[Jordan Thomas]

With your abilities with relationships, I was wondering if you could set me straight with a woman I have my sights set on.

Her name is Andrea, she is 40, divorced after a 14 year marriage in which he cheated on her and remarried and had children with his new wife, she is childless, never had children with her husband. I am 41 and a widower with 3 young children. I met Andrea at a party 1.5 years ago, she lives 3 hours from me, so must of our getting to know each other has been by e-mail and phone. We quickly moved into romantic talk, but then she put on the brakes and said she is too stung by her past to have another relationship. I tried to be patient and woo her anyway, to no avail. After she seemed to be ready again I put forth another effort, and she once again said she just wanted to be friends. I told her I wanted more, she said no, so I said it would be best that we stop communicating and both move on our separate ways. Through mutual friends I was told how upset she was that we couldn’t still be friends and was upset by the way everything ended. I am a widower with three little children, and my daughter especially missed her. I second guessed myself and said to myself that I should be willing to be a platonic friend with her. I approached her again after a month of no communication, we started doing things together as friends, she assured me that she was determined to stay single and celibate and that she couldn’t handle any relationship with any man. On her facebook page, she refuses to put up a picture of me and her together, although we have done things together.

Yesterday, she went to a tiny little local band with her girlfriends, and she put up several pictures of herself backstage sitting on a sofa snuggling up with the lead singer. She has several messages to him on her facebook page talking about how great it was to spend a lot of time with him and become friends and glad that he will keep in contact with her as he tours around. She put up a picture of him leaning in to kiss her.

Here is where I need advice. What do I do with this? She knows quite clearly that I want her sexually and she has invested a lot of time with me and my children. She claims to be determined to stay away from all men romantically until she is in an emotionally correct state. Do I ignore her pictures and her clear look of attraction to the musician? Do I call her on it as an act of disrespect to me? Do I let her know I am jealous and how I feel? Do I burn her phone number and delete her from my Facebook friends without explanation and never look back? This comes on the heals of her writing me on an every other day basis for several weeks and a whole weekend spent together with me and my children and her which seemed to open her up to being less guarded with me. I am very jealous of this, and I don’t know how to approach her. She is gone for several days, I am trying to decide what to do. Any input you can provide would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

Jordan

[April Masini, your AskApril]

She’s made it crystal clear to you that she only wants to be friends — but you keep ignoring this! Of course you’re going to be confused and hurt.

She’s interested in this other guy, romantically, and maybe other men. She isn’t interested in you romantically. Don’t confront her — there’s no point. She isn’t disrespecting you because she’s been upfront and honest with you.

YOU have to be responsible for YOUR dating life and who YOU bring into your children’s’ lives. My advice is that you date smarter. I can tell you’re a very bright guy, but trust me, I get relationship questions from men with advanced degrees and lots of money, too. Intelligence, experience and wealth don’t make a person relationship smart!

Read my book called Date Out of Your League, so you can know what to look for in a woman, and how to win one — who is winnable! Here’s the link to buy it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

I hope this helps, and you realize now that you have to let her go for good and move on.

See you on Facebook: [url][/url] and on Twitter @AskAprilcom.

[Jordan Thomas]

Thank you very much, it is what I needed to hear. Hard to accept, but I still needed it. Is there any value in asking her for advice as to why I am not attractive to her, to learn something for doing better with the next woman? Or is this too pointless and futile? I want to learn from this experience with her as much as possible, but if it is pointless and damaging to at least keeping her as a platonic friend, then I won’t do it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

No! Don’t ask her why she’s not attracted to you or why she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. She’s closed the door and there’s no reason to spend time with someone who’s not interested. You’ll learn everything you need to know from a helpful source (me!) by reading the book I suggested for you, Date Out of Your League. You can download it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

This book will help you understand what women want and how to win with them. It also lets you know what to look for in a woman so that you don’t waste time with someone who’s not compatible and won’t end up with you.

I hope that helps. See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

OK, I won’t confront her, I’ll just let it go. You have no idea how hard it is….

I ordered your book from Amazon.com, it should get here shortly

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Oh, I do know how hard it is, but relationships are hard work — even refraining from them! 😉 Keep busy and see your friends and family socially so you don’t have “space” in which to get lonely. Read the book and start moving forward with your life in a new way!

And thank you for ordering the book. I look forward to hearing from you as to what you think! 🙂

[Member]

Posts