[Stardust]

I’ve known my nice guy friend for 3.5yrs. We’re both currently in our twenties. We briefly dated years ago. He pursued me, drove, paid, complimented me, and was a true gentleman. He even said I was attractive inside and out, but he couldn’t ever bring himself to tell me. While dating, we hugged, but he never tried to kiss me or hold hands, but he did touch my back to direct me into restaurants.
I’m still not sure why, we didn’t breakup, but drifted apart. Years later we’re sort of friends.

Anyway, weeks ago at a party he sat very close to me on the couch, when he could’ve taken the empty chair nearby. He touched my arm to talk, his leg and hip kept touching mine (he left it there), he tried hard to get my attention, gave compliments, stared, said my name often, asked questions, smiled/laughed etc. He never showed that much physical interest before. But we always hug hello/goodbye.

Yet he’s never verbally said he liked me (even when we dated yrs ago); so I’ve never reciprocated much interest, especially that night. I just sat there and basically did nothing, because I’m a bit shy, and our friends were there. When I was leaving the party he saw me give hugs to everyone (all our mutual guy friends). He was the last one I hugged, and I could see he looked sad almost.

Today I thanked him for helping my sister with something. He texted – “no prob, u girls are like sisters to me.” He’s never said I was like a sister before. I would not classify our relationship as a bro/sis one, we’re not even close friends, and I don’t see him that often even though he lives nearby. He’s a lot closer (friendship wise) to my sister, because she’s dating his best friend.

Anyway, I’m upset because I thought he was interested, and I sort of feel led on. I have other examples of him showing romantic interest in me since we dated. Could you help me understand what’s going on. Why did he say I was like a sister, when I’m not?

[Ask April Masini]

If you want him to think of you as more than a sister, you have to act like more than a sister. 😎 Flirt with him! That’s the way that guys know you’re interested, and it gives them something to chase after!

I hope that helps. 🙂

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[Stardust]

Thanks April. But he said it so randomly and weeks after the party, that it threw me off and hurt me somewhat. I’m wondering why it was unprompted, and why tell me I’m like a sister now, and not years ago??

Anyway, not to conpletely toot my own horn, but I’ve been told that I’m pretty and have a pleasant personality. So I’ll try to show a lot more interest through flirting, if I know I still have a chance.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]I’m wondering why it was unprompted, and why tell me I’m like a sister now, and not years ago??[/quote]

There’s something that triggered him to say it now. He may sense that you like him more than he likes you, so he said it to let you down easily, or to preempt you showing any interest. Or he may have said it to test the waters and see your reaction. He may have wanted you to correct him and tell him that you definitely did not think of him as a friend or family member — by a long shot. Anyway, it’s time for you flirt with him and let him know how you do feel, so that if he IS at all interested, he knows that you’ve given him the green light to flirt back and pursue you. 😎

Hope that helps!

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[Stardust]

But since that party, I didn’t do anything to make him think I was interested in him romantically! Unless it was this text I sent? “Thx for helping my sweet sister <3” I never ever text hearts to him. He texted – “no prob, u girls are like sisters to me.” Thanks again. I’m an awful flirt. So I thought I would simply tell him how I feel next time I see him. If I lose a friend, oh well, we’re not close like bother and sister.

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]But since that party, I didn’t do anything to make him think I was interested in him romantically! Unless it was this text I sent?[/quote]

I don’t know if you did — I wasn’t there. But just because you don’t think you did anything to make him think you were interested doesn’t mean HE doesn’t think you did anything to make him interested. Because you’re confused, it’s always helpful to open your mind and look at the possibility of what others may perceive, not having your point of view. 😉

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[Stardust]

I’m an over analyzer, so if I did any minuscule thing to make him think I was interested romantically, I would remember. I also think about how he would interpret our conversations/intersections and lack thereof. I can’t think of anything that would be a glaring “I like you” sign to him.

That heart text was intended to be friendly, and any logical person would assume that, especially in context.

I’d like to think that he said it to protect his ego, if he believed that I don’t see him as more than a friend, he would preemptively cut me off before I could verbally reject him. That’s still plausible, right?

[Ask April Masini]

Since you admit you overanalyze, it’s a good idea not to. 😉

It’s also important to understand that just because [i]you[/i] think something doesn’t mean anyone else has thought things the same way, or will do so. 😉 After all, that’s why you’re coming to me in the first place — because what [i]you[/i] thought left you confused. If you’re willing to be open minded, you’ll have a lot more success in dating!

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[Stardust]

True, I understand that people think differently, yet I believe there are similarities that I can accurately access when it comes to their thoughts. Based slightly on intuition, and their past behavior.

I asked for your advice because I wanted you to confirm my hunch that he only said I was like his sister because he thought I rejected him. Do you think that it’s plausible?

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]I asked for your advice because I wanted you to confirm my hunch that he only said I was like his sister because he thought I rejected him. Do you think that it’s plausible?[/quote]

It could be. 😉

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s important to recognize that your friend’s behavior is sending mixed signals. On one hand, he’s showing a lot of physical closeness, attention, and compliments things that often indicate romantic or sexual interest. On the other hand, his words especially calling you “like a sister” are distancing and create a clear boundary that’s usually associated with platonic feelings. That contrast is understandably confusing.

Consider that people sometimes express physical closeness without wanting a romantic relationship. Some men are tactile or affectionate by nature, or they may feel nostalgic about past feelings without being ready to pursue them. In your case, his actions at the party (touching your leg, keeping close, giving attention) could reflect lingering attraction, comfort with intimacy, or even just a desire for connection without intending to cross a romantic line.

His text today might be a reflection of his current mindset rather than a consistent message. Calling you “like a sister” could signal that he’s trying to redefine the relationship in his mind maybe he feels romantic feelings but isn’t ready to act on them, or perhaps he wants to make things simple and avoid confusion with you, your sister, or his social circle. Sometimes people use that phrasing to gently lower expectations or clarify boundaries without being hurtful.

It’s also possible that he struggles to verbalize his romantic interest. You mentioned that he never clearly said he liked you even when you dated years ago. Some men are hesitant to declare feelings because of fear of rejection, overthinking, or wanting to keep things casual. So while his actions may seem to hint at interest, his words may not have caught up or they may reflect his internal uncertainty.

Your feelings of being “led on” are valid. When actions suggest one thing and words suggest another, it creates cognitive dissonance. It’s important to separate his behaviors from his intentions; you can enjoy his company or affection without assuming it means romantic commitment. However, if this mixed messaging leaves you upset or confused, it’s fair to address it directly with him to get clarity.

The bottom line is that you can’t read someone’s mind, and mixed signals are often more about their internal conflict than you personally. If you want clarity, you could approach him gently and ask something like, “Hey, I’m a bit confused about our relationship sometimes your actions feel really romantic, but other times I get the sense you see me more like a friend. Can we talk about it?” That way, you respect both yourself and him, and you can decide how to proceed without being misled.

[Tara]

He called you “like a sister” because he’s shutting the door without having the guts to shut it in your face. That night at the party wasn’t romance; it was nostalgia, ego, and proximity. Men lean in, flirt, get touchy, and act warm when it feels good in the moment. But if a man wants you, he doesn’t pull back the next day and demote you to “sister.” That’s the verbal equivalent of slamming the brakes.

He didn’t lead you on. You led yourself on by overanalyzing crumbs from a guy who never once made an actual move. Years ago, he pursued you and still couldn’t bring himself to kiss you. That alone tells you everything: he liked the idea of you, not the reality of being with you. Now he’s trying to keep things friendly and harmless because you orbit the same group, and your sister is dating his best friend. “Like sisters” is his way of signaling, Don’t fall for me. I’m not going there.

You’re upset because you assumed physical closeness meant romantic intention. It didn’t. If he wanted you, you wouldn’t be deciphering vague texts; he would’ve acted, clearly, directly, like a grown man who wants someone.

[Sally]

You thought you were finally seeing something real from him, and then he hits you with that sister line. That’s a weird whiplash feeling.
Here’s the thing though guys say that when they’re trying to shut down their own feelings without looking rude. I’ve known a few who did it. They get nervous, or embarrassed, or they think you’re not into them, so they hide behind that safe little word. It doesn’t mean he sees you like family. It usually means he doesn’t know how to handle what he actually feels.

And honestly, from how you described that night, he was into you. People don’t sit that close or say your name like that unless they’re drawn in.
But interest without clarity just leaves you spinning. If you want to know, you might have to be the brave one this time. And if you don’t want to, that’s okay too. Just don’t let his mixed signals make you feel small.

[Natalie Noah]

The core issue is really about mixed signals and interpretation. On one hand, your friend’s actions at the party sitting close, touching your arm, making physical contact, complimenting you, and generally paying a lot of attention definitely come across as flirtatious and could naturally make you think he’s interested. On the other hand, his text calling you “like a sister” after the party seems to contradict that impression, which understandably threw you off and hurt you a little. Mixed signals like this can be confusing, especially when your intuition tells you he might have feelings but his words don’t align with that.

From the exchange, it seems plausible that his “sister” comment was a defensive or preemptive move. April’s advice about opening your mind to how others perceive situations is key here: even if your intentions were purely friendly, he may have interpreted your actions differently. If he thought there was a chance you didn’t reciprocate any romantic interest, he might have said “like a sister” to protect himself emotionally or to test the waters. This would be consistent with his history of hesitation in expressing his feelings verbally, as you mentioned he never directly said he liked you even when dating. Essentially, he could be signaling that he’s uncertain about how you feel, or trying to see if you’ll clarify your interest before he takes any further steps.

The next step for you, based on this context, would be to communicate openly rather than overanalyze his actions. You clearly value this connection and have picked up on signals that suggest he may be interested but uncertainty is holding you both back. By expressing your feelings directly the next time you see him, you give him clarity and permission to respond honestly, whether that’s reciprocating your interest or setting boundaries. Until then, trying to guess his motivations or overanalyze small gestures can keep you stuck in confusion. Sometimes the simplest approach clear communication paired with a little confidence resolves ambiguity much faster than intuition alone.

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