[Anonymous]

Hi guys

Need your help in deciphering something. I met a girl at a wedding couple months back, exchanged a few words but not much as she sat next to her friends and I mine. Anyway I really wanted to talk to her but the evening passed before I could, so I found her through a mutual friend on Facebook, yet we haven’t added each other. Sent her an email and asked if she would like to meet for coffee. She agreed, we met and had a pleasant chat. We didn’t exchange phone numbers but kept sending emails back and forth for the next month or so as we both went on holiday. A friend of mine had a wedding coming up and I asked this girl if she wouldn’t mind going with me. She agreed and we arranged the finer details. I picked her up from her home and drove through to the wedding about 50 miles away. We chatted and all was going well. After the wedding ceremony, alcoholic drinks were served and I asked whether I can get her anything as I will not have anything right now as I’ve never mixed well with alcohol and besides I haven’t eaten in 10 hours and still have to drive. At the reception champagne was being served and I politely asked that not too much be poured for me. I saw the alcohol percentage was 7,5% and I thought no harm could come from champagne being poured only two fingers high in those slim champagne glasses. Wow, I’ve never made such a blunder and boy did my world spin after three toasts and three tiny sips. I immediately told my date I’m not feeling well and my world is hurtling at a hundred miles and hour. Luckily she chatted with the girl next to us, so the evening wasn’t a complete waste for her. On the way back I apologized profusely for my lack of judgment and behaviour. Early the next morning I took her back home and to be honest not a lot was said. Probably because we were tired but I think mostly because the realisation of what happened hit me and I was incredibly ashamed and embarrassed and have a tendency of brewing on my mistakes.

I decided to send her a email the Monday after in which I were to apologise one last time but tell her that I like her, thought we could’ve chatted for hours, wanted nothing more than for her to enjoy the weekend and that I dearly would like to see her again. She replied the next day and I’ll quote: “I have to tell you, that I feel the same way about u!” I sent two more emails after this to which she has replied to first one only but that’s not why I’m here.

As it was Valentine ’s Day recently I’d send her a text message wishing her a happy day. Nothing lovey dovey it was a quote from a TV-show we both like, that joked with the traditional Valentine’s gifts. I also asked whether she would like to go to a Valentine’s ball in town. I didn’t hear from throughout the whole day so I texted again just to check if she got the first message. She did, said it was sweet and that she couldn’t go as she had made prior arrangements. A couple of days later I suddenly got the urge to say good night but it was slightly late so I just sent a short text through. Nothing long 40 to 50 characters, again nothing suggestive just a plain and simple good night … I haven’t heard from her in two days now. Not replying to the last email I can understand as she is a third year student and has a busy schedule but what am I suppose to read between the lines if she doesn’t reply to the text. How could things take such a turn for the worse in a week?

Now I have a few thoughts. When she said she also liked me, should the method by which we contacted each other have changed? Should I’ve called and texted now and more frequently than emailing? Wouldn’t it be a bit odd to just suddenly change things like that but if I should’ve, how do I fix things now? I really do like her! Should I ask her if perhaps the Valentine ’s Day text gave the wrong impression or if she perhaps expected more? She couldn’t have expected flowers and chocolates after only seeing each other twice in two months and only corresponding through emails … could she? I just feel the Valentine’s text was the start of my dilemma or am I being paranoid.

Help!

[Anonymous]

The only way to find out is to call and ask her out on a date. Texting is fine for confirming plans, but it’s just too sketchy for knowing what someone means about something. And it’s also a bit sketchy for asking someone to a Valentine’s Ball. But it’s done and over with so just let it go now. Don’t have any heavy discussions or apologize — just call and ask her out. That’s the only way you’ll find out if she wants to see you. Also, make each communication count — too much texting whenever you feel like it makes you seem desperate, not confident. Pick and choose your interactions carefully now. Good luck!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You seem to have a tendency to make a mountain out of a molehill and to obsess on details. My advice is to lighten up and focus on the positive in general.

Specifically, you went wrong when you texted her to ask her out on a date for Valentine’s Day. She took a better offer, apparently. My advice is to call her up on the telephone and ask her out for a proper date with dinner and a movie or something along that line. Show up with flowers or a single rose and really give her no reason to think anything other than, Gosh, this guy likes me as a girlfriend and he’s treating me so specially I can’t wait to see him again, and I hope he continues to like me!

It’s that easy. Let go of trying to figure out where you went wrong and put the focus on where you can now go right! 😉 I liked everything [b]Lauren 919[/b] wrote you, and if you follow the advice we both gave you, I think you’ll wind up with a great date with this woman! 😀

I hope that helps — let me know how things go, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

It’s odd how after doing something and a little times goes by you realise you could’ve given it a bit more thought … case and point, the Valentine’s text and I still wonder if this is where she’d wanted something else. She had a friend’s 21st celebrations to go to the evening of the ball.

It’s been three weeks since we said we liked each other and I genuinely thought as we won’t be seeing each other a lot I should build on our friendship in the way that got us to where we were in the first place i.e. emailing but now that I have her number I can say hi and ask how she is in a text and once in a blue moon give her a call. Then ask her out when she comes home for the holidays in a month or so. What would you suggest to be a good opportunity to interact in this month? How do I call after basically not hearing from her in the two weeks after the Valentine’s debacle? I did hear her university is having a test series and that she has been extremely busy after starting with clinical training.

She studies about 100 miles from me and I thought about reasons to go through. There was a sporting event this past weekend so I tried calling to ask if would like to join me, but couldn’t reach her but as the closing time to buy tickets drew near I texted asking that when she gets a bit of time she can text me back or given me a call. She replied that she was already going with friends. That being said I mentioned we haven’t added each other on Facebook but during the past week I decided to do so. Appearing comfortable enough to ask her to a wedding but apparently not enough so to add her, could have given her the idea that I just used her as a date but just after I logged off, the email came through that she’d accepted. So I’d say she not totally ignoring me.

Anyway in two weeks time another game of the sport played this past weekend, is coming up and two friends and I, they’re actually middle-aged men I play squash with, wanted to go through. Even though I’m desperate to see her again, what would your take be on the appropriateness of asking her to join me if they’ll also be there? Or does this mean, that if she says yes, I have to go through earlier, take her on an afternoon date and then along with her meet them in the stadium.

[Anonymous]

By not having heavy discussions you mean I shouldn’t ask her what her “I feel the same way about you” meant? I am curious as to only a week later … silence.

I mentioned in my very first post that the weekend I really wanted to get to know her things didn’t quite work out. I did a little research about whether it’s only me who have ever experienced such a shock from champagne. I found an article scientifically stating that champagne can cause you to get tipsy quickly especially if you haven’t had anything substantial to eat. Do you think I can send it to her so that she can see I wasn’t joking when I said my world was spinning?

As I said in my previous post it’s another two weeks before I have an opportunity of seeing her again and given that’s been a while since I’ve heard from her. How long should I wait to contact her again, using any method possible and, if you think the date and sport is a good idea, how long should I wait before bringing it up?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You can call her now and ask her out, but…don’t take two men on a date with this woman if you really like her. 😯 It sends her the message that she’s not that important. If you want to date her, ask her out on a date and take her on a date.

Oh, and don’t send her an article on the effects of champagne. Let it go. You got tipsy. You’re not the first one to get buzzed from champagne. Move forward. Focus on seeing her again and having a special time when you do! 😀

I hope that helps and you see her soon!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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