[Anonymous]

Hi

My girlfriend of nearly 8 years is a very beautiful woman, but she seems to have no confidence at all in her sensuality. She never wears sexy clothes, she never bought a piece of lingerie, she never looks at me with “bedroom eyes” or attempts to seduce me. When we have sex it’s just because we start kissing before going to sleep and we get carried away. I’d like it for her to try new things, but I’m afraid she might take it very badly if I mention this to her. Any advice? Thank you.

PS: I have complimented her on her looks numerous times.

[Ask April Masini]

Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and my advice to you is for [i]you[/i] to take the lead in giving what you want, to her, so she can learn from you. If you want her to seduce you with bedroom eyes, then you start to lower your lids first. If you want some spicier talk in the bedroom, then you start that conversation going. If you want to try different things, in different rooms, or at different times, then you take the initiative. If you want her to wear sexy lingerie, then buy her some as a gift. You can even turn a date into a shopping trip and buy things for her together, which could be really fun.

If you’re tired of sex starting with kissing in the dark because it happens to be night time, then you take the lead and show her the kind of adventure you want to go on. The trick to making this pleasurable for her, and giving her an adventure she wants to repeat and riff on, herself, is to make sure she’s comfortable, and not feeling pressured, and that there is a tone of sexuality, but also fun so she doesn’t get scared.

I’ve written a book called Romantic Date Ideas [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url] that you can use to get ideas for scenarios that lead to a spicier sex life than what you already have. This is a book written for couples just like you and your girlfriend who want to spice things up in the bedroom, but feel that they’re in a rut. You’ll get a lot out of reading this. I promise! 😀

[Anonymous]

Dear April,

Thank you for your response. I have, however, one more question. How do I go about these matters in a way that makes her feel flattered and doesn’t think I am criticizing her? She can be very sensitive to these matters. Thank you.

[Ask April Masini]

In all things sexual, slow is usually a much better tact for a woman than fast, so whatever you do or initiate, do it slowly. This will make your girlfriend feel more at ease.

Seduction is what you need to focus on. Wooing a woman sexually requires some strategy, some skill and some tact. Understand that women’s sex drives start in their brains where the idea of sex and sensuality originate. So, if you’re planning to initiate some new sex facet this weekend, start seducing her today. Sexy messages on the phone, a love note, a rose, and sensual caresses that don’t lead anywhere, but imply a promise of sex, are all what I’m talking about, and you can probably use those notes to expand and improvise on what you and she already have as a basis for your sex life.

I can’t imagine any of those things making her feel criticized or defensive, so I think that they should help.

What you need to focus on, in broad strokes, is making your sex life more of a priority in your relationship, and to do that, you have to make it more of a priority in your life, so start seeing her as a sexual object (in addition to the dynamic woman she already is), and turn up your sexual feelings. Chances are she will meet you more than half way — if you’re patient.

Good luck! 🙂

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