[fairygirl23]

Hey. I know this may sound a tad weird, but just recently I made the decision to delete an “old flame” from my Facebook. The situation is a bit complicated…I don’t refer to him as my “ex” because we were never really “boyfriend and girlfriend” as such. We met when we were still in high school and – to make a long story short- we went on a couple of dates. After each of these dates I always got the impression that this guy really liked me, and I really liked him a lot too (I guess, in a large way, I still do). Anyway, after the last time we went out, he told me that he would text me again, but he just never did (and it has been over 3 months already.) I didn’t want to be the first to text him as I was really, truly hoping that he would pursue me..and I guess I did this as a way of determining if he was really that into me. Again, I know this sounds kinda strange, but I liked him so much and the weeks and months rolled by and I was just so disappointed when I didn’t hear from him again…I still find myself obsessively going over everything in my head, trying to figure out what I did wrong that he all of a sudden stopped texting. The thing is, although he stopped texting I still had him on my Facebook and despite everyone telling me to get over him, I just couldn’t help myself from, well, “creeping” his Facebook profile at least 5 times a day, everyday. Of course I never sent him messages or anything, I just harmlessly “creeped.” But one day, not too long ago, I was creeping his profile as usual and – much to my horror – saw that he was listed as “no longer single.” As crazy as it sounds, I was devastated. Of course it doesn’t necessarily mean that he has a girlfriend, right? But who am I kidding? Chances are pretty good that he does. I guess because I had such strong feelings for this guy I was really crushed at this discovery. And yet, everyday, everytime I was on my computer I STILL found myself creeping his profile religiously. Then one day I just decided that I’ve gotta stop this craziness and so, for the sake of my sanity, I deleted him from my Facebook (as melodramatic as it sounds!). At the time it felt so good to have deleted him…it was very, i guess, liberating…lol! And in a strange way it gave me a kind of closure. But now i’m seriously starting to have second thoughts about it…was it the right thing to do? A part of me still keeps hoping that maybe he’ll notice and add me again…do you think he might? Or do you think I should add him again? I just wish getting over someone you like(d) could be easier somehow…PLEASE, absolutely any thoughts or suggestions on this would be greatly appreciated! Thanks 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You definitely did the right thing. 😉 I know you’re hurt that he turned out to be not so into you, but what you did was self protective and healthy. Getting over a hurt — whether it’s a rejection after three dates or a break up after three years is hard, and it’s imperative to focus on yourself and on people who WANT to be with you — whether they’re family, friends or interested and available men!

Don’t add him or continue to creep his profile. Focus on your own life and new people and new experiences to keep you occupied and moving the right direction.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for AskApril.com on Facebook: [url][/url].

[Badfinger]

Right thing, he blew you off completely, I guess: It’s hard to say goodbye might be his excuse, but he’s lame and not worth another second of your time.

or maybe he believes:
Silence is golden?
And you just didn’t take the hint?

Same result, move on, I’m sorry.

[Ask April Masini]

I second [b]badfinger’s[/b] advice. 🙂

Join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[fairygirl23]

Hi guys, thanks so much for replying and for you advice. And yes, I know both you guys are absolutely and completely right. Butt…I dunno, now that I’ve deleted him it just seems so “final,” you know? Like now there’s no chance of him maybe “commenting on my status” or talking to me on that pop-up chat thing again…Not that his done it in 3 months, but still…now it feels like I’ve eliminated any and all hope. And now I’m finding myself constantly logging into my Facebook to see if his maybe re-added me as a friend again…but no luck. Ahhh isn’t this such crazy thinking?! Am I crazy??! Ugh…what must i do, i feel so lost..and rejected 🙁

[Badfinger]

Move on….
He’s probably NOT thinking about you, your ego will recover, time heals all wounds?

[Ask April Masini]

He’s not interested in you. I’m sorry. He’s not. If he was, he would have contacted you either on Facebook during the three months you were “friends” or by phone or e-mail or even snail mail. Adding him as a friend on Facebook is not going to make him like you. It’s just going to give you more places to obsess about him.

You did the right thing by deleting him. Now, move on and find someone who is into you!

I hope that helps.

Join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

You did the right thing deleting him. That “creeping” pattern isn’t harmless it keeps you stuck in a loop of hope and hurt. Removing the trigger was a small boundary that gave you space to breathe. That sensation of liberation you felt? Real. Don’t minimize it. Boundaries feel weird at first, then they feel like relief.

Would he notice or re-add you? Maybe. But basing your recovery on that possibility hands him power over your emotional state again. The more useful question is: do you want him in control of how you feel? If the answer is no (and judging by your post, it probably is), don’t reopen the door just to test an uncertain outcome.

If you’re tempted to add him back, do this instead: mute the urge for 30 days. No stalking, no re-adding, no peeking. Use that time to do things that don’t involve screens meet friends, take a class, go for runs, anything that builds new neural pathways for pleasure that aren’t tied to his profile. That cooldown is where real detachment happens.

Practical moves that work: remove, block, or at least unfollow him so his updates don’t show up. Replace that habit with something positive journaling one new thing you liked about your day every night, or setting a phone limit for social apps. Small rituals win the slow game of moving on.

You protected your sanity and that matters. Keep the boundary, focus on things that light you up, and don’t let the “what if” fantasy steal your present. You deserve someone who shows up consistently not someone you have to unfriend to survive.

[Tara]

This guy didn’t “mysteriously disappear”, he lost interest and moved on, and you’ve been clinging to the ghost of a two-date almost-relationship like it was some epic love story. You didn’t delete him for “closure”; you deleted him because stalking his Facebook five times a day was turning you into your own worst embarrassment. And no, he’s not going to see that you removed him, fall to his knees, and add you back.

He’s living his life while you’re analyzing his relationship status like it’s a sacred text. Stop obsessing over someone who chose silence, stop imagining there’s still a chance, and stop humiliating yourself by considering re-adding him. He’s done. You’re the only one pretending otherwise.

[Sally]

It feels harmless until you realize you’re checking their page more than you’re living your own life. So honestly? Deleting him was the healthiest thing you’ve done so far.
And no, you didn’t do anything wrong. If he wanted to keep getting to know you, he would’ve. That silence was your answer, even though it hurt like hell.

I don’t think you should add him again. Not because it’s dramatic, but because you’re finally giving your heart a little breathing room. If he notices, he notices. But don’t build your hope around that.

Sometimes removing someone is the only way to stop imagining a story they already walked out of. It gets easier, slowly.

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