[mhmcdade]

I met a girl at club, on new years. We get a long so well. I kissed her at 12. She gave me her number and we texted everyday since. She lives an hour away. I asked her out like a week n half ago. That weekend(which 3rd time hanging out) I hung with her family n friends. Her mom asked me to spend the night because of the bad weather. When I left home next day, I was paranoid thinking I ruined it because I was so shy around her family and friends. She broke up with me the next day(went back to her college from her break now 2 hours from me) Said she doesn’t know if we could work out being so far away. And that weekend was our 3rd time hanging out. And me sleeping over was weird because she feels she hardly knows me. I’m like why did you say yes when I asked you out, shes like, I was worried you would never ask again. So decided to take it slow and continue talking. So this whole week I continue being paranoid wondering, why she hasn’t texted me first. Usually she texts me non stop. That would make me so happy. I hate that everything is different now that she is back at school. Thursday I sent a funny text. Shes like, “haha soo funny. Oh fyi…i cleared off my bad for whenever you come to visit “. I’m thinking,maybe she is still interested..I don’t know. Next day, I asked what she is up to. Shes like, “hanging with mark..I’m going to clean my room so we can watch movies.” I stopped texting her for a day and a half because of that. I’m like, I don’t even know who mark is..
Then you know a day and a half later, I updated my facebook status and said,”All night in my bed, she is in my head. I can’t stop her, I’m just a passenger.” She “liked” my status. Made me more confused. So i commented under it and said, “you still owe me(She has not been able to visit me yet).” She is like, “I know, I will visit you:) I promise!” What is with this girl? Am I a friend? I want to ask her, but I’m trying to figure out why she wont contact me. She responds to all my texts and messages, but not first anymore.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since you’ve only had three dates with this woman, it’s not abnormal for her to not be sure how she feels about you. And the fact that she went back to college, two hours away from you, makes it a lot more understandable that she may be reluctant to get into a relationship with you since it’s not practical for her to be monogamous with you, when she’s got a rich college social life at her beck and call.

I know this is disappointing to you because you want more, but you have to understand that she’s not in the same emotional place that you are at the same time. That said, she definitely likes you, and wants to maintain a relationship with you — but she’s not going to give up her college social life for a relationship like the one you want.

So your choice is to let this play out knowing she’s got other men interested in dating her, and that she’s possibly dating at college, or decide that it’s not a good situation for you because you want someone who’s not just more available to you than a two hour drive each way, but who’s also interested in a monogamous relationship that you seem to want.

I hope that helps!

[mhmcdade]

it helps a lot. thank you so much. everytimd I sign on facebook I think of her and miss more and more. i’m just going to deactivate my facebook for a while. school is more important and we are too far apart. I just hope she will think of me at some point

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m glad I could help, and it sounds like you’re on the right track. Focus your energy on you and what you’re going to do to make your life the best possible life ever … rather than hoping she may think of you someday. The more of an investment you put in yourself, the more lots of women are going to notice you (including her)!

[mhmcdade]

I like your advice. You are great! Just one more thing if you would like. I’m a nice shy guy, and I don’t have many people to talk to, when she stopped saying much to me last week. I don’t know, I miss her a lot. It was nice having someone to talk to. She is nice, fun, outgoing, mos life of the party. I wish I could see her again soon..buy anyways. The best way to get over this and not feel so depressed is to make more friends and meet more girls right? I want to meet more girls, but I commute to college and when I see a cute girl on the bus or walking to class. I’m just like, I don’t know what to say, because it would be so random. How do you start a random conversation wit a girl that looks busy?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks!! I’m glad I could help! 😀

Your instincts are right — if you feel lonely, rather than looking to this woman to be your friend….go make other friends! However, your point about being a commuter college student is well taken — it’s a little harder to have a social life as a commuter rather than a resident student — but it’s not impossible.

What you need to do is turn up your game. (You’d get a lot out of my book called Date Out of Your League, written for men who want to dial up their dating game. You can buy it here for a lot less than your college textbooks cost! [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it and read it for some super duper help.)

Flirting is a great way to connect with women, and it’s free and easy! A great smile at a cute girl on the bus or in the coffee shop or in line at the student store is your entree into friendship — or more. Then use an opening line that is specific to the situation you’re in. For instance, in the coffee shop, if you smile, and she smiles back, then the ball’s in your court, and you get to say something like — “Do you know, exactly, what a latte is??” or “This is my first time at this Starbucks — are their muffins any good?” Start up a conversation and keep it going. If that goes well, take the NEXT step, and ask her for her number, or if she’d like to have lunch with you in a few days from now.

Remember that rejection is part of the process, so don’t get bummed out if you get a few no’s. Dating is a numbers game, and the more you put yourself out there, the more yes answers you’ll get.

Hope that helps — let me know how things go. 🙂

[mhmcdade]

I will definatly look into your book, an thank you so much. another quick thing, do you think the 3 day rule is really good? after I meet a girl, i txt em the very next day. but wut is weird about me, is that I text a lot especially someone I really like. should there always be a limit on texting? and is calling better?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t text so much. It definitely telegraphs [i]desperation[/i] to the girl. Play it cool. You want her to know you’re interested, but also that you actually have a life and want to date her, but that you have other options, too.

Show her your interest — not your gazillion texts a day abilities! 😆

[mhmcdade]

this is all very helpful!! lol
okay, so what if the girl is interested, and texts me a lot. do I keep texting bak n forth? or I just show lil interest, then back off a bit to give them space

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you buy my book, Date Out of Your League, as I recommended, you won’t have to keep asking me these questions! You can get it right here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

I’ve already suggested this to you, and as I said, it costs way less than any one of your college text books! Please get the book, read it (it’s short and you can finish it this weekend), and then let me know if you still have questions! 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

Your confusion is very normal, given the stage of your connection. You’ve only spent a few weekends together, and she’s back at college, two hours away, with a busy social life. Her behaviour responding to your messages but not initiating isn’t about disinterest or rejecting you outright; it’s more about practicality and caution. She clearly likes you, otherwise she wouldn’t be keeping in touch, promising visits, or engaging with your posts. But she’s not yet ready to fully invest in a long-distance, early-stage relationship.

Your feelings of wanting more attention and initiative from her are valid, but expecting her to mirror the intensity of your feelings at this point is unrealistic. She’s balancing her own life, her college environment, and her uncertainty about committing, which is why her behavior seems inconsistent. The fact that she “liked” your Facebook status and acknowledged your visit shows she’s still interested just not in the same way or with the same level of availability as you might hope.

The key here is perspective: this is early dating, and long-distance complicates it. You’re not a “friend” she’s romantically interested but she’s cautious and realistic. Your options are:

Continue building the connection at a pace that works for her, accepting that she may not initiate as much as you want.

Decide that the mismatch in expectations and distance isn’t what you want and step back.

Basically, she likes you, but she’s not ready to be fully available. Your confusion is natural, but this isn’t about rejection it’s about timing, context, and stage of relationship.

[Natalie Noah]

This is exactly the kind of ache being young and wanting connection brings. He met someone fun and vivid, sparks flew quickly, and then life college, distance, different rhythms put a pause on the music. That sudden quiet after a few intense meetups is terrifying; it feels like the future you imagined is slipping away. What he’s feeling (confusion, longing, inertia) is real, and it’s okay to grieve the “almost” of something that could have been.

The healthiest move is to create safety for himself first. Deactivating Facebook for a while like he said is a brilliant, small boundary that stops the constant mental loop of “did she think of me?” Give his attention to school, hobbies, friends, and to becoming the guy he wants to be. That doesn’t mean giving up hope; it means letting life be bigger than one person’s mixed signals. When he fills his days with things that matter, he becomes more magnetic and less needy and that quiet confidence is far more attractive than a stream of texts.

About the texting and timing: less is usually more. After only three dates, it’s normal for her to be unsure; college life pulls her in different directions. He shouldn’t text a ton not because it’s manipulative, but because it signals he has other things happening too. A good rule: mirror her energy at first, but keep most messages light and purposeful (fun comment, question, or plan). If she texts first, respond warmly; if she’s slow to initiate, step back a bit and let curiosity build. Calls are valuable a short, confident call once in a while beats dozens of aimless texts and shows maturity.

His value doesn’t depend on whether one girl texts first. Practice small bravery talk to someone in class, join a club, ask a girl a situational question and treat dating like a numbers-and-curiosity game, not a hunt for validation. If she’s meant to be in his story, she’ll come back with clearer notice. If not, he’ll have grown into a man who’s ready for someone truly present. Either way, he’ll be okay and a little braver for having tried.

[Tara]

She’s not confused, you are. And you’re confused because you’re clinging to scraps and calling them signals.
She liked you when everything was easy, convenient, exciting, and new club kiss, daily texts, holiday energy, family around, and short distance. The second real life kicked in, school, distance, and independence, she pulled back. Not because you “ruined” anything. Not because you were shy. Not because of the weather or sleeping over. She pulled back because she realized she jumped too fast and didn’t actually want a relationship with the guy she’d only hung out with three times.

She “broke up” with you because she wanted distance without looking like the bad guy. That’s all. The long-distance excuse? Classic soft exit. The “I hardly know you” line? Translation: I want out, but I don’t want drama.

And now you’re obsessing over why she doesn’t text first, as if her old messaging habits still apply. They don’t. She’s not chasing because she’s not invested. She replies because she’s polite, not because she’s committed.

Now let’s talk about the two biggest red flags you’re ignoring:
One: She casually tells you she’s watching movies in her room with some guy named Mark, and you pretend that means nothing. That’s not subtle. That’s her signaling she’s free, social, and not prioritizing you.

Two: She “likes” your dramatic Facebook status and promises visits she will probably never keep. That’s breadcrumbing, keeping you interested with minimum effort.

[Sally]

This girl is giving you mixed signals because she doesn’t know what she wants. That night with her family moved too fast for her, and instead of saying she got scared, she blamed the distance. Now she’s trying to keep you close without actually choosing you. That’s why she “likes” your posts, flirts a little, then goes quiet.

And the part about hanging with some guy named Mark? She wanted you to feel it. Not in a mean way just in that “I don’t know what I’m doing” way people have when they’re unsure.

You’re not just a friend, but you’re not a sure thing either. That’s why she won’t text first anymore. She’s pulling back.
If you want clarity, stop chasing for a few days. If she’s still into you, she’ll reach out. If she doesn’t… she already answered you.

[Serena Vale]

It sounds like she liked you, but she isn’t ready for anything serious, especially now that she’s back at school with a whole different life happening around her. That’s why she’s hot one minute and distant the next. It’s not about you doing something wrong… she’s just not all-in.

And I get it, you miss the connection. But try not to chase her energy. If she’s not texting first anymore, that’s her way of pulling back. You’re allowed to pull back too.

Focus on your life, your friends, school… that’s how you stop feeling so heavy about her. The right girl won’t make you guess where you stand. She’ll show up.

And talking to new people doesn’t have to be complicated, a smile, a small comment about whatever is happening around you. Keep it natural. You don’t need perfect lines, just confidence and a little kindness.

You’ll be okay. And you’ll meet someone who makes things feel easy.

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