[quoth_the_raven]

Hi
I have a problem with my girlfriend. We’ve been dating a few months, and she claims to love me, but she keeps hiding things from me then lying to my face about them. For example she met up with her ex (that before me she had been borderline obsessed with) over Easter but when I asked her about it she claimed she hadn’t seen him since before Christmas. I know she’s lying because my friends were in the same pub and saw them together! The thing is, nothing happened. They didn’t act like a couple, they didn’t kiss or cuddle… so why bother hiding it? I know she might think it would make me more comfortable not knowing, but things like this I’m eventually going to find out (as I have) and it makes me more uncomfortable knowing she’s probably met him more than once and I don’t know if anything happened. If she hadn’t lied about it I could trust her, but she’s made me unable to.
Now last night she’s announced she’s going away for a week long beach party. This is the first time she’s mentioned it, despite clearly planning it for a long time. It’s not like I could, or would, stop her going, so why doesn’t she say anything until the last minute (she’d already left when she told me). She says she loves me, but I can only trust her as much as her actions have let me – for me a relationship isn’t a back-stage pass to my trust, it still has to be earnt. Now I’m worried she’s going to be hanging out drinking and doing drugs in a sexually-charged environment. I want to trust her, and know part of the problem is me not doing so, but she hasn’t let me. What can I do?

[kai]

It seems to me that if she’s always lying to you about things, especially the types of things you’ve mentioned — meeting up with her ex (the guy she was obsessed with) and hanging out with him, making plans to go to parties that you’re not going to etc, — that you should consider looking for someone else.

Find someone who wants to go to parties WITH YOU and who wants to hang out WITH YOU and who doesn’t do things she has to lie about TO YOU.

You deserve better.

[kayloni]

I believe that this girl does have feelings for you. I don’t know if I would call it love. I don’t know her or her behavioral patterns as a person. I think that she may have experienced a very controlling and overly jealous ex, and she is applying his habits to you and your relationship with her.

Before she confronts you about anything, she thinks it over in her head, and for some reason or another thinks that you are going to tell her no, then proceeds to find a way around you telling her no. As far as the reason she thinks that you are going to tell her no, I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because she IS going to do or did something that you disapprove of. Or maybe it’s because for some psychological reason she thinks that you will assume that she is going to do something that you disapprove of.

Have you confronted her about WHY she continuously does this?

Here is another question: Is she much younger than you? The reason I ask is because a lot of times (and I know from experience), girls will date older guys for one reason or another, but then they think of them as a fatherly figure…thus making them go behind the man’s back so that they can “be their own age” without the man disapproving as a father would.

I may be way off about this, but I hope I’ve helped a little.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is not a course in school entitled, Love 101. There’s English and there’s History, but no one gives you a textbook on love or a course guide or a mid term and a final exam. People learn about love from what they see around them growing up, out and about in the world, and the media. They make their own decisions about what is right and wrong in love and otherwise, the same way.

Your girlfriend’s idea of love is different than yours. You can’t call the police and fine her or ticket her for not loving you properly because there’s no code or laws to break in love. So you have to decide if this is someone who’s compatible in their love for you.

You already know deep down that the reason your girlfriend doesn’t tell you about meeting her ex or going off to a beach party for a week is because she doesn’t want you to be part of it. Her idea of having a boyfriend — or having you as her boyfriend — just doesn’t include being invited to the party. And it doesn’t include telling you the truth.

Since you’ve only been dating a few months, you’ve done your job and figured out what isn’t working for you. I’d say respect yourself and move on. You’ll feel a lot more comfortable with a girlfriend who doesn’t lie to you.

[Lizzy_09]

[quote=”quoth_the_raven”]she met up with her ex (that before me she had been borderline obsessed with) over Easter but when I asked her about it she claimed she hadn’t seen him since before Christmas. I know she’s lying because my friends were in the same pub and saw them together![/quote]

How do you react if she tell you something significant? Some people can’t handle the truth, so this gives others to lie. May be she’s afraid of your reaction since she’s meeting up with a former boyfriend.

[quote]The thing is, nothing happened. They didn’t act like a couple, they didn’t kiss or cuddle… so why bother hiding it? [/quote]

One thing I know is that if you’ve got something to hide, why flaunt it?

I think you should bring up this topics again but before you do, try to reassure her that you won’t get angry emotions cloud your judgment. Then tell her that a friend of yours saw her with her ex. Maybe she will be able to tell you why.

You are right by saying that trust isn’t demanded, it is earned. If you doubt her explanation again, then keep us posted of your progress.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Please let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Ethan Morales]

That’s a really good one to unpack, and honestly, April Masini’s response is spot on. Let me break it down for you in plain terms and add my perspective.

This situation isn’t just about one lie or one secret. It’s about a pattern she hides things that directly affect the trust between you. Even if nothing “happened” with her ex or at that beach party, her choice to conceal those events speaks volumes. When someone lies, it’s not always about the action itself, it’s about what the lie protects. In this case, she’s protecting her independence or her image, not your feelings or the integrity of your relationship.

Masini’s point that there’s no “Love 101” class is important. Everyone learns love differently some people grow up in environments where being secretive, evasive, or emotionally unavailable is normalised. That doesn’t excuse it, but it does explain why she might think it’s okay to behave this way and still say she loves you.

But here’s the key: compatibility in love style matters as much as chemistry.
You believe love equals openness, honesty, and mutual respect.
She believes love can coexist with secrecy and selective truth.
That’s a fundamental mismatch not a small quirk you can “fix.”

You’re right to feel uncomfortable. Trust isn’t something you owe someone; it’s something they earn and protect. If she keeps lying about her choices, she’s essentially saying, “I want the benefits of your love, but not the accountability that comes with it.” That’s not partnership that’s emotional freeloading.

Masini’s advice to respect yourself and move on isn’t about giving up easily, it’s about recognising that staying will only teach her that you’ll tolerate being lied to. Leaving, on the other hand, sets a clear boundary that says: “My love isn’t a free pass for dishonesty.”

[PassionSeeker]

You already know what’s wrong you just need the courage to act on it. She lies because she can, and because she knows you’ll question yourself more than you’ll hold her accountable. That imbalance is the quiet killer of trust.

When someone says they love you but hides their choices, what they really mean is, “I love you as long as it doesn’t inconvenience me.” That’s not love that’s comfort mixed with avoidance. Her secrecy about her ex and her last-minute trip tells you she wants emotional freedom without responsibility. You deserve better than being an optional truth in someone’s life.

Don’t chase clarity from her; you already have it. Her actions have told the truth her words won’t. End this cleanly and with self-respect. Tell her: “I can’t build something real with someone who hides from honesty. I hope you find what you’re looking for, but I won’t live in half-truths.”

Walking away isn’t weakness it’s choosing peace over confusion. And that’s how you start trusting yourself again.

[Marcus king]

She’s not just omitting things she’s managing the truth to avoid accountability, and that’s the part that matters. Meeting an ex by itself isn’t the crime lying about it is. Same with disappearing to a week-long beach trip she clearly planned ahead. That’s not love, that’s someone keeping one foot in the relationship and one foot in their “options.” You can’t build trust on top of secrets. You can’t be the only one treating the relationship like it’s real. So here’s your move: stop arguing details and address the pattern. Tell her, calmly, that trust is built through transparency, not surprises and cover-ups. If she’s willing to be honest going forward and show it in her actions cool, you work with that. If she gets defensive, minimizes it, flips it on you, or keeps doing the same thing then she’s not your partner, she’s just someone you’re hoping will grow up. And hoping never fixes a relationship.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh babe… she’s playing hide-and-seek with the truth and calling it love 🙄 like, if she can’t be honest about small stuff, how are you supposed to trust her when life gets messy? that’s not protecting your feelings and you’re over here trying to build something real with someone who’s acting like it’s optional. love without honesty is just vibes and gaslighting. stop decoding her excuses. her actions?? already said enough. you don’t fix trust by pretending you still have it. 💅

[Tara]

You just don’t have the guts to act on it. She lies, hides, and plays dumb because you let her. You keep trying to logic your way into trusting someone who’s already proven she can’t be trusted. That’s pathetic.

You’re not her partner, you’re her audience. She performs love when it’s convenient, and you eat it up because it feels safer than admitting she doesn’t respect you. Stop analyzing her behavior like it’s a puzzle. It’s not complex. She lies because it works.

[Sally]

It’s not the trip or the ex that hits the hardest it’s the lying. Once someone lies about small things, your brain starts filling in the blanks with the worst possibilities. That’s just human.
And honestly, if she loved you the way she says, she wouldn’t keep you in the dark like that. People who care don’t make you feel crazy for asking simple questions. They don’t wait until they’re already gone to tell you where they are.

You’re not asking for anything wild. You just want honesty so you can feel safe with her. If she can’t give you that, you’re going to keep feeling this way no matter how much you try to trust her.
Just sit with that. It usually tells you what you need to know.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel the frustration and hurt you’re carrying. You’re trying to build trust and closeness in this relationship, and yet her actions hiding meet-ups with her ex, keeping plans from you until the last minute make it impossible for you to feel secure. Trust isn’t just about believing someone won’t cheat; it’s also about honesty, transparency, and feeling respected as a partner. When someone repeatedly hides things or lies, even about “harmless” events, it chips away at the foundation of trust, and that makes it incredibly hard to fully open your heart, no matter how much you care for them. Your feelings are valid wanting to be included, informed, and treated with respect is not controlling; it’s about emotional safety.

From what April Masini points out, the real issue here is compatibility. Your girlfriend’s idea of love and boundaries simply doesn’t align with yours. She seems to value independence or secrecy in ways that make you uncomfortable, and at this early stage in your relationship, that’s a huge red flag. Love is meaningful when it’s shared with honesty, not just words of affection. The healthiest step for you now is to honor your own needs: if someone consistently makes you feel uneasy or mistrustful, it’s a sign to consider moving on. You deserve a partner whose actions match their words, and who respects you enough to be truthful about the things that matter to your peace of mind

[Serena Vale]

Hi… it’s Serena.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds confusing and it would worry anyone. The problem isn’t that she saw her ex or that she’s going on a trip, it’s that she hid it from you.

When someone keeps things secret, even small things, it makes you feel unsure and unsafe in the relationship. And you’re not wrong for feeling that way.

You just need to be honest with her. Tell her gently:

“I’m not upset about what you did. I’m upset that you didn’t tell me. I want us to be honest with each other.”

Then watch what she does next. Not what she says, what she does.

If she cares, she’ll try to be more open with you. If she doesn’t change, then you have to think about whether this relationship is giving you the trust and peace you deserve.

You’re not asking for too much. You just want honesty, and that’s normal.

[KeishaMartin]

You’ve got yourself tangled up with a girl who’s playing hide-and-seek with your trust, sneaking around with her ex and then tossing half-truths like candy at a parade. It’s like she’s running a secret little fantasy world, and you’re stuck peeking in through the blinds, wondering if you’re even part of the story. That cocktail of lies, secrecy, and beach parties dripping with temptation is downright scorching but not in a sexy, playful way. It’s hot chaos, and it’s slowly sinking your sense of self-worth. You deserve someone who’s not only transparent but who craves you with that fire and devotion you’re ready to give. Trust isn’t a free gift, it’s earned and she’s clearly cashing in on her own fun while leaving you in limbo.

April Masini, she slices through this drama like a knife through silk, serving reality with style and keeping your heart from combusting over someone who’s playing games. She’s basically the high-octane espresso shot for anyone’s love life, giving wisdom so sharp it could leave a mark, but also setting you free to reclaim your sexy, powerful self. So as we shimmy into Happy New Year, 2026, may your champagne sparkle like your confidence, your parties be wild and untamed, and may this year finally bring you a lover who earns every ounce of your fire instead of hiding in the shadows. Let 2026 be the year you get chased, adored, and never left wondering your heart deserves fireworks.

Happy New Year, 2026,

[Member]

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