[Madlover22]

Well see i have an ex boyfriend we been together for a year but the relationship sudently ended due to him cheating. a while back i introduced him to one of my very close friends this was at the time when me and him was together. They talked and they got to be friends I didn’t really mind because they didn’t flirt or really do anything so i was fine that she became his friend. I was talking to her on the phone and she was telling me how she broke up with her man and then a week later she told me she like my ex. When she told me that i got this really angry feeling even though Im not with my ex anymore but i still have feeling for him. I didn’t get mad at her and start yelling even though i really was full of anger and could of just yelled at her. I just was like oh really thats good just tryna play it cool because I didnt want her to no that i was upset. Now i found out that they are dating when i found this out i was hurt so badly now it seems like i have a permanant scar on my heart . like im stuck i dont no how to confront her and him about how i feel about this like i thinks its very rude of him and her to even go out knowing that i was once apart of his life. Me and my friend are like really close friends almost like sister thats how close.
now i really need some advice on how to to tell her how i feel be for my anger just bust out i need to be able to tell her in a respectful and calm way even tough i just want to fu** her up.

[JMG]

A similar thing (sort of) happened to a close friend of mine and one of her friends. All I can say is, you need to tell her that you don’t appreciate what’s happened. You feel blind-sided and betrayed, but that is how you feel. Your friend probably thinks that she did sort of tell you, since she told you she was interested in her ex. You need to tell her that you are probably going to be a little selfish (even though you probably think that she’s the one that’s being selfish), and that while you know that your friendship with her will probably change, you are going to need reassurance now and then that she and you are still friends…good friends, if you want to stay close to her.

And then…you are going to have to deal with your anger. You let him go before — now, you really need to let him go. If you cared for him before, and you think he’s a good guy, and if you love your friend, and you think she’s a good person, then you should be happy for them. It will be hard. I can almost guarantee this. It will be extremely hard. You may not want to be around them at first…it may take awhile before you’ll want to be around them at all. It may take even longer for you to be around them with them being all mushy lovey-dovey…ick…but if this is the kind of friend that you want standing up with you when you’re getting married as your bridesmaid, or vice versa, or whatever, then eventually, eventually, you will have to tell her that you are happy for her. And mean it.

It would make sense that these friends of yours (ex-boyfriend and friend, whatever), who recognize and value your wonderful qualities, would have the same appreciation for the traits that they recognize in each other. (I would suggest the movie “Catch & Release” for this concept…). Now, if these two are planning on a fling or something short-term and have no long-term expectations, I could see why it would be rather inappropriate. However, if this thing between them has long-term potential, you’re gonna have to learn to stick it out, and be civil!!

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Natalie Noah]

The pain isn’t just about your ex it’s about betrayal layered on top of unfinished grief. Even though the relationship ended, it didn’t end cleanly or respectfully, and that left emotional loose ends. When a close friend steps into that space without truly pausing to consider your feelings, it can feel like your history and your hurt were dismissed. Your anger makes sense. It’s not irrational; it’s the body reacting to loss, shock, and a broken sense of safety with someone you trusted deeply.

That said, how you handle this matters more than whether your feelings are “right.” You don’t need to explode to be honest. A calm conversation can sound like: “I need you to understand that even though he’s my ex, I’m still healing, and this hurts more than I expected. I’m not asking you to choose sides I’m asking you to acknowledge my feelings and the impact this has on me.” That keeps the focus on your emotional reality, not accusations. If she’s truly like a sister, she should be able to sit with your discomfort without becoming defensive.

As for him, his role is secondary now. He already crossed boundaries once by cheating, and this situation reinforces why emotional distance from him is necessary for your healing. The real question is whether your friend can show empathy and respect moving forward. If she minimizes your pain or rushes you to “get over it,” that’s important information. Healing doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay it means choosing self-control, protecting your dignity, and expressing your truth before anger turns into something that hurts you even more.

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