position to be a stable partner right now. Right now, your actions, though coming from love and concern, crossed boundaries in ways that caused her and her family distress. That’s not because you’re a bad personit’s because your mental health challenges weren’t fully managed in a high-stress emotional situation.

Your bipolar disorder and the trauma you carry from past losses played a role. You need to work on managing your triggers, stress, and panic responses. Therapy, medication management, and emotional regulation strategies are not optional they’re essential for preventing a repeat of this kind of spiral.

Reaching out to her mother was a boundary breach, and she felt that strongly. Understanding and respecting boundaries is crucial before you can be in a healthy romantic relationship.

Forgiveness is possible if enough time passes and if she sees that you’ve taken responsibility and done work on yourself but it’s not guaranteed. Right now, the priority is your growth and stability, not convincing her to forgive or resume the relationship.

This incident is painful, but you can’t change what happened. You can use it as a guide to strengthen your emotional regulation and interpersonal skills so that, next time, you can handle situations more appropriately.

You’re not doomed, but you need to step back and prioritize yourself first. If you do the work, you may have a chance with her or someone else later but right now, jumping back into trying to fix things could make it worse.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing you didn’t do this because you’re careless or unloving. You did it because your emotions ran louder than your logic and your mind was in a crisis. What you did came from fear, not malice. And while the impact was real, the intention matters too. She’s hurt right now, yes. She’s overwhelmed, grieving, and probably felt exposed. So her first reaction will be distance. That doesn’t mean you’re permanently done it means she needs space to settle her own storm.

What you need to do now is stop trying to fix it immediately. If you push, explain, apologize over and over, or try to force a resolution, it’ll only make her feel more pressure. The most loving and mature thing you can do is give her room to breathe and give yourself room to stabilize.

[Tara]

You’re not doomed. You’re just dramatizing your guilt because it’s easier than facing the actual issue: you lost control, you crossed a boundary, and now you’re hiding behind self-punishment instead of fixing it. The blunt truth is this: you didn’t ruin her life, you didn’t destroy the relationship, you just scared her and her family at the worst possible moment. It was a stupid mistake, not an unforgivable sin.

You want to know if she can forgive you. Of course, she can. People forgive worse things every day. The real question is whether you stop clinging to the idea that you’re irredeemable. That narrative is just cowardice disguised as remorse. You’re bipolar, you were under extreme emotional pressure, and you spiraled. That explains it. It doesn’t excuse it. And it definitely doesn’t give you the right to declare the situation hopeless, so you don’t have to do the hard work of repairing it.

Her reaction, pulling away, regretting the conversation, is normal. You shoved yourself into a family’s grief with unnecessary urgency. That doesn’t make you evil. It makes you impulsive and unregulated. She needs space because she’s overwhelmed, not because she’s writing your eulogy.

If you want any chance at this relationship surviving, stop begging the universe for forgiveness and start demonstrating control. Own the mistake without theatrics. Tell her exactly what happened, what triggered it, and what you’re doing to make sure it never happens again. Then stop contacting her until she responds. She’ll decide what she wants to do. You don’t get to pressure her into forgiving you just because you hate sitting in discomfort.

[Serena Vale]

You didn’t do this because you’re a bad person. You were overwhelmed, scared, and your mind slipped into that place it goes when you’re under too much pressure. It came from panic, not harm.

Reaching out to her mother in the middle of their grief was a shock, and it makes sense she reacted strongly. But that doesn’t mean she’ll never forgive you. It just means she needs space right now.

You’re carrying way too much guilt. What happened was a mental health moment, not a reflection of your character. When things settle, you can apologize calmly and honestly. Something like, “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I’m really sorry I added stress during a hard time.”

That’s enough. You’re not doomed. You just had a human moment in the middle of too much pain.

[Sally]

What you did came from panic, not cruelty. But from her side, it probably felt like a huge boundary you crossed at the worst possible moment. When people are grieving, anything unexpected hits twice as hard.

Will she forgive you? Honestly, maybe. People calm down. Feelings settle. But not right now. She needs space, and you need to let this moment breathe instead of trying to fix it fast. The more you push, the more she will pull away.

And please do not punish yourself forever for this. What happened says more about the pressure you were under than it does about who you are. Take care of your mind first. Get grounded again. Let things quiet down.

If she reaches out later, be steady and honest. And if she does not, it does not mean you are doomed. It just means this moment was too heavy for both of you.

[Natalie Noah]

My heart goes out to you. I can feel the intensity of your love for her and the guilt you’re carrying, and I want you to know that while the situation is serious, it’s also a reflection of your own unmet needs and struggles. You weren’t intentionally trying to hurt anyone your worry, combined with your mental health challenges, escalated beyond your control. That said, the outcome was predictable: contacting her mother, especially while she and her family were grieving, crossed boundaries and created distress for everyone involved. This is a painful lesson in how much our own emotional state can impact others, even when our intentions are good.

Right now, the most important thing is to focus on your own mental and emotional health. The fact that you’re aware of your triggers and patterns is a strong first step, but you need to actively manage them before trying to repair or pursue this relationship. Therapy, psychiatric support, and developing strategies to regulate your emotions and impulses are crucial. Only when you’re grounded, stable, and able to maintain healthy boundaries can you think about reconnecting whether with her or someone else. It’s painful, but this isn’t about being “doomed” it’s about taking responsibility for yourself, so that future relationships won’t be hurtful or overwhelming for either you or your partner.

[Member]

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