[bettens1]

This guy and I used to work together, Jonathan. And the moment I met him I had feelings. Never happened before but I couldn’t quit it. He had a girlfriend, which I was aware of so I never made a move, yet we always flirted. So a few months later we’re all hanging out at a friends house and I brought a friend out with me to drive. We had to leave, and weren’t sure how to get home, so he left with us and let us follow him. And next thing I know I stayed at his house and by this time we were both sober. I ended up telling him how I was attracted to him, yadda yadda and we hooked up. We didn’t have sex, I didn’t want to, but we fell asleep in each others arms, he took care of me and it was just really cute. Well he took me home the next morning, and I told him I didn’t want anyone to know about it. It would have caused complications I didn’t want to deal with. A few weeks later I found out he wanted to break up with his girlfriend for me, and we talked about it. He kept asking me what should I do what should I do, I told him it’s his decision (because i didn’t want to have to say date me you know? He should want it and figure it out) Anyway, they didn’t break up and I became close with his girlfriend. Few months later they’ve broken up, and I’ve screwd myself of any chance with him because I’m not the type of person to go behind a friends back and go for the guy they want…
But I haven’t quit felt like this with a guy before. I don’t know what it is about it. I know we wouldn’t be the best match up, but there’s something about him I’ve never had before, and it’s not something I want to find in someone else.

So my question, what should I do? What’s your opinion? Should I respect my friend? Or should I pursue my feelings without any promise that things would turn out the way I hope.

[js1585]

This is tough question, if she is your friend and you respect her you would not go out with her ex bf though if you have got strong feelings for him and he still hasa strong feelings for you and you really want to get together with him then speak to your friend tell her how you feel. Yes it will probably be awkward at first but if you have a chance for an amazing relationship with this guy is it not worth it? that is the morally right thing to do if you really like him. The could go behind her back and go out with him… but if your relationship got more serious she would eventually find out about you and her ex and would hate you for not telling her and going behind her back and you would lose a friend. Friends are very important they always stick by you whereas bf come and go so if she is a true good friend to you maybe you should give her ex a miss, ther’s plenty more fish in the sea. Though if you think about how you became good friends with his gf… was it so you could get closer to her ex bf? because that would show that she is not really a true friend.

Personally I would always get the all clear from a friend before I could date their ex-bf as most girls still feel it’s their property. So if you really value her as a friend and see yourself and her ex having a good relationship, go for it!

Hope this helps 🙂

[bettens1]

It helps… and no, I didn’t become close with her to get to the guy, I think I became close with her more so because I felt so guilty.

And the more I think about it, the more I realize it’s so not worth it. The relationship would great…. for about a month. But he’s been known to play around, yet his girlfriends are some how oblivious to it and since he cheated on her with me… I wouldn’t be so dumb. Haha I really shouldn’t have posted it, especially when I know I’m not going to pursue it. It’s a silly situation.
Thank you so much though! I do appreciate it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How did things turn out for you? 😀

[Natalie Noah]

A mix of admiration and relief at her self-awareness. She clearly has strong feelings for this guy, but she’s also very conscientious about her friendship and the potential consequences of acting on those feelings. That shows a level of emotional maturity recognizing that a momentary connection, no matter how intense, isn’t worth jeopardizing a friendship or getting involved with someone who has a history of being unfaithful. Her reflection that the relationship might only be great for a short time demonstrates that she’s realistically weighing the long-term consequences, not just chasing an emotional high.

I also sense a healthy respect for her own boundaries and values. She acknowledges the allure and uniqueness of her feelings, but ultimately chooses to prioritize integrity and self-respect. That’s a tough balance, especially when emotions are strong, but it’s clear she’s choosing the path that aligns with her moral compass. In the end, even though she’s had a moment of temptation, she’s able to see that pursuing him would likely lead to regret rather than fulfillment. That kind of clarity is rare and shows a deep understanding of herself and what she truly wants in a meaningful, lasting relationship.

[Member]

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