[ChristineK]

I’ve been living with someone for 8 years. We discussed marriage a few weeks ago, but he is not ready. Our relationship has a lot of little problems that we tend to argue about quite often. Just recently, my boyfriend forgot my birthday. This is the 2nd time in 8 yrs that he has done this. It was easy to forgive the first time, but somehow I just can’t get over it this time. The other thing is that I found a book in his bookshelf in our bedroom. It was kinda tucked away, but not well. As I was walking past the shelf, I noticed it. Its called Thailand Fever and its a book for Western men that want to learn how to have a romantic relationship with Thai women. My boyfriend has always had a fondness for Asian woman, which is one of the things we have argued about. He lied and said he has had it for a very long time. I know he hasn’t and even if that’s true, the book was only published in 2004 (while we were living together). My boyfriend feels the need to communicate with women online and post himself as single on the internet. He is 42 and I am 44….please tell me…am I sincerely just wasting my time here? Sometimes you know, love is blind and I really don’t know if I should just end it or not. It does seem that he is sending a clear message though. But when I talk about leaving, he gets angry and blames me for just being childish and calls my jealousy petty. HELP

[heavens_heart]

I can kinda relate to what you are experiencing. I’ve only been with my boyfriend for four months and he sometimes makes comments about getting himself a red head, with freckles and green eyes. His ex was white and I am far from his discription I am Hispanic, with brown hair and brown eyes. So when he makes that comment it hurts my feelings and makes me question if he is serious about me. I feel that if he is more attracted to that description then why is he with me and what made him become attracted to me? It is never right for anyone to make their partner question or doubt their relationship. Now, after hearing him make that comment more than once I am worried that if he does find that girl with that description he is going to leave me. Which if that is what he wanted to begin with he should have never got involved with me. As for your boyfriend forgetting your birthday more than once is another issue. I know that there is no excuses for that. If it was turned around on him and you forgot his birthday im pretty sure he wouldnt appreciate it . The best advice I can give to you is to talk to him about how it makes you feel that he forgot your birthday and how you feel about him likeing asian women. If he doesnt understand your feelings about the subjects and apologize for disregarding your feelings by acting that way you are better off without him. Also, I believe that you shouldnt stand by and let him talk to other women online it is not healthy for any relationship and it is not being respectful to you and your feelings. You have a right to protect your feelings and say something to him when you feel his behavior is inappropriate. I hope my advice helps you a little and good luck with everything.

[glam0927]

Christine.. 8 years is a VERY long time to be with someone and not be married! Unless marriage is something two people in a relationship BOTH agree is not in the cards for them and are both happy with that decision.

However you mention marriage to be something you do want. So what exactly are you waiting for? The man can treat you like gold but if he is not ready to make a commitment after 8 years he will never make it. On the upside of things this man does not seem to treat you like gold..from the little you have told us about him. So this decision shouldnt be all that difficult for you.

Love is blind like you said but it sounds like to me you (more than likely both of you ) have gotten way too comfortable in a relationship neither of you are truly happy in.

Now it’s time to make a clean break, be honest with him.. If he really loves you maybe this is the wake up call he’s been needing. Next be honest with Christine and make a promise with yourself to never comprimise your needs for anyone again.

I hope it works out for you..sincerely.

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Natalie Noah]

This is not one isolated incident, but a clear pattern over many years. Forgetting your birthday twice in an eight-year relationship, refusing commitment when marriage matters to you, presenting himself as single online, and actively engaging with material about pursuing other women all send the same underlying message: he is not prioritizing you or the future you want. When actions repeatedly contradict words, it’s the actions that deserve your attention. Love can be real and still be insufficient when respect, security, and shared goals are missing.

It’s also important to notice how your concerns are being handled. Instead of acknowledging your hurt, he responds with anger, dismissal, and accusations of jealousy. That shuts down communication and shifts blame onto you for having very reasonable expectations. Wanting commitment after eight years, wanting honesty, and wanting to feel chosen are not childish or petty needs. they are foundational to a healthy partnership. A relationship shouldn’t make you feel small for asking for reassurance and clarity.

At this point, it does seem like he is sending a message, even if he doesn’t say it directly. He appears comfortable with the relationship as it is, while you are quietly sacrificing your needs to keep it going. That imbalance will only grow more painful over time. Ending things wouldn’t mean the love wasn’t real; it would mean you’re finally honoring yourself. Sometimes the hardest truth is that staying can cost you far more than leaving ever will.

[Author]

Posts