[JustCurious]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We live together and have a good relationship other than the sex. He has a low sex drive in general, mostly because of age and medication but even when we do have sex I am never satisfied.
It is 5 maybe 8 minutes on a good night, maybe A LITTLE foreplay and that’s sometimes and he has never made me orgasm.Ever.
I have tried talking to him about it but he just says he’s not in the mood or gets offended, although I try to put it gently and not accuse him of anything, I just want to make our relationship an open, and honest one, where I can express my feelings and him his but he doesn’t.
I feel horrible because sometimes I find myself having fantasies about other people, although I would never cheat it makes me feel unfaithful. I have tried just using him in my fantasies and although it gets me there I am always disappointed when we do have sex because he doesn’t live up to my sexual fantasies of him.

Am I in the wrong for expecting him to be someone he is not. Is there something in our life that is stopping us from having great sex that comes from connecting and being with someone for a period of time? Is there something I can be doing to encourage him to slow down in bed or try new things both of which he doesn’t want to do. I have tried slowing him down in the act but he won’t. He shuts down whenever sex comes up with us.

Please help is there anything I can do or will all my pleasures be solo?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Am I in the wrong for expecting him to be someone he is not. [/quote]

Yes. It’s always wrong to try to change someone from who they are. It’s also a losing proposition.

[quote]Is there something in our life that is stopping us from having great sex that comes from connecting and being with someone for a period of time?[/quote]

Yes. You said your sex life is impaired partly by his age and partly by his medication. How old are both of you and what medication is he taking? For what illness?

[quote] Is there something I can be doing to encourage him to slow down in bed or try new things both of which he doesn’t want to do. I have tried slowing him down in the act but he won’t. He shuts down whenever sex comes up with us.[/quote]

You’ve answered your own question. He isn’t interested in your sexual satisfaction. Either he’s frustrated that he can’t do what he wants to do and doesn’t want to try and please you, or else he’s just not that interested in you, period.

If you let me know your ages, his medication and his illness I’m happy to advise you further. 🙂

[Member]

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