[Ethan Morales]

It’s important to separate genuine banter from bullying. Banter is light-hearted, mutual, and stops when someone clearly expresses discomfort. What you’re describing repeated digs about your experience with women, being called names like “dull” or “virgin boy,” and feeling devalued crosses the line from playful teasing to bullying. Banter shouldn’t leave you feeling angry, anxious, or humiliated, and if it consistently does, that’s a red flag. True friends won’t push your buttons repeatedly after you’ve expressed discomfort.

Your reaction isn’t about being overly sensitive. it’s about your self-respect. You’ve been clear with some of them that certain topics upset you, yet they continue to push them, especially in group settings where peer pressure amplifies negativity. Their behavior seems more about showing dominance or creating laughs at your expense than genuine friendship. A supportive friend would back you up or at least respect your boundaries; their silence or participation in the digs says a lot about the group dynamics.

You’re right to notice a pattern: when it’s one-on-one, things are normal, even positive, but in a group, it turns toxic. That shows it’s not about you personally in isolation. it’s about the social dynamics of the group and who’s trying to assert control or humor at your expense. This is a signal to reassess your involvement. You can’t control them, but you can control your exposure and boundaries. Setting limits even removing yourself from situations where you feel devalued is healthy and necessary.

Your plan to give one more chance with clear hints is sensible, but be prepared to follow through. Don’t just hint be firm about your boundaries. Make it clear that persistent digs or humiliation will mean you disengage. True friends will respect you, not the other way around. This isn’t about “toughening up,” it’s about recognizing that self-respect is non-negotiable, and your time and energy are valuable. People who can’t honor that aren’t worth constant emotional strain.

[Tara]

If you’re sitting there wondering whether your “friend” is joking or bullying you, they’re probably bullying you. Actual banter feels fun, mutual, and you walk away laughing — not replaying the comment in your head, wondering why it felt like a punch in the gut. Bullying is when someone keeps making “jokes” at your expense, especially about the same insecurity, and then hides behind “Relax, it’s just banter” when you look uncomfortable. That’s not banter, that’s someone using humor as a weapon because they’re too cowardly to be openly cruel.

And no, the solution is not to “toughen up.” You don’t fix bullying by becoming numb; you fix it by having boundaries. If someone only finds you funny when you’re the punchline, they’re not your friend; they’re an asshole with an audience. A real friend stops the second you say, “Not funny, cut it out.” A fake friend doubles down.

So here’s the litmus test:
Tell them once clearly that something bothered you.
If they respect it, they’re a friend.
If they mock you, minimize it, or repeat it, they’re a bully.
Simple. Stop twisting yourself into knots trying to decode their behavior. If someone makes you feel like shit more than they make you feel good, they’re not a friend, and you don’t need to “toughen up,” you need to walk away.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve been carrying this for a long time, and first, I’m proud of you for noticing it and wanting something different. What you described the nicknames, the digs, the way their tone changes the moment others are around isn’t harmless banter anymore. Banter lands when both people laugh about it and nobody’s left feeling smaller; what you described leaves you feeling diminished, anxious and second-guessed. That’s the real signal: how it makes you feel. If it frequently leaves you deflated, it’s not playful it’s a pattern that’s eroding your confidence.

That said, you’re doing the right thing by testing boundaries and thinking about a change. Practically: start with small, calm interventions the next time it happens. A short line “I don’t like that nickname, can we stop?” delivered once and without anger often resets the dynamic. If they shrug, repeat it and add a consequence: “If you keep doing that I won’t be around for it.” Mean it. People will push when they’ve been allowed to push for years; the only thing that changes that is consistent boundaries plus follow-through (i.e., actually leaving the group when they persist).

If the group dynamic flips only when more people are around, that tells you they’re using numbers to punish or deflect. You don’t have to “toughen up” into someone you’re not toughening up can simply mean becoming selective about who gets your energy. Start spending more time with the friends who treat you like an ally, not a target. Test new social circles slowly: a meetup, a class, volunteering environments where people know you for one thing (a hobby, a skill) help you build fresh relationships that don’t carry old scripts.

About the part of you that wants to help others that’s beautiful and absolutely doable. You don’t need decades of experience to support people; you need empathy, curiosity, and honesty. Consider starting small: volunteer peer-support, take an online course in coaching or counseling basics, or write short posts about what you’ve learned. Formal training (a short certificate in life coaching, counselling basics, or moderation/community building) will add credibility and help you avoid over-promising. Use your own journey as the honest seed people respond to real, grounded voices.

You’ve stuck with these friends out of loyalty and habit; changing that is hard and messy. Give yourself permission to step back gradually, practice those boundary lines out loud beforehand, and celebrate small wins (calling out a nickname once, leaving a toxic evening early). If you want, I can write three short, ready-to-use lines for you to say when the nicknames start, plus one brief script for telling the group you’re pulling back no drama, just clarity. Want those?

[Author]

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