[chicka37]

I graduated highschool early so when I started college I was only 17. I started talking to this guy and just told him I was 18 and I did not realize it would get so serious. It has now been a year and half and I never knew we would get this serious. It would have been easier just to tell him a long time ago, but now I feel it is too late that I let him think this for so long and all of his friends think this too which makes it even harder to tell him. What is it that I should do now?

[Ask April Masini]

If you intend to continue this relationship, you need to bite the bullet and tell him the truth. Relationships based upon lies are living on borrowed time — sooner or later the truth comes out. Based upon the fact that you told him you were 18 a year and a half ago (when you were 17), I assume you are now 18… going on 19?

I have no idea how old this guy is, but assuming he’s within a few years of your age I suggest that perhaps you make a joke about turning 19 this year, and fess up. If he loves you, I doubt one year is going to make that much of a difference to him — unless there’s a big age gap.

Frankly, lots of women lie about their age, albeit it’s typically when they are a lot older… claiming to be younger.

[Ethan Morales]

The longer you let this lie stand, the more fragile the trust in your relationship becomes. Even if the guy isn’t going to care too much about a year’s difference, he’ll feel hurt or misled that you didn’t tell him sooner, especially since he’s already invested emotionally and socially with his friends thinking your age is one thing.

The best move is to be honest sooner rather than later. You don’t need a dramatic confession a light, casual way works: maybe joke about how you “just turned 19” and slide in the truth. Keep the tone calm and matter-of-fact. This shows you trust him enough to be honest now, and it gives him the chance to respond without feeling ambushed.

Honesty rebuilds trust, even after a small deception. Waiting makes it harder, because the lie grows with time and social exposure. If he cares about you, it’s unlikely to break the relationship but continuing the lie will almost certainly cause bigger problems later.

[Natalie Noah]

The longer you let this go unsaid, the heavier it becomes not just for you, but for the trust in your relationship. Even though it feels scary, telling him the truth now is the right thing to do. You can approach it lightly, maybe even with a little humor, but honesty matters more than the awkwardness or his initial reaction. If he cares about you, a one-year difference especially since you’re both still young is unlikely to change how he feels. What it will do is show him that you respect him enough to be truthful, and that builds far more trust and connection than hiding something out of fear.

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