[threemorels]

I have been dating a girl for about 6 months now (officially) but 4 months of it have been long distance so far. I have known her for almost a year now. I am in the Army Reserve and currently at a school, she was aware I would be attending the school prior to us making it official. Our relationship, even when we were not together appeared to be perfect. We love each other. I am almost 29 and she is 27. She is currently in Europe for work and has been there for several months. Out of the blue, she “unfriends” me on Facebook and says she needs space. We will see each other in 16 days and we had planned to meet in Europe after I am finished with my training, she knows I already purchased tickets. I was completely baffled by the situation and how quickly she turned away from me especially so close to seeing each other. She visited me halfway through my training. We had a long conversation and she agreed to try to rekindle our relationship when we see each other but “things may be awkward and we will need to get to know each other again.” As soon as this terrible situation appeared, it seemed to disappear over night and she is back to missing me again and sending lovey-dovey texts. I’m happy but also suspicious about what triggered this event. Is she having a moment of doubt because she is surrounded by other men that show her attention when I can’t or has she been having these feelings for a while? Did she unfriend me on Facebook because she doesn’t want anyone to know we are in a relationship? Is this relationship doomed?

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like she had some outside reason for acting erratically. In other words, it had nothing to do with the two of you, directly. It could have been another guy in her life or it could have been a conversation with a girlfriend over a bottle of wine where the girlfriend told her not to have a long distance relationship and the wine made her unfriend you. I’m guessing — but I’m also suggesting you don’t make too much of it because you just don’t know, and you have a delicate relationship because of the distance and the newness. So don’t get freaked out. Go back to things as normal, and when you do see her, you can mention it, if you want to, but if all else is going well, don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. That she got scared is one thing but that she is back on board is more important, given everything else. 😉

[threemorels]

Thank you for the advice. It really put me at ease a little more. I’ll judge the situation when we see each other in…12 days! I’m excited but still a little scared. I know time and space can change relationships but I’m just happy she is giving it a shot when I get back. I’ve traveled a lot and being away from a significant other for long periods of time puts a huge strain on a relationship, especially if outside influences are present. I’m also trying to take things slow with her and just have a good time. I hope our trip to Europe brings us closer together as a couple and we can move past the 5 months we spent separated. Thank you! And wish me luck!

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome — and good luck! 😀

[Sally]

What this looks like to me isn’t a secret double life or some clear betrayal. It looks like fear. Long distance has a way of hitting people all at once, especially when the reunion suddenly feels real and close. Being apart, surrounded by new people, different routines, attention it can make someone panic about whether they can handle the emotional weight of staying connected.

Unfriending you and asking for space sounds like a moment of overwhelm, not a clean decision. If she wanted out, she wouldn’t have come back so quickly with warmth and affection. People who are done usually stay done. The back-and-forth points to confusion, not certainty.

That said, the whiplash matters. It shook your trust. You’re allowed to notice that. When you see her, don’t interrogate just talk honestly about how that moment made you feel and ask what scared her. Not accusing. Just real.
This isn’t doomed. But it does need clarity. Love can survive distance. It struggles more with unspoken fear.

[Author]

Posts