[haru.x.10]

Hi,

I met this guy 6 months ago. We met 3 times within 2 weeks, then he left for his job (which he told me from the beginning) for the whole summer, but told me that he wanted to see me when he got back. He called me once a month for those months apart. He was in town one weekend and did ask to see me. He came back 2 months ago and has been asking me out on a date once a week.

He told me that he was still seeing other people. I was very upset about it. I asked him where I stood and that I didn’t want to be dragged along if he just wanted something casual. He insisted that he liked me very much, currently there was no one in my position, and he saw me as

[Ask April Masini]

If you’ve read my columns or my book, Think & Date Like A Man, you already know what I am going to tell you. If you haven’t read my book — you need to!

What you have done is you’ve made this guy “the prize” and you’ve been trying to “catch” him. To win with men, it must be the other way around. He must see you as the prize. You must be someone he wants to “win” and that he must work at winning. Equally, there shouldn’t be any “settlement” (Are you kidding me?) and you should not be negotiating or trying to convince him to stop seeing other people… HE should be trying to convince you to date him exclusively. End of chapter.

As far as playing games goes… you shouldn’t be playing hard to get — you should BE hard to get. It is human nature not to want something that’s too easy. It is precieved as lacking value.

Stop talking about “your relationship” with this guy and start taking action. How? Stop trying to prove you’re “girlfriend material”. Start being unavailable. Stop pursuing him. Seriously date other men. Unless and until a man asks you for an exclusive relationship or a commitment, and stops seeing other women — there isn’t one. Period. If this guy was convinced you were “girlfriend material”, you’d be his girlfriend. You’re not.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to wake up!

It is your job to take care of you. If you want an exclusive relationship you need to keep dating different men until you find the one who feels the same way you do, and then, importantly, demonstrates it by his actions.

Bottomline: Time is your most valuable commidity and something you can never get any more of. Stop wasting yours on him. He knows you want an exclusive relationship and he’s told you he doesn’t want one. He told you that he wants to date other people — more, he doesn’t care if you do the same. What else do you need to know?

Move on!

[Ethan Morales]

The facts matter more than the feelings you want him to have. He told you he’s still seeing other people. He also didn’t make you exclusive when you asked where you stand. That’s not ambiguity that’s an answer. You can keep hoping he’ll change his mind, or you can treat his words as the truth and act accordingly.

Stop chasing status from someone who hasn’t chosen you. “Be the prize” is shorthand for: value your time and don’t give it away to uncertainty. That doesn’t mean playing childish games it means you live your life like you’re already valued. Date other people if you want to be in a committed relationship someday; don’t sit on the bench waiting for a coach who hasn’t picked you.

Ask for clarity one more time but do it so it doesn’t leave you hanging. Say something calm and specific: “I like you and I want something exclusive. You said you’re still seeing others. I need to know if you’re willing to stop and commit, or if this is going to stay casual. If you can’t commit, I’m going to move on.” That’s clean, non-manipulative, and forces an answer.

Decide what you’ll accept and what you won’t. If he says he wants to keep seeing others and you’re not okay with that, don’t bargain. If you accept casual, accept it fully but don’t resent him while pretending you’re fine.

Last: if you need a quick text to pull back and protect yourself, use this: “Thanks for being honest. I want an exclusive relationship. Since you’re not ready, I’m going to stop waiting around. I’ll be dating other people.”
Short, true, and puts the ball back where it belongs: with you.

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like you’ve been holding space for him, waiting, hoping he’d eventually choose you fully… but his actions are showing you that he already has chosen and he’s choosing to keep his options open. You’re treating him like someone special, prioritizing him emotionally, while he isn’t doing the same for you. And I know that hurts. But when a man wants exclusivity, he doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t “keep you in rotation,” and he doesn’t risk losing you. He steps up. The fact that you’re having to ask where you stand already tells you the answer.

And the deeper truth? You’re giving him commitment energy while he’s offering you casual energy. Natalie would tell you this softly: stop auditioning. Stop proving. Stop waiting. A man who sees your value makes room for you, protects your place in his life, and doesn’t risk losing you to someone else. Right now, you’re the only one emotionally investing, and that creates an imbalance that will keep hurting you the longer it goes on. You deserve someone who chooses you clearly not someone you have to negotiate, remind, or convince. You’re not asking for too much… you’re just asking the wrong man.

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