[Anonymous]

I was dating this guy who I knew as a friend for almost 2years before v started dating…. 6 months into our relationship we called it the quits . The reason for my agreeing to this was that I knew that with a person of his nature, long distance relationship would not work, as he is a person who needs you to be with him the whole time.. I really like him , but I knew that this was th only way out. A week later I find out that hes already dating another girl, and I believe that she came into his life while we were dating , and that was the actual reason for his wanting to break up.. I feel so heart broken, v did so much together and he did not give me the slightest inkling that there was something wrong, when i faced him about it he says he felt r relationship was not goin anywhere,, if this was the case y did i feel it was perfect??? i feel so used..i can barely think or get any work done.. im so heart broken.. please help me get out of this rut….what hurts me is the fact that I believed our time apart would help him realise how much i meant to him , that he wud miss me n perhaps come back… but now i realise that he never even gave me a chance…he’ll never realise what hes lost because he is in the company of another lady already. Is she a homewrecker for flirting and showing interest with him while he was already dating somebody me?

[Anonymous]

My friends all tell me that he was just playin me right from th start.never once did he take out out to dinner .. Even not for valentines day.. I dint complain much abt this because currently we are both workin on our residency files and are very busy.. However we wud meet up to hang out atleast twice a week. He called me to hang out with this guy friends.. I did this toward the start but when I realised he made time to hang out witht them but had no alone time with mw I stopped going.. When v broke up he told me its coz he lost interest in me n that I did not want to chill out with his guy pals… What a terrible reason.. One of his freinds told me that he showed some of my perSonal pikS that I sent only to him to Some of hiS guy friends.. Also with me hed fondle n grope me in public places n which I found very inappropriate n when I told him so he wud Get Annoyed saying that I shudnt have a problem as we are goin out.. I feel so used now.. I really feel like getting in touch with his new gf n tElling her about how he treated me .. Even the last few dAys before we broke up he kept telling me that he wants sex sex sex. . He dint feel like he wanted anythin elSe to do with me..I hAte him soo muchh..- know I still have feelings for him becauise of th fun tyms v spent together but I really want to screw up his life for using me this way. This iS one scar that I will never get past. Pls help me. Should I go ahead n contact his new gf?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No. Don’t contact his girlfriend. 😕 And let me help you get a little perspective on your pain. When a man really likes you and wants you to be his girlfriend, [i]he’s going to act like it[/i]. He’ll take you out to dinner and woo you and try to win you over. But [b]YOU[/b] have to decide whether or not to go, and [b]you [/b]also have to decide how to get him to chase after you. If you’re too available and if you make it too easy for him, you’re going to feel taken advantage of.

I know it seems like he should be behaving a certain way that he’s not, but the truth is when you understand how men behave, in general, it’s a lot easier for you know that men have sex because they can. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean you’re going to be Ms. Right. I think you mistook the six month relationship for more than it was — and frankly, there may have been wonderful parts at first, but eventually, it wasn’t working for him.

In addition, since you knew him for two years and only dated him for the last six months, you’ve got to wonder why he didn’t ask you out a year ago or a year and a half ago or two years ago…. sometimes people you’ve known for several years fly under the radar you use to weed out inappropriate dates when you meet someone you don’t know well. There may have been things about this guy, had you just met him for the first time six months ago, that would have been flashing yellow lights that kept you from going out with him, but because you’ve known him for several years, you let a lot of those things slide.

So now that it’s over, move on, and muster up as much grace as you can. Take responsibility for choosing someone who wasn’t right and be grateful you didn’t waste any more time with someone who isn’t going to be your Mr. Right. He’s out there — now take what you’ve learned and date more strategically next time! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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